Hi Mel,

Congrats on the stroke anniversary and sorry to hear you had a mini stroke. Hope no serious deficits.

Hope you and the family have a Blessed Easter. Your monthly traditions are similar to our Catholic Lenten ones.

Mel:

congrats for your 2year anniversary and sorry to hear your second ministroke lucky it wasn't serious enough to do lot of damages. yu try to be careful about your BP, we don't want major etback in this post stroke journey. I am sure you are going to have great easter, I would love to see some simple vegatrarian greek dishes recipe since from my hollywood movie experience it felt greek wedding and Gods are very similar to Indian traditions.

Asha

HI MEL!

I just joined this website yesterday. I signed on today not knowing what exactly I was looking for...help for me...for my Mother, I don't know. When I clicked on your blog from April 2nd I just fell apart...am sitting here weeping as I write. The thing is that when I saw that you were Greek Orthodox I guess I took it as a sign from God that I was where I needed to be to find healing.

Your entry is very nice...positive, and upbeat. I applaud you for it, because it is the only way to beat anything. God Bless You.

I guess I need a place to unload my sadness so that the healing can begin. So I apologize for the length of this entry, I guess I just need to do it. I am going through a difficult time with my Mother's recovery from her third stroke. To back track for a bit. She had her first stroke 7 years ago. Although she was in a wheelchair for a time, by the end of that year she was walking and getting back to her old self. She was on Plavix and Norvasc from that point, but nothing for cholesterol since she lowered her cholesterol naturally. I guess she got tired of the pills, never liked them to begin with. She was always stubborn, sometimes it was a good thing, and sometimes not. She finally was convinced to have hip surgery last year in March. She should have replaced both hips but did only one. Anyway, last November she had a day when she didn't feel so great, so she decides to start taking her pills again, but she didn't go to the ER or anything, instead she waited for my Sister to get home. Sis takes her blood pressure and it's over 180. So straight to the ER they go. They keep her for observation, but don't give her anything. While she is there she has her second stroke, now on her left side. I flew out from CA to NY the next day, and that is where I stayed from November until end February.

Her prognosis was good. Just take the pills, do her exercises, etc. But she was determined to be angry and depressed. She was in the hospital for a month in a rehab program. She did fine at the hospital, until she got home where everything went from bad to worse. A key component to her disintegration was the fact that my Father, who is much older, had fallen the day before she got home and cracked his hip. I guess she felt overwhelmed with sadness and despair with what was happening to them and to her children, and guilt for not continuing to take her pills regularly. My Sister had just graduated recently and had to work long hours to pay off student loans, I left my job to come out and care for them. My Mother just decided she wanted to die. She basically went from a compliant patient in the hospital to someone at home that refused to eat and take medication. It happened slowly, and my Sister and I were ill equipped to deal with it. I would go to my Father in the hospital, and then to my Mother at home. No one was happy, and the behavior got increasingly difficult, no sleep, paranoid, fearful, you name it I saw it. I had a couple of times when I just lost it. I was trying too hard at times, and then at times just surrendering. I would cook, and my mother wouldn't eat. There were stand offs with pills, etc. It got really bad. I would apologize to my Mother for getting angry and then just beg her to help me help her. She just didn't want to go on. Watching a parent give up can make you very angry and afraid.

Then things got really worse. The week that she was scheduled to see the Neurologist he changes her anti-depression meds, and her BP med. She went from taking Lexapro to Zoloft for depresion, and then from taking Plavix to Aggrenox, which is supposed to be a stronger blood pressure controller. That day I take her home and go to drop off her pills, the Zoloft is available for pick up the next day, the Aggrenox won't be available until the end of the week, the pharmacist says it's OK to just keep giving her the Plavix until then. The week was hard, she really didn't want to take anything, I went for a walk by mid week to get some air, because the fighting over pills and food got so bad, she freaked out. I come back and apologize again and say please help me Mommy. She just looks at the floor. The Zoloft was not working yet. Then the morning that I was going to pick up the Aggrenox she was acting very strange, all dressed at 4 am and wanting to leave the house. I took her to the ER. They find another stroke. It's mild they say, in the same spot as the previous one, there isn't any further damage they say. Boy were they wrong!

I don't know how to explain it but my Mother is gone...just gone! She is not the woman I brought home from the hospital. I have been wracking my brains trying to figure out when the point of no return happened. Was it the fighting? Did it cause the stress that caused her stroke? If it was I blame myself but I don't know how it would have been preventable if she just plain refused medication, and food. I was her therapist both psychologically and physically and I had so many special little talks with her to try to get her motivated to walk, to eat, to want to live, it just got so hard. My Sister tried to help, but she would get upset too. My Mother was getting increasingly difficult. We were babes in the woods, just trying to make her happy and failing. Poor Sis got angry, is angry still.

Was it the medications that caused her stroke? I mean she went from Lexapro to Zoloft, maybe that wasn't the right thing to do. Maybe the Lexapro was too strong? Maybe she just should not have been on anti-depressants. Maybe it was the Aggrenox, maybe they should have prescribed that for her from the get go. No one said to me to get her that pill immediately, maybe it would have prevented the third stroke. I knew nothing about pills or what questions to ask about anything, and I had two sick parents. I didn't know what was coming, and how it could get worse. I have such guilt about everything.

