Mel's Blog

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Release of some pent up emotions




Caution - strong emotions posted here - but I have to get it all out somehow.


I'm home from the hospital nut from the way mu husband managed things while I was gone , I 'd like to go back to the subacute unit to get some more rest! He did the best he could but Jesu! there are stacks of things everywhere, waiting for my attention - I'm walking through a minefield of stacks that I don't know which on to start first....


I started with the bill pile or what he said was the bill pile - actually found several appt notifications and my doctor's change of adress notice along with bilss, some of which should have been taken care of already - oy!!!!!!


Th house is a shambles - the first thing I did was clean the bathroom and then clean the kitchen. Today - in between therapy appts that ran long - apparently I've screwed ny knee up royally from a fall on the ice I had in early Feb which aggravated the injury I recieved from the car crash last July. The bedroom will get cleaned tomorrow while my regular cleaning lady comes in to dust, vacuum and do the kitchen and bathroom -


I just want to scream!!!!! It's like everything stoppped while I was gone and they forgot that life still goes on and things need to be done.


I so want to sell this house and go into an apt or a mobile home. He told me when we met that hje wasn't handy, but good golly, you can at least try :Tantrum:



Then there's the issue of nobody else giving a hot that I was incapacitated either (with the exception of Bonnie and you all here at the Strokeboard....Thank you for the card!) No one even called, emailed, came by or sent a card or flowers - nada, nothing - it's like I don't exist or they are too afraid to come around because they don't know what to say or do - or afraid of what they will see or hear from me.


This is what really ticks me off - I'll say this and then let it go - my ex-friend that I've written about in my blog before - she helped organize my wedding and is related to ne by marriage and actually startid calling me her sister because things were going so well between us before the stroke. Now afteer the stroke I've been totally dropped - even the sympathy card and the Christmas card I sent her to try to extend a part of a bridge were returned to me.


Anyway, further distance occurred last week while I was in the subacute unit of the hosptal where she works - barely 100 ft from her nursing station........did she come to see me, ask about how I was? Nope - I'm sorry but that is pretty much unforgiveable in my book. I'm done - I just can't deal with her stupidness anymore - I really don't know what I did to tick her off but I no longer care, I'll return her favor of not intruding in her life anymore and really start the search for new friends who unerstand and have a sense of humor abou life instead of constantly being a downer....


Giving up on my husband's family as well - they live in the same town and have a car sellling business that nrings them daily to places that are withinh a five minute ride of wher I was in the hospital. Again no calls/visit/nothing - thry didn't even have the decency tio spport my husband (their family member) with meals/house stuff/helping out with my daighter.....I'm tired of trying to fit in .....I'm just me and apparenly that isn't good enough , so I'm gonna re-evaluate and sticj with those in my acquaintance who are escited about life and want to do things - go places and just chat a little.


More later, hubby is home from the grocery



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I'm not sure it's safe for us caregiver/family members to venture into your comment section but.... I want to say something about these sentences of yours:


"I just want to scream!!!!! It's like everything stopped while I was gone and they forgot that life still goes on and things need to be done."


I hope you'll forgive and ease up on your husband and daughter for this because, for them, it probably did seem as if the world stopped when you went in the hospital. Life really doesn't just go on as if nothing happened when you're worried about someone you love in the hospital. They may know stuff SHOULD get done but stress and worry drains your energy and your time.


:friends: Jean

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I understand how you feel. I had a friend who came to see me in the hospital whom I hadn't seen for many, many years. She and I were so close. I think my depression broke our friendship. I got tired of talking about my problems and separated myself from a lot of my friends. Anyway, I value her and I was so glad to see her. We promised we wouldn't let our friendship go this time. She left the hospital and I have not heard from her since. I sent her (2) e-mails but she responded to neither one. You, however, have written the best advice for yourself: find new friends and/or keep the old ones who know how to laugh and have a good time.


Perhaps when your cleaning lady comes, she will take pity on your shambles and your situation and go aboveboard and help w/ the cleaning of the bedroom and the rest of the rooms. You just came home from the hospital, which means you need to take it easy. If you don't recuperate properly, you may run into problems later on. Take Care. LK

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:friends: :friends: :console: :console:


Take the house work a little at a time.. it will come together.


As Jean said, maybe the world did stop a little for husband and daughter, without your guidence they may have just missed you so much.


Making new friends sounds like a good idea. I notice new people I meet are not "comparing' (or remembering the old me) I am lucky though my family and husbands family have been really great.



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I am really sorry on the behalf of my blogworld that we did not PM you, but until you posted blog from hospital I wasn't even aware of you being in hospital, and to my defence you are not one of the regular blogger, such that I start missing and wondering, people come and blog when they please so it is hard for me to distinguish what has stopped them from blogging, but anyways I will apoloize to you, and do better next time hopefully not with you, but some other members.




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I don't want to be redundant and say what has been said previously. <_< But they're right. I know, from personal experience with my daughter, life is disastrous if I'm not around to oversee. I few hours here and there is one thing, but longer than that I want to pull my hair out upon my return. While I had been in rehab

for 30 days she had stayed with friends but kept going home and attempting to care for kept me busy when I did come home.


As to friends, you have the right idea to "write" those nonsupportive ones off and concentrate on ones who won't compare the new you to the old you. Even though I've never met you, I think the new Mel is way cool. :You-Rock:

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Thanks ladies - I appreciate it and your patience,


Jean - I am blowing off steam here so that I don't blow up at them - sorry - sometimes I use you all as my sounding board to see if I am really out of my head. It always helps to hear from my friends here - because you always show me a side that I hadn't even thought of. I did forget how disrupting it must have been for them, more proof than I needed I guess that I was missed by my two most important people - it was just so disappointing not to hear from anyone...made me feel very small


LK - Thanks for your support - I am making new friends - and you ladies are the best!


Bonnie - as always, my quiet voice in the storm - and you are right, it is easier with those who had not knownn me b4 the stroke - thanks for your patience


Asha - please don't take what I said as any kind of reproof against you personally - sweetie you do a great job! And I know that had you known you would have PM'd and e-mailed - you are just that sweet kind of person - please don't let my ramblings and anger release get to you - I'm calmer today than yesterday.


Thanks Onesidedme - I am so trying to finish this grieving process and be able to fully move on.


I don't think you ever really fully finish one thing and move on to another in emotions - I think one just winds down and another picks you up. Trying to focus outside of myself. Getting into advocacy on a local level - being a part of Healthfairs and am going to be interviewed by two newspapers for stroke month in May.


I love you all - you mean so much - sorry if I upset anyone - not my intention at all - trying to quell the occasional outburst of anger - I'll try not tto put it out so much here and more into my writings in my journal.

No Worries.

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Hi Mel I was wondering when you would be home from the hospital and when we would here from you again. Hope you are feeling better now and can continue to be a part of our family group.. I have been rather preoccupied with a sick mother in law who had to be spoon fed for time, and then passed away the middle of Feb this year.. As my hubby is too emotional and could not handle the stress I had to be there for him and her too. I know what you mean by the house and home needing your attention, but as someone was saying your family was probably very worried about you and not thinking of the house. It will all come to order soon till then concentrate on getting well and forget about a really tidy orderly house .. It's five years in June since hubby's stroke and I am just now getting to clean out the corners I had to leave undone..I really bugged me and now I am purging and hopefully doing a good down size that I can live with...Keep on blogging ...Lots of hugs{{{]]] deenie

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sorry for the double up of the blog but it told me I had a error so didn't want to loose the reply and sent it twice....still learning :oops:

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