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What to do?


Betty Jean

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Well, we had a pretty good day today. Yesterday Jim was pretty tired after going to the hospital to have those tests done. We haven't heard from the doc yet but I do know there is a deficit in his left leg. It isn't very bad, though and I doubt that surgery will be called for. I think part of the problem is because Jim has a malocclusion of the bones in his lower left leg (a whole nuther story) and I think the arteries may be getting constricted by the bone. The carotid looked very good, though and I was relieved when I saw that.

 

Here's the thing, though. I know that he still doesn't have everything quite straight in his mind and I try to be understanding of that. I have been kind and understanding and loving and all that since the beginning. Sometimes, however, Jim can get down right rude if things aren't going just the way that he thinks they should, or as quickly as they should and so on. He just doesn't understand that there might be other patients before him or that someone elses procedure may have taken a bit longer than expected. So when is it alright for me to stop being sweet and kind and tell him to shut his mouth and behave like an adult? I get that he doesn't understand but the nurses and so on don't understand his behavior either. Most of the time he is so kind but I think it's time for him to be set straight. I just don't want to do the wrong thing but I don't want to see other people suffering because he doesn't get it. You know?

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Betty Jean,

 

I know exactly how you feel, but believe me when I say the nurses and doctors have seen it all before. It is more embarrassing for us than it is a problem for others. We are so used to holding our feelings inside that we feel badly when our spouse doesn't have that control any longer.

 

I just try to remember the damage the stroke has done. With my husband there isn't much else to do. I'm sure if you take a nurse aside and apologize for his comments you will find they aren't offended and they realize what is happening.

 

Regards,

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Betty Jean, maybe you can do the same as I used to do with my teenaged sons. I used to talk to them before we went out about the level of manners they were to show, what was appropriate behaviour etc. When they started to clown around I would say:"Remember what we talked about?". Then if the horseplay continued I would excuse us and go outside and repeat the lecture. Mostly that was enough to settle them down.

 

Maybe you could say in Jim's ear. "This is not the right thing Jim and will not help us get seen any faster. Please be quiet now." We know this impatience can be a part of stroke damage but it is not appropriate to express it loudly and certainly won't improve the service given to you both. But as Ann said, it could be stroke damage and out of his control.

 

Sue.

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