BabsZ's Blog

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It's Back




His prostate infection has returned with a vengance. :( feaver, chills, and all the other symptoms. He has such bad chills last night, he shook our heavy bed. I made him talk to me during them because he was shaking like he did with seizures. His balance is off, once again confused and disoriented. I dont understand how an infection can cause him to have those problems again. I have so many thoughts and feelings going through me about all this, I cant even slow down my mind to know what they all are. All I know is I am doing my best to take good care of him. And when I cant, I feel so helpless. It seems to me when he starts doing really well, to the point I can hardly tell he has ever had a heart attack or stroke, BOOM! It starts all over again. I remember watching my mom over the years go down a slow spiral of getting really sick and never quite regaining all of it. Like a long slow dance, one step up and two steps down. Oh I hope this is not the begening of that dance again. May be when he gets over this infection he will start improving again. I decided I need to pay some attention to me. I made an appointment with the Psychologist I met with when my mother passed away. I was so overloaded then. we had 5 close deaths within 6 weeks. I dont want to tell him about my appt. But I just dont think he would understand that I need to do this, and i dont want to start keeping things from him. but I also know I need this. :uhm:



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