I'm sure I'm not the only survivor that during the course of living daily life, I've run head on into that brick wall. Do you know the one that teaches you that life cannot be lived on auto pilot any longer, a survivor MUST think all the steps threw sart to finish, otherwise ones brain goes on overload.

If you're still reading these rambling mad thoughts of mine, let me briefly explain. Yang and I are currently stuck in the process of buying a house together. Now as survivors we no longer operate at the speed of "WE NEEDED THIS YESTERDAY" once upon a time we were able to operate at this speed, but no longer. And I think the explanations of trying to explain fall on deaf ears as do the memory lapses explanations. I can honestly state that the mortgage process is one I will never do again. I no longer have the ability to carry on multiple lists of things needed to do or info needed to be submitted. Our first contract has already been extended and it expires on Wednesday Januaury 31, 2007. So in order to not loose our down payment or the perfect house of our dreams, we must close by wednesday.

It is the friday evening before that dreaded date and we are still holding our breaths waiting on a document from a third party to come in or we loose it all. Well I am here admitting I can not handle the stress of this process. It all exhausts me and I have learned a lesson, and become humbled by the process. I don't find it exciting or thrilling and I much prefer a quiet calm existance. So now I've blogged it, I admitted my weakness and now we wait to see where the chips may fall. If the deal falls threw and we don't get our house, at least I know we did all we could and even better- we tried to catch our dream. This is a good point to insert my favorite quotes:

The person who succeeds is not the one who holds back, fearing failure, nor the one who never fails... but rather the one who moves on im spite of failure. Far better to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory or defeat. Author: Teddy Roosevelt

-- Teddy Roosevelt

If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you.

-- T. S. Eliot

Yin