Have been with my parents now since the last week of June - took my daughter with me on one leg of the trip before she went back to her Dad's for summer visitation. We went to visit my youngest brother who lives in PA - we were there for a week, then came back to Indiana to drop her off and pick up more clothes for me just before the 4th of July and then came to Oklahoma, stopping to see some family in St. Louis on the way.
It has been a good experience on the whole - seeing old friends(half of which I don't even remember anymore, but it was fun hearing about out exploits in younger years!), going to the church that I grew up in and that my daughter was baptised in. It's been really nice to be able to get out of the house and do things instead of feeling trapped with no one to go see or talk to as it is at home.
Which makes me wonder if my marriage is going to survive - I love him dearly but I don't know if I can survive without someone to talk to other than him, something to do besides read and take care of the house and my garden and then wait for him and my daughter to get home from work and school - the lonlieness was killing me and killing our relationship along with the huge moey issues that result from all the treatments, medications, and doctor visits.
I am sometimes amazed that we have lasted this long as we didn't really get to have that firsy couple of years in our new marriage to really develop that closeness and ways to really communicate as a married couple - I had my stroke just six months after our marriage on October of 2005. Something strong must still be there though as we keep hanging on and reaching out to try to make things work, so hopefully when I get home we can really wipe the slate clean and start over again.
I have though done some preparation for the "just in case" so that I'm not left out in the cold if things do fall apart. If they do I know that I'll be coming back here to OKC as there is nowhere else that I will get the support and encouragement that I need to continue getting better and become more stable in my thinking and my actions. Sometimes I just think it would be easier to just go back to pack my things and leave but I really don't want to leave him because I do love him so much -it's just the living situation that is bothering me - we live in an extremely small town that is at least twenty miles from the nearest shopping or activity - this leaves me with not much to do during the day besides walking to the post office for the mail or going to the library - yes, it is that small - go through the stoplight, blibk, and you've missed it - LOL.
I've tried hobbies, puzzles, games on the computer but I really want some human interaction and I am having real trouble finding that - very frustrating.
Well, enough for now as a headache is coming on - Thanks for reading and I look forward to any comments and/or ideas from anyone.
Sending good thoughts and wishes always,