At first my Mother was just depressed, now she hears and sees strange things. She is off of the Zoloft because the side affects were halucinations, etc. It's been a few weeks since she has been off of it but she is still hearing and seeing strange things. Her brain is definitely being affected by something, and I don't know if it is the stroke, or pills, or what. Her doctor wants her to be seen by a psychiatrist before being prescribed anything else. We all agree. In the meantime I am so desperate that I am researching alternative therapies, chinese medicine, you name it I am trying to find out about it. But I am afraid to just try anything and make a bad situation even worse. But she is getting worse everyday and we fear for her safety. I found a wonderful live in nurse to stay with them while I come back to CA and pack up our lives to move back. The nurse tries to take her for walks when the weather is good, but she has a hard time with her, the depression and negativity are too strong.

My Mother was a very vibrant person. She is a Greek immigrant that came to this country leaving her whole family behind. She raised two daughters and got them through college. She created a community of friends that adore her. She cooked great meals, and invited people over all the time, never shutting the door on anyone. She loved people. She was even a home care nurse herself, and the children of the people that she cared for still come to see her often. She was just like that Father in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, stubborn, loveable, and very patriotic. I look at photos of her smiling face and I am wrecked. I am at a loss for how to help her. If you or anyone else out there has any thoughts I would embrace them whole heartedly for my Mama.

I am fasting too for Easter as I do every year. I am praying and trying to keep the faith. I will keep the candles lit. I pray for you and your family to enjoy many bright blessings in the future. Thank you for reading and for your uplifting post, and Kalo Pascha.

Yasou! Kali Sarakosti!

Xristos Anesti kai Xronia Polla.

Eva - I am so glad you are here! I wish I was next door to you to offer better comfort...althouh I know that the Nistia can help you find some comfort and I am sure you are praying more, as am I. I will light a candle for you and your mitera. My mana is the base of our family heart and I know we would be just devastated. I am third generation and know tht the only thing you can get a Greek to do is not change - LOL.

I can somewhat relate to caring for a stubborn Greek - my Yiayia is suffering from Alzheimer's and has broken her hip and has had two mini-stokes which have left her with foot-drop and she is now in a nursing home because she became so combative and had to be restrained to a wheelchair and her bed. My Theios is also suffereing Dementia and early onset Alzheimer's, my Theia Sophia is not in good health either but now has the responsibility of Papou, Theios, and bringing Yayia home whenever they can. It is so hard, so undescribable - I am sending you a big comforting agkaliazo to take with you wherever you are.

Please know that there is nothing you could have done to prevent your mitera's stroke, nor is there anything you can really do to prevent another. Thy still haven't figured out why mine happened.

Be easy on yourself, rest, get some counseling for you and the family quickly. I know that the pride will be an issue, so maybe see if the Father at the church can come talk with her. They can bridge things sometimes that others can't.

Please keep in touch and let me know how you are,

Me agapi-

Melissa

Thank you achandra and Melissa for the really nice personal messages. I sent you both a reply. I wish I had thought to post my replies here, I guess I am still an amateur at this.

Your words are helping me. I also really like the great quotes at the bottom of your signatures. Good words to ponder. I need to stay strong to see if there is anyway to help my Mom. Bless you both.

I know we are all struggling out there, I guess fighting against the despair is the biggest challenge. I'll keep you and your families in my prayers.

This is a good place for me to be to be able to find a way to move forward from this. Here is to the promise of better days tomorrow. Bless all of you out there.

Eva, if you copy and paste your first reply here you can start a new post with it in Caregivers section. Or you can introduce yourself as a newbie and you will get a great welcome here. I just want to welcome you to Strokenet which is a great support site. You've found the blogs, now read the posts and if you can join in the chat.

Mel, so sorry to here you have had another mini-stroke, it is so discouraging and each struggle back is harder. You are such a strong woman from all of this and much valued here as a great example to others. Your replies to Eva are a testament to that. Glad you are home and ok.

(((Hugs))) to both of you.

Sue.

Hello to all!

Fisrt let me say to Host Sue...thank you for the advice on how to introduce myself. I mean to take some time to do that properly it is just that everything has been a bit chaotic. Since I last posted here things for my family became a bit more complicated and I hopped on a plane to get to my Mother right away so that I can take her back to the hospital, and I have been in NYC ever since just visitng with her everyday and trying to help her get better. She has been very confused, and combative, and unwilling to eat, sleep, or take her pills. We had to have her admitted to a geriatric psych unit so that they can help us get her back to a good emotional and physical state. It is hard seeing her in there, but the place is nice, and she looks a lot better than when I got here...she was so yellow, and sleep deprived, and thin. She has a little color back, and she is eating and sleeping just a little bit more. There is so much to say about what the past few weeks have been like, and I think that I will take some time a little later on this week and summarize it here on the boards because I have learned so much (am still learning) and I know that it will help someone out there.

Mel - Christos Anesti! Hope your Easter was good. Easter in Astoria is really nice, and it's nice to be with family during these trying times.

Hugs and Blessings to all.

Eva

Eva - Alithos Anesti! I have been wondering how you are and havehad both you and your mother in my thoughts this past weekend! Our Easter was grand - lots of good food and good company

A new greek restaurant opened in our area! Yay - don't have to travel quite as far now for fresh feta and olives and phyllo - he'll even order in lamb if I ask him :bouncing_off_wall: