I have been looking over my blog and noticed that I haven't written my thoughts since August. I have been so consumed with what has been happening in my life.

I lost my father on 12/28/06 from cancer. My brother came in from KY to spend Christmas with the family. He spent everyday and evening with my parents. I don't think my brother realized how sick our father was. We had Christmas at my parents this year. My father was too weak to come to our house. He ate well that day - but from time to time he was confused and in the afternoon and early evening he would only sit in his chair for about 20 minutes and then wanted to go to bed and rest. He would only stay in bed for about an hour and then come back into the living room where we all where. When he would open his gifts - I don't even think he realized it was Christmas. I know that some of his gifts he didn't even know what they where - for example he was given a book on his favorite baseball team and he started to rip off the cover - I think he thought it was a pack of chewing gum.

The Tuesday after Christmas right after dinner the phone rang and my mother was crying on the phone - she didn't know if my father was having a stroke or a seizure. I was at their house in less than a minute and my father was just coming out of the first seizure and started having a 2nd. By the time the ambulance got there the seizures had stopped. The ER did another cat scan of his head and told us the cancer had now spread to his brain. Thursday morning he passed away. This has been very hard for me - becuase he had died in my arms. I was the last person to go into his room and talk to him. When I finally did so - I told my father how much I loved him - and that it was O.K for him to let go - I told him that I would take care of Mom. After my last statement my father stopped breathing.

My emotions have been on a roller coaster. Sunday was a terrible day. I cried all day. Nothing helped to turn it off. My son went and brought me a plant and my daughter came home with another gift for me. I feel some relief - but I feel like there is a big hole in my life. My father and I where very, very close.

Chris in general is doing well. The only two problems he is dealing with still are the horrible headaches he gets and his neuropathy. The neuropathy is getting worse and traveling up his legs. Before it was basically in his feet. So we will discuss this with the doctor at this appointment the end of this month. I'm sure his diabetes is not helping the neuropathy in any way. Dad's death was very hard on Chris. Dad was Chris' strength after the stroke. He always told Chris that he wouldn't tolerate Chris giving up on himself. Chris has his moments of tears - but in general is quite about it. I wonder how much he is holding in or if it's his medication (of course) that keeps him so calm that he can't really express how he is feeling.

So I'm hoping that '2007 will be better - it will be a year to heal. I know I'm alittle late - but I wish everyone a very Happy and Healthy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!