Doreen, I don't have any idea of how you can get Bill to "agree" to go into respite. Ray was a bit of a problem the first time but I told him it was a choice of two weeks or the rest of his life so he agreed to two weeks.

My Mum on the other hand really played up every time I mentioned respite so I booked it anyway so Ray and I could have a holiday. As time got closer I panicked a bit so the day before I went to see the Director of Nursing. She asked what time Mum was usually picked up for Daycare and to have her ready at that time. At 9am along came a worker in a car and invited Mum to go for a drive with her, off they went in the car. Apparently the girl had some errands to run and took Mum with her, then went back to the Lodge and settled her in to morning tea. After morning tea the Director explained to Mum that as we had gone away for a few days she had been given a room there and would just join in with everyone else and have a good time. But Mum did have dementia and not much short term memory so I guess that helped.

I think it is wise to book your respite period now, whether for a week or two weeks and just tell Bill as you get to within a few days that he is going into respite and that is it. Would one of your children come down for a few days to supervise him going there or is that too much to ask? Because they will often do something for another person that they wouldn't do for you. I know that is true of both Mum and Ray!

Dear friend you do need a break and whatever it takes to get you one just has to be done. As you have rightly pointed out if anything happens to you the choice of where he ended up would be in someone else's hands and it would be whatever was available, not necessarily the best possible placement for his needs.

Sue.

Dear Doreen,

Yes...do take advantage of the respite opportunity you folks are lucky enough to have provided for you!!! I KNOW Bill's response would be the same as your Bill's. After all, wouldn't YOU prefer 24/7 undivided attention to having to wait your turn for anything???? I can tell I'm nearing burn-out again because I'm feeling the pressure of taking care of someone who doesn't have the ability to consider how life is for his caregiver. Bill always asks if there is anything he can do. That's another story though!

Sue has so much experience with this issue - she sure is the expert with wonderful advice!!

Doreen:

I am survivor though I understand how much all of you caregivers have to do, though we are fortunate in that regard. I am quite independent and make sure my hubby has to do minimum for me. I really hope and pray Bill agrees to go to respite and gives you your needed break.

Asha

Doreen,

I too hope that Bill willingly goes for the respite idea. You deserve and need that time to re-energize yourself.