Ray is still in hospital. He has almost fully recovered from the pneumonia but is still awaiting further investigation of his anemia and also waiting for an EEG which may show that he is having fits now. I know these things need to be investigated but this is turning into a very long stay to fix up a few seemingly minor problems. As a Disabled Pensioner Ray is entitled to have a free hospital stay when he needs to so it is not the money it is the fact that he is not doing any exercise etc and so will be going backwards physically and mentally.
I am a bit worried about the fact that Ray has been moved onto the surgical floor and is now in a room by himself. It is a tiny room used by Mums with neonatal babes usually, the hospital is designed so certain areas can be used by different disciplines so surgery has "borrowed" four rooms from Maternity to use for people awaiting procedures. Ray needs company to keep him interested in life so it is not good for him to be alone. I feel as if I should be there with him, to keep an eye on him and keep him company. I didn't worry when he was with other people as I knew they would all keep an eye on each other.
The weather has turned bitter again and we had some cold rain today. I will be glad when spring comes and I can get going in the garden. There is always plenty to do, the weeds grow up, the herringbone fern takes over the back corner and I need to have the longer, warmer days to get it all sorted out again. The wind last night knocked down a couple of my flower stands and the pots were rolled down the back yard so I had to pick them up, scoop up the excess dirt and water them to help them settle again. A bit how my life feels at the minute I guess, as if the comfortable dirt has been knocked from around my roots and I am a bit exposed to the elements.
To add to my troubles my new built-in wardrobe is just about ready to erect so I needed to clean the old one out. Today I started on Ray's section and found some pathetic mementos, a couple of "traffic infringement notices" from 1996 that he had hidden under a pile of underwear, a few hundred dollars in an envelope obviously put away with some intention that his confused dementia affected mind has now forgotten. I also found a pile of old posters similar to the emails we get these days, some were a page of of wise sayings, there were illustrated poems and stories of heroic deeds. I know he used to collect them to read out at Lions meetings when that was popular in the early '90's. It is as though I am cleaning out his room in the same way I cleaned out my mother's house to place her in care. It is a mighty sad and lonely feeling.
So tomorrow I will not go to church but go and sit by Ray till lunchtime. I know he needs the company. I just feel so bad about how I feel about it. As if I no longer trust him to ask for the things he needs. I am not sure how he feels as he never says. This afternoon when Trev and I were there he just snuggled down under his covers and drifted in and out of sleep. I think he uses sleeping to pass the time now. Maybe I can rally a couple of other friends to go in on Monday when I will be in class. That way I will be sure that there is someone there to cut up his lunch for him if the nurses are busy and don't do it for him.
Please keep us in your prayers. I don't feel very confident about Ray being on his own. He is precious to me and I don't want anything else happening to him. Where is that big roll of cottonwool you wrap those you love in?...lol.