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Everybody hates me



I hate myself. What is wrong with me. Yesterday my brother got mad at me over something stupid so he unhooked the router and I could not get online. I was so upset. The internet is my release therapy, Without my laptop I would be depressed all of the time because I would just lay around thinking of all the many things I could be doing if I didn't have the stupid stroke. So my dad got mad at me for arguing with my brother and I guess I ruined Father's Day so I just cried all day with my face in my pillow locked in my room. Then today I try to get a better start so I called my mom to take me to get my learner's permit so my dad wouldn't have to keep taking off of work and my mom tries to blame me that me and her don't have a good relationship. She is the one who prostituted when she should have been taking care of me. She made me go to bed starving every night when I was a child. I had to ask her and ex stepdad for permission to go in the kitchen or take a bath because I was not allowed She always chose sleeping with other men over spending quality time with me. She is the one who chose that I have surgery over therapy so she is the main reason I stroked. She beat me and choked me when I was only 14 years old. I could not even defend myself. She was trying to kill me. She tried to fight me last year on my 17th birthday. She's crazy. She's been to Dorothy Adix but yet it's MY fault we dont have the good mother/daugter relationship I never had. I hate her with a passion I hate everybody including myself. Why can't I do anything right Why is everything my fault? I feel like I am going to be locked in my room drowning in my tears planning my suicide for my whole summer break. What is wrong with me Why can't I just be happy Why do I cry everyday over the things I haven't been able to change for years. I blame it on the stupid stroke, not me.


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Katrina, Bad things happen to many GOOD people. You can choose to sit around looking for blame... crying why me..?? You can choose to look at this as......... ok this happened.. I DO NOT LIKE it.


I will take this as a learning experience or challenge happening in my life and I will work hard to overcome what I can.


You have your mind.. you are a smart girl ready to enter college.


Your mother made mistakes.. she made bad decisions. They were not your decisions. you were the victim of circumstances. In order to move on you will have to let go of the past and the hate. You will become a better person, but to be independent you need your education, as you go to school you will make new friendships, develop resources.


At 18 you have a lot of growing up and learning to cope with emotions. It is not an easy time in your life.


Is there a bus or transportation sysyem in your area? We have a transportation place that you can call for rides.. to Dr and other appointments.


Are you in counseling..? I urge you to talk to a counselor and work through these feelings of hate and anger. We can't change the past, but we can help form the future.

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katrina, i am so sorry for the pain and heartache, you have endured in your life. but it was not your fault. parents make mistakes just like everyone does. you need to get over these feelings you have now, it will only make you feel worse, the past is done, work on making a wonderful future for yourself. you have your whole life in front of you, make it mean something. as bonnie said, look for transportation in your area and a counselor to help you work through your anger and hostility.

life is what we make it, so work hard on making it happy for you. i hope you feel better soon, and remember its not your fault.

my best wishes to you,


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I can not add anything better than what Bonnie said, work on those things first and foremost forgive your mom and find happiness within you, forgiveness is gift you give to yourself not others.


2. I know for small fee redcross does transport people with medical needs to places, check them out, though they do require week's notice but I have found out they have reat volunteer drivers who does treat you good.



3. excelling in college and school is your ticket to freedom & great selfesteem.




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You got to remember the serenity prayer you use in your signature block. That says it all and I live by it frankly. We just need the wisdom to know the difference in what we can change and the things we can not change. Mainly people and what they do or don't do. :happydance:

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Katrina, just a few weeks more and you are off to college and your new life. Just cool it until then and you'll have it made. Hey, we don't hate you; and we are a very big strong group.


How about coming to chat Fri.? It's the wild time and the refreshments are great.



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