To Know or Not to Know
I've blogged here about the class action law suit Bill has been a part of and the fact that we are now at a point where the Extraordinary Injury Fund settlement is in full swing. As part of that phase we agreed to get all medical records gathered and forwarded to the law firm. Last week we delivered all our requests and received back several sets of notes from doctors and one of the hospitals. This past week the records have continued to come in.
There are some things about Bill's medical/emotional history that I just don't know whether I want to know. The medical part is one thing, but he has had a difficult psychological past and it is very painful to see how that past has played out in his medical history. It isn't even as though I haven't known, after all I have been a part of his life during the entire time for which I've collected the records. It saddens me to see how bi-polar and alcoholism has affected him though.
We had a difficult night Friday. He did not sleep well, and was up every two hours - with my struggle with getting to sleep it seemed I'd almost drift off and he would ask, "honey, are you asleep?" DUH...!!! Anyway, he wanted to eat. So I would get him a little something that would hopefully not send his sugar soaring and he'd try to drift off again - as would I. Finally, at around 4 a.m. he decided he wanted to go to the living room. He really wanted me to make a pot of coffee, but I refused! He'd been real unsteady all night - I wonder what that was about, but I probably know.
He went to the living room, and exhausted, I dropped into bed. The next thing I heard was - yes, Bill had fallen in the living room, attempting to come back to bed. All I could think of was Ray and Sue. I rushed to the living room and there he lay - He was stunned, but I did a once over and I couldn't tell that there was anything broken or displaced. I had him lie there for a few minutes, placed a pillow under his head and talked with him. He was lucid, knew me, my name, where he was and nothing hurt him. Now it was time to see if he could sit up - yes, no problem. I asked if he thought he could get up - I can't lift Bill, although I can assist him. I brought a chair around, he got himself up into it with no problem and I retrieved his walker.
He used his walker, walked back to bed and was finally able to settle down to sleep. We both slept until about 10. I got up, checked him over, checked his sugar, gave him his meds, insulin and some breakfast. He went back to sleep and so did I. I got up at about noon, showered and had some coffee. He got up about 2, bathroom, shower...rested another hour and got up and got dressed. Our day continued on a though nothing had happened the night before. His balance was back to his "normal" and he didn't use the walker again.
He had no aches or pains, no bruises - and could not even remember the events of Friday night, although he remembered his fall. I don't know how he does it - but I'm so thankful that for right now he is able to bounce back. Of course I wondered about calling 911. And of course I know that's what we are supposed to do. I also know I have to use my own best judgement at these times My criteria was whether he could talk lucidly, any outward scrapes, able to sit, able to get himself up, any pain...I believe that time I made the best decision, and I'll continue to trust I can make the correct one next time.
So, this has been a rather odd week. Dealing with life on life's terms. Looking back doesn't do anybody any good, that's a lesson I've had to learn over and over again. What was, was - what will be, will be. Today is the only day we have and we'd better make the best of it!