My heart is BURSTING with joy and love. My young son, his wife and I decided to sit down and talk about how we all felt. I have always felt there was a wall I couldn't break down between my daughter-in-law and me. This talk tore down the wall. Many misunderstandings were talked out and I have the center of my life back and a new daughter.

I love my boys more than anything in this world. When they were born, I was suppose to have a boy and then a girl. I ended up with two boys (my husband messed up , what can I say ). On the those days my boys were born, I decided I would wait impatiently for the day they got married and I would finally have my daughters.

Pls don't misunderstand. I knew that when I gave birth and met my boys, I knew I would love them. I was not prepared for how much I loved them, though. Man, they were and are great looking boys then; men now. But to me, beauty on the outside is only the luck of the draw. My boys have always had beauty on the inside, too. I am so lucky to be the mother to my boys. I don't know how I got to be so lucky but I won't look a gift horse in the mouth. They are the center of my life. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, they will always be in the center of my heart.

My boys grew up and they gave me the gift of daughters.

The other night, when my young son, his wife and I talked, we got to know each other. Its amazing how much my daughter and I have in common. I am so glad we are getting to know each other. Now that we have had our talk, I look forward to working on our relationship through having fun together. I thanked her for thinking that this relationship is worth working on. For if it weren't for her, this would not have happened or worked. I am sooooo very lucky.

WE LIKE TO DO OUR EXERCISES:

A couple of weeks ago, I was going up the stairs and I was just about at the top when I thought I couldn't make it any further. Then I vaguely felt my muscles working and I realized I could trust my muscles to work for me. What made me feel badly was my nervous system. So, I'm thinking maybe there is a greater separation between the muscular system and the nervous system. My dr. said nerves grow between 1/4" to 1/2 an inch a year. So, my latest theory is to exercise my muscles as much as possible until my nerves catch up to my muscles.

I think what makes me feel badly are my nerves and I can push on and strengthen my muscles. I went out and bought an exercise ball, a thing called a rower (an elastic band joining stirrups for the feet and handles for the hands), and a mini-stepper (I haven't used that, yet, as some assembly is required and I haven't been able to find "quality time" w/ my son, he's been so busy). About as much as I can do on the ball is to sit on it and keep my balance. I also, move the ball back and forward and try to keep my balance. Its degrading as to how bad I am on this as before my stroke, I could do just about anything. But I will get there. Also, I bought a basic book on yoga. My living room is slowly turning into a gym; perhaps I can sell memberships . I have been doing all of this for about a week or little more. I feel I am walking better and I think my balance is getting better. I am working on my core muscles and I feel the difference. I still work on the treadmill, too. I found that walking slower on the treadmill makes my left leg work harder. So speed isn't always the best thing but some days, I do speed it up. This all may be old hat to you all or maybe I am on the wrong track; I don't know.

The best thing, though, is my daughter (see above--I love writing that word), found an article on a research study that is being done. The research they have done so far has helped people who walk w/ a limp for whatever reason. The researchers want to expand this study further to include stroke survivors as they think this will help.

The study centers on a treadmill that has two sides, a left and right side. The left and the right sides work independently of each other and the technicians can make the treadmill do all kinds of things. They hook the participants up to a harness and run them through their paces. I have been screened and barring some unforeseen thing, I will start the study in mid-fall. I am very excited about this. I think it will be a challenge and I love a challenge.

NO ANEURYSM:

This is the best news. What more can I say. The head of neurology at Johns Hopkins looked at all my X-rays, MRI's and MRA's and said that if someone who didn't know my background looked at the films, they would interpret that I have an aneurysm. But, he said, it is just what is left of where my bleed was. I will have good and bad days. I will feel funny things. Sometimes my eyes will do the jig and give me trouble w/ focusing, that I will have problems w/ balance and dizziness. He said I will always have headaches...but I've never had headaches. Not pre-stroke or post stroke (sometimes I would get a searing sharp pain on the back, left side of my head but only for a few seconds. But it didn't occur very often). He said for the amount of damage that was done to brainstem, which is about as much as anyone could have, I have come a long way and it is miraculous how far I have come. I know how lucky I am. I don't know why, I will never know the answer to that. I just don't think I am the person who deserved this luck but I will live w/ it and I will try to do the best I can w/ whatever time I have left. That's why I have to get as strong as I can so I can get out and do something. Take Care. LK