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Vacation away from constant reminders of no life



Have been with my parents now since the last week of June - took my daughter with me on one leg of the trip before she went back to her Dad's for summer visitation. We went to visit my youngest brother who lives in PA - we were there for a week, then came back to Indiana to drop her off and pick up more clothes for me just before the 4th of July and then came to Oklahoma, stopping to see some family in St. Louis on the way.

It has been a good experience on the whole - seeing old friends(half of which I don't even remember anymore, but it was fun hearing about out exploits in younger years!), going to the church that I grew up in and that my daughter was baptised in. It's been really nice to be able to get out of the house and do things instead of feeling trapped with no one to go see or talk to as it is at home.

Which makes me wonder if my marriage is going to survive - I love him dearly but I don't know if I can survive without someone to talk to other than him, something to do besides read and take care of the house and my garden and then wait for him and my daughter to get home from work and school - the lonlieness was killing me and killing our relationship along with the huge moey issues that result from all the treatments, medications, and doctor visits.

I am sometimes amazed that we have lasted this long as we didn't really get to have that firsy couple of years in our new marriage to really develop that closeness and ways to really communicate as a married couple - I had my stroke just six months after our marriage on October of 2005. Something strong must still be there though as we keep hanging on and reaching out to try to make things work, so hopefully when I get home we can really wipe the slate clean and start over again.

I have though done some preparation for the "just in case" so that I'm not left out in the cold if things do fall apart. If they do I know that I'll be coming back here to OKC as there is nowhere else that I will get the support and encouragement that I need to continue getting better and become more stable in my thinking and my actions. Sometimes I just think it would be easier to just go back to pack my things and leave but I really don't want to leave him because I do love him so much -it's just the living situation that is bothering me - we live in an extremely small town that is at least twenty miles from the nearest shopping or activity - this leaves me with not much to do during the day besides walking to the post office for the mail or going to the library - yes, it is that small - go through the stoplight, blibk, and you've missed it - LOL.

I've tried hobbies, puzzles, games on the computer but I really want some human interaction and I am having real trouble finding that - very frustrating.

Well, enough for now as a headache is coming on - Thanks for reading and I look forward to any comments and/or ideas from anyone.

Sending good thoughts and wishes always,



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hey Mel:


I can identify with your situation, it's not your hubby's fault that you don't have people to interact with. e all humans need interaction with people, have you looked at the volunteer opportunity at hospital, you should get involve in your church where you meet people and interact. I think your hubby is foe keeps if he stuck by you even after stroke he is great guy, appreciate that.




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I tend to agree with Asha; hubby has stuck by your side throughout this ordeal. I'd say he's a keeper as well. You said you can walk to the library - how about volunteering at the library for something to keep you occupied as well as human interaction. Depending on the size of the library and the number of patrons, they may have programs like story hour for the smaller kids. Eventually, volunteering could possibly lead to a paid position which would help you guys out as well.

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I used to love small town life; I don't live in one now, and in some regards I am glad, because there are many more resources in a larger populated area. On the other hand, small town life often times has a better sense of community. So each type has its own advantages.


I find that when I am lonely is when I need to reach out. I need to make the move to initiate a relationship or activity. It is easy for me to lament my situation if I let myself, so I do what I need to do to reach out; to make new friends or make a phone call or whatever. I am always glad that I made the effort afterward. It may seem hard in the beginning, but it always pays off in the end.


I agree that volunteer work is a great outlet. I do some here, and my church has many opportunities available where they can use help. Maybe you can find something likewise there.


As for your marriage, your husband has been by your side, so my suggestion is to keep trying to make it work. There are so many instances where stroke of one partner has broken up the family unit. In your case it hasn't, and that is wonderful. I wish I could say my family stuck together after my stroke, but it didn't. That wasn't my choice, and I now realize that it is their loss and not mine.


I wish you the very best.



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Mel, your husband has really done well in sticking with you through the stroke journey. So many lose their partners over an illness that it is such a blessing when your partner does stick by you. Life isn't real exciting sometimes, but that is what I personally like now, peace and quiet!


When I was going through a rough patch in my marriage once a wise friend told me to stop looking for all things in one person! That was good advice. Which is why I go to different people with different needs. Guess that is why I stick with friends and acquaintances that I know I can chat to any time too.


Maybe to fill in what you now see as empyt time you could take up a couple of new hobbies, take an interest in community doings, take on a new volunteer job.There must be plenty of volunteers needed in even your small community. You seem to have so much talent I am sure there must be organisations who would love your help.


If you are lonely use the phone, the internet and the email system here. There are always a lot of newbies here who would love an encouraging email I am sure.


Sorry you are going through a blue patch right now, hope life seems brighter for you soon.



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