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end of week six




This time of the year as the church goes into Lent, a season of depriving yourself to benefit your soul, and in our neck of the woods the transition into autumn (fall) it seems as if I become reflective again. It is a sometime thing with me. Mostly I live life from day to day, don't plan too far ahead, don't look too far back. After going on for eight years since Ray's major strokes I know the danger of planning only to have those plans dashed by another stroke, or another critical incident.


Yesterday was the end of six weeks in hospital for Ray. Last week we were told he will come home on Monday, now it may be Tuesday or another day. There are still some final tests to do. On my part although I would love to see him home I know that he still is not stable on his feet. So it is probably safer for him to be where he is. And today when I had to run through the heavy rain to get into church I was thankful I then didn't have to unload a wheelchair and get Ray inside. There is a covered walkway but it is difficult with traffic backing up behind you.


Ray was okay yesterday but we had a talk about the things he doesn't do. Due to the dementia he has now lost a lot of the ability to initiate. So during the past six weeks he has only been out of his room for meals and to go to the gym when I am not there. I am the one who goes to find a wheelchair and takes him outside. He agrees to this if the weather is nice but yesterday declared it too hot and one day last week declared it too windy. I explained that at home I will have to over-ride this as we will need to go out on certain days whatever the weather. It was not received well but I can understand that in the past he would have just refused and stayed home and since the stokes this has been a sore point, in his opinion I am always "dragging him around".


This time he has had no further kitchen training, not that he makes anything in the kitchen now and little training with hand-eye co-ordination etc. There seems no concept of keeping up with daily activities. I know he is there primarily to heal but with Ray's combination of stroke damage and dementia it really is "move it or lose it" and I am afraid that he will not be able to get back to the simple concepts that make life run smoothly like carrying his cup from the table to the kitchen etc as all these things have been done for him for the last six weeks.


I left Ray watching a movie with a younger amputee. The weekend Activities Officer had asked "everyone in the place" to do this and Ray was her last hope. I don't think he would have done it except we were sitting in the area where the movie would be shown. It was a Bruce Willis movie so should have been okay. The young amputee, probably mid-forties, said he would like to see it. They were promised snacks and drinks so I hope they enjoyed that. It is so hard sometimes to get people who are in pain to relate to each other. With Ray's dementia his cheerful outgoing personality is slowly being replaced with a quieter one so he no longer reaches out to others in friendship as he used to.


My week six was more of the same, visiting Ray, housework, a few phone calls and dinner out with girlfriends on the Friday night. The phone calls, visitors at the hospital etc are decreasing, this week he may have no-one but me go visit him. It is hard to keep up friendships etc when Ray's ability to relate to people is slowly disappearing. I know though that we will have those who stay friends for old times sake and that is good. Because travelling on this stroke journey without the help of friends would be very lonely.


I am hopeful that in a few days time I can blog about Ray coming home. That has been the aim from the beginning. How that will go I don't know. I guess there will be what a friend of mine calls "shakedown time". But it is better to think optimistically that this will be the best thing for both of us.





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you are one hell of a caregiver, you and Jean always amaze me with love and dedication you have for your life partner, I certainly know and feel hardwork you guys putin to care for your hubby, Ray and all us survivors are lucky to have such caring caregivers in our life




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Guest lwisman




Good luck to you and Ray as he moves back home this week. I will be sending positive vibes in your direction.

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I'll be looking forward to that blog report of Ray coming home. Your 'shake down time' will work out...it always does.

:friends: Jean

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Keep your chin up and I will also await your blog when Ray comes home.. till then remember to take care of your self as you will be busy when you have to resume your duties once again.. As you say they could change as he may have forgotten how to do the things he once was able to do.. I wish you luck and send my thoughts and prayers.. I hope to blog again but have been very busy...

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I know you are looking forward to having Ray home again. It may take you a little while to teach him again, with the cup and get back into the little routines, but I'm sure it will come back quickly. He may remember and associate his routines at home.


And he sooo loves his veranda..


Take a little time for you. the next couple days...


(((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) TO ALL THE CAREGIVERS




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:hug: to you for all you've been through. Be sure to be rested up for when Ray comes home. I too look forward to the blog about his return home and how he's doing.

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You might be waiting a while for the next blog. I got a call from the social worker at the hospital today, she said Ray's discharge date has been put off till sometime NEXT week.


I know all of this is for the best, I can't give him much of a life if he is not mobile. And he needs to be safe and not have any more serious falls. But I do miss him and want him here at home with me. Someone said I shouldn't be lonely as I had Trev at home - give me a break! Ray and I have been married a long time and I MISS him!



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Hey Sue,

I am sorry Ray's release has been delayed. Of course it is for good reason, but it doesn't make it any easier, does it?


I will continue to keep you both in my thoughts, sending hugs your way :hug:





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