I hate myself. What is wrong with me. Yesterday my brother got mad at me over something stupid so he unhooked the router and I could not get online. I was so upset. The internet is my release therapy, Without my laptop I would be depressed all of the time because I would just lay around thinking of all the many things I could be doing if I didn't have the stupid stroke. So my dad got mad at me for arguing with my brother and I guess I ruined Father's Day so I just cried all day with my face in my pillow locked in my room. Then today I try to get a better start so I called my mom to take me to get my learner's permit so my dad wouldn't have to keep taking off of work and my mom tries to blame me that me and her don't have a good relationship. She is the one who prostituted when she should have been taking care of me. She made me go to bed starving every night when I was a child. I had to ask her and ex stepdad for permission to go in the kitchen or take a bath because I was not allowed She always chose sleeping with other men over spending quality time with me. She is the one who chose that I have surgery over therapy so she is the main reason I stroked. She beat me and choked me when I was only 14 years old. I could not even defend myself. She was trying to kill me. She tried to fight me last year on my 17th birthday. She's crazy. She's been to Dorothy Adix but yet it's MY fault we dont have the good mother/daugter relationship I never had. I hate her with a passion I hate everybody including myself. Why can't I do anything right Why is everything my fault? I feel like I am going to be locked in my room drowning in my tears planning my suicide for my whole summer break. What is wrong with me Why can't I just be happy Why do I cry everyday over the things I haven't been able to change for years. I blame it on the stupid stroke, not me.