I am glad you are expressing your frustration. Life is not easy and if you don't express, it just gets bottled up. I don't know what to say except to offer that you are in both my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted especially after your doctor's appt.

Katrina,

Dear gal, depression is nothing to mess with. I know you hate taking meds but perhaps one is needed right now or some counseling to help you over this latest hurdle. We all need a help here and there along the way.

Ladst year when we relocated from AZ to PA my daughter felt she's not make any friends and deeply has missed her friends from AZ. One thing I suggested to her and I'm going to mention to you. Two words - Body Language. Someone who walks around with their head down and trying to ignore the world will get ignored as well. Use that sweet smile of yours and chin up - walk with your head high. You ARE wonderful and deserve great things to happen just as everyone else does.

It's ok to climb on the pity pot now and then but you have to remember to flush it before it overflows and you have a stinky mess to clean up.

Love you

Katrina, you are a lovely young woman, never let anyone tell you differently, it just shines out of you.

All of us have periods of self-doubt, periods when friends seem too busy to bother with us, our best efforts are laughed at or tossed aside and our self-worth just disappears. The thing to do then is just to consolidate. Put your head down over those books. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get to work, if you are working your marks will go up and you will win your confidence back.

Don't sulk in your room, go to the library instead