Wow, it's been a while since I've been able to write here. There has been a lot going on - my mom had a stroke earlier this week, and that has certainly been eventful. Hers was on the right side of her brain in the occipital lobe, so her speech is not affected, but her balance and coordination are, and she can't seem to see anything in her left field of vision. She was in the hospital having heart problems when it happened, and that was good because at least they caught it right away. She had a pacemaker put in today, which should help, but she is very weak and we don't really know yet what the extent of her impairment will be. The doctor said no more driving and that she can't live alone, and she is NOT going to like that, but the time has come when she is going to have to go with the program and maybe she won't fight it too much. Larry's caregiver will come in on Sunday for a few hours so that I can drive out to see Mom (an hour away), and my sisters and I can talk to her about options. I'm sure that will be a fun conversation - Mom is very stubborn and thinks she is independent, although she has not been for some time, and I know this will very hard for her. Just glad that one of my sisters has been right with her this whole time, because I haven't even been able to get out there to see her and I feel very guilty about that.

We had Larry's "welcome home" party last week, and it was great. We had about 50 people, and we were out in the back yard making noise until 2AM...fortunately we invited all the neighbors, so nobody complained! Larry had a lot of fun and enjoyed seeing colleagues and friends that he has not seen since his stroke. We had way too much to eat and to drink, and made a giant fire in our backyard fireplace that got a little out of control but looked very pretty. It took 2 days to clean it all up, but it was worth it and we had a blast.

Larry still won't go to therapy. I have an appointment with a neurologist tomorrow, and he does not want to go to that either, but I'll go without him anyway just so that I can get some of my questions answered. I'm struggling with how to accept that Larry just doesn't want to cooperate with my master plan for helping him get better...even though he's impaired, it's still his life, and if this is what he wants I can't do much but concede the point. He did go to an OT appointment last week, but was very unhappy about it and I don't think he'll go again. We'll see - so far he has made it very clear that he doesn't want to go and wants me to quit bugging him about it. I don't know how to help him. I got him into a great speech therapy program at the university where he used to teach...thank you again to whoever it was here that suggested that, I'm sorry I can't remember who it was. Their program is world-class, and there is a 3 year waiting list, but since he was faculty they got him in...of course he would not go at the last minute...I am so sad for him, and angry that he won't try, and trying to get past MY expectations, which are really sort of irrelevant.

So, life is very complicated right now. I'm trying to get enough rest (hardly ever do), and eat right (so-so) and exercise (again, so-so); there just are not enough hours in the day. I don't think it will get any worse than this, and that's good, because I'm about full up as far as how much more stress I can take these days. Well, at least I am in good company!

xxxoo

-Janine