I have always been real stubborn about visits to the doctor. I go because I have to go and I go for my physical every year. I HAD to go on Monday, after having had a miserable week-end filled with shoulder and back pain. The real mistake was taking two Advil about five o'clock, the another three Advil about ten when I was trying to get to sleep - then taking a Voltarin for my back about two in the morning. By morning I was sick to my stomache and the pain hadn't gotten any better. Bill had a physical in the afternoon so I made an appointment with my doctor to follow his appointment.

I remember when I began having shoulder problems about three years ago. At that point there was no way I thought I could take care of it because both arms were needed to take care of Bill. I couldn't imagine possible being out of commission for a month or so - I was too valuable.

So, when Bill and I went to the Christmas show at the Greensboro Collesium I got a magnet bracelet and my shoulder DID improve greatly. Last week though it got to the point where I had pain radiating from my shoulder across the muscle in the back and settling in a cervical disk. (NO - it isn't my heart for any of you who are suspicious!!) When my doctor walked in the room and I dissolved in tears he announced I WOULD be going to see an orthopedic specialist. Funny how pain makes me a very compliant patient!

I had my appointment and there is good news and bad news. I won't be having surgery. No, the injury has existed too long to do anything that will help. And, oh, isn't it amazing that my pain is in the back of the shoulder and not in the front where I have bone on bone rubbing? My back xrays look like a corkscrew. At the base where I had the bulging disks years ago I now have bone on bone rubbing too. My lower back is like a swayback horse, then the mid-section is obviously scoliosis and at the cervical area my spine is now showing signs of "humping" - probably a result of protecting that injured shoulder.

And so, this week I'll go to the physical therapist to get some back exercises and continue to take my 800 mg of motrin three times a day. If I need it, I'll take a darvocet at bedtime. The days of taking Bill's wheelchair in the trunk of the car and pulling it out then putting it back are over though. I have to draw a boundary around what I can and can't do. And if there isn't a wheelchair available to transport Bill if we need to we just won't go to that place anymore.

I hate to harp on the toileting issue but I still haven't found a good solution to our missing the mark issue. I am ordering today a guard for the toilet. Now, that will work if he sits down. My training has been going on for months now. If I am in or near the bathroom Bill will sit on the toilet, or stand directly in front of it with the seat up and the problem is greatly diminished. However, he has now resorted to sneaking........When he sneaks he doesn't lift the seat, doesn't sit and doesn't watch where he is going. At those times I end up washing the floor - hoping I can keep the bathroom from smelling of urine. This isn't once in a while - we are talking everyday and at night if I don't wake up. Even when I do wake up it is extremely difficult because Bill is sleeping and normally is sleep walking into the bathroom and stopping when he approaches the toilet. He stands about a foot away and just goes. Now he is getting frustrated with me when I say anything to him. He denies what he has done and just flatly refuses to make any changes. I guess I should be grateful since he has only wet his pants three times this week and hasn't missed getting to the bathroom for a bowel movement once. He won't tell me before he is having a problem and won't tell me afterward. He just comes out to the living room without his pants, at which time he knows I will usher him back into the bathroom to get "fixed up".

I don't know, maybe I just needed to whine a little. I wish I had a solution, but if the guard doesn't work I don't know that there is one. I have tried repeatedly scheduling him and he refuses to go when I ask him. He has taken to waiting until I get out of eye shot then going to the bathroom. I wish I could say I have consistently kept my cool. I haven't - I have told him I'm frustrated and asked him what I can do. That's like talking to a three year old about potty training. Maybe I should start using his sushi as a bribe!!