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AZ Leah

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This was the blog I was working on when my computer crashed. So instead of trying to edit it, I'm going to publish it as is. Stroke has taught me it doesn't help to try to be a perfectionist..

So here 'tis: written about October 1:

 

It's been a couple weeks since we've been back from California. The trip was nice but I am now spending time un-tripping (LOL I know that isn't a word). What that is for me is resting from the travel day, unpacking, doing and sorting the mail, paying bills, checking email, phone messages, ya da ya da ya da. I have the job of the bills and Jerry now does most dinners. The better I am the more responsibility I take on which is partly my fault. Anyway, I sometimes wonder if going away is worth it. We've gone away 3 times this year; two too many although I enjoyed seeing our friends the last two times in California.

 

I do prefer being home amongst my creature comforts and routine and it takes me a while to get back into feeling comfortable again. We just finished wash and I'm just about caught up with paperwork. I've been in the dumps a little lately...I don't think its depression altho' it could be a little of that too. I'm on an mild antidepressant and don't know if it helps but am not about ready to try without. I also think I am going through another level of acceptance of my physical, emotional condition since stroke, but lately I think it's more of adjustment and not acceptance. I do accept that this is what has happened...no denying that. But the adjustment of my life compared to my "old" life isn't coming all too easy. I try to focus on how much I have improved since I came home a little over 2 years ago and also thank God daily for saving me and for my recovery and for everything I am able to do which is a lot. I feel that I don't have any business feeling depressed but then again I know I am allowed to have my own feelings.

 

I went to Tucson's stroke support group (they meet monthly) and it was good. I also started working out with my trainer again and did 1/2 hr of pool on Sunday. I'm grateful our weather is still good. I've started my "routine" Dr. appts. Went to a new urologist last week who changed my RX and next week I start a neurostimulation program. Its 30min 1x/wk for 12 wks at her office using a needle electrode. I sure hope this helps. One BIG advantage is that I am now on Medicare and have a medical supplement which covers this program. I also have rheumatoid arthritis and I see that Dr. this week, then in a couple weeks I have my neurologist and primary care. I went on Medicare Aug. 1 and it's been a pain changing my prescription to the new pharmacy. All but one are done and so far all but one are covered (not all free of course). I have neuropathy in my feel real bad. I can feel it especially when I'm lying down. I take gabapentin for it at night but I don't like to take it in the day because it causes me to be more tired than I am. Without the neuropathy and chronic fatigue I think I could deal with everyday things better. Of course, my lame left leg isn't fun either but with a cane and walker I manage (real) short distances

 

I'm still optimistic about improving through the years. I think I miss gardening and shopping most. and and and!!!

Well, that's it for now folks. I finally got this pretty well finished. Oh, I added a recipe to the recipe forum and look forward to doing more. Hugs to all and thank you everyone for being here for me, Leah :hiya:

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hey Leah:

 

I missed this blog since you posted back to back so I missed it. I am glad your trip went well. I enjoy travelling since I love that whole family is together & doing things together. I was thinking about you still feeling bad sometimes. My only suggestion to you is read Jerry white's book I wil not be broken & try implementing those steps in your life, and you will see the difference in your stae of mind.

 

Asha

 

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Thanks Asha - it appears that we think along the same paths. I have already ordered Jerry White's book and look forward to receiving it. I have read most of the books I've seen on this site - One More Year is a good one and has identified a lot of feelings I couldn't put a finger on. Another is Only The Eyes say Yes - an incredible book about a man with locked-in syndrome with excerpt written by his wife and how they were able to put a life back together.

 

One of my favorite is "Strong at the Broken Places" by Richard M. Cohen about 5 people with chronic illness and how they have survived. Cohen was diagnosed with MS when young (20's) and is married to Meridith Vierda of The View. The book was written when he was early 60's; he's recently been on larry king live too. I always wished I had more time to read, which is a blessing in disguise of our survival. Later dear, Leah :giggle:

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