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a small triumph




Ray and I went on a bus trip today. I thought it would be okay as it was with the church oldies ( youngest my age, oldest 93) and only for five hours so I figured Ray could last that long. The day started badly with an "accident" but not a huge clean-up so I was still okay, Ray was okay, my temper was intact. Ray was "hurrying" as best he could as he knew we were going out for the day.


I did prepare some thickened drink for Ray, enough for two drinks, found an old thermos flask, a tall cup with a sipper on it, a couple of straws and packed some extra clothes in a small bag in case of more "accidents". It was almost like those days when you packed the nappy bag for the kids but I kept reminding myself that this is just part of our "new normal" and not anything to get upset about.


Our shower nurse today was a woman I call the "lovely one" as "lovely" is her favourite expression. She is a real gusher but so sincere that despite any heavy clouds hanging over you she still manages to brighten your day. I wish there were more people like her. So she shooed me off to do my walk and I came back feeling so much better. Amazing what a twenty minute walk in the sunshine will do.


There was not much parking at church as there was a funeral on but we managed to get a spot, and yes, the driver was more than happy to take Ray's wheelchair and so a happy day ensued. We went to a little village that specialises in gift shops, you know the kind, one step up from junk but very bright and cheerful. Ray and I shared a table with another couple for lunch and everything was fine so that was another plus for the day. With a lot of shops only open Friday till Sunday until the next school holidays it was a little quiet but that was good for the oldies with not a lot of people around and the footpaths to ourselves.


Ray was very tired when we got home and went straight to have his afternoon nap but I was so pleased he had coped with the day. It makes it easier to look ahead to summer with more hope. I have been so worried about his condition and how I would cope taking him out in public etc that I think I have been overly pessimistic. Well I hope that is the case. So maybe I can accept a few invitations and take it one step at a time, one event at a time and see how he copes with eating out etc. I'm so pleased today was a small triumph.


Yesterday we had our emergency respite person to look after Ray while I went to the last class of my "Carer Connections" course. I had to do that as he cannot go back to Daycare until his "health issues" have been re-assesed! She was just there as a minder as so didn't shower him or give him exercises. She did seem to connect with him though and he was okay with her being there with him. I stopped on the way home and picked up a birthday cake and a few "extras" so Trev, Ray and I had a nice dinner and dessert after. Ray was pleased with the phone calls etc he got throughout the day ( eight friends and family members remembered his birthday) so it was a happy day for him. He also got some birthday cards in the mail today which put a smile on his face.


It is hard as Ray's health deteriorates to see a good life ahead, but I am sure there are plenty of good times ahead of us. I keep telling myself I can only live one day at a time, not to anticipate problems, to enjoy the little things that amuse me, to find joy in a sunny day etc. Sometimes I can take that self-talk and it makes my day bright, but sometimes it just plain rings hollow in my ears. But it is all true. I have to live as happily as I can. It may not be happy ever after but it is happy for as long as it lasts.


I know some people reading my blogs will think I am a bit of a "sad sack" or maybe frequently down or depressed but really it is not like that. We all only get the one life and we each do the best we can with it. I often wish there was a road map for stroke survivors and their caregivers so we could see what is ahed. But I suspect it is better that we just be content to live one day at a time.



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I'm so so happy that you and Ray had a good outing and that he had a good birthday. It is definitely one day at a time - or even Carpe Diem



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I'm happy to hear that your's and Ray's outing went well..... and Happy Belated B-Day Ray. :happybday: You are right, one day and one step at a time.


Hugs to both of you. Anne

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I am so happy that your trip went so well & you are planning to give a shot of one day at a time motto. I hope this doesn't offend you, it's just viewpoint of lowly survivor. I always felt reading your blogs for past 3 years that you are worrier by nature about future and everything, and by doing that you are not apreciating your present. My hubby says by thinking about all that we plan better & prepared for everything. I always had that character flow I never used to plan anything & then we will be rushing or hubby will take care. now post stroke I changed a little bit & I plan but then I fret over things & don't enjoy the process, I am still trying to find happy medium for me.




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Glad to hear about your outing, and the chance you may have been overly pessimistic :-). Good on Ray and you !


Hope there are plenty of good times in the future.


And a Happy Birthday to Ray !





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sue i too am happy you both had a good day and pray you have many more to come. you and ray have had setbacks brfore and got thru them the best you could. this time will be no exception i'm sure. we cant worry about the future, we have no clue what to expect, just take each day as it comes and hope for the best. we all have our bad days, but you have to let them go and look forward to a new day. sounds like ray had a great birthday too. god bless you sue for all that you do. sending ((((hugs)))) your way. hopefully warmer weather will lift your spirits some.

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Hey Sue,

I am so happy to hear you were able to get out for a bit with Ray. Keep up the fight to get out of the house as much as feasible. It is so easy to get into a major depression when you are stuck looking at the same four walls. I agree that just taking a walk down the street (or a drive up the mountains in my case) can be so therapeutic. And when those situations arise when you are invited somewhere but unable to go, tell yourself, "we are unable to go THIS TIME, it doesn't mean we will never be able to again". Hope is what keeps us all going.


Love Ya,


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Sue, that was good to get Ray out for a day with the church members. I know having to deal with loading/unloading and pushing the wheelchair can get very tiring on you. Ray is about ready for a power chair but that's another problem to transport. I didn't want one for that reason and opted for a break down scooter I can handle with one hand and haul in my trunk.

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Hey there Sue. I am glad things are going along a bit better for you and Ray. And really glad to hear you two got to go for an outing. Take care of yourself my friend, and I will see you soon.



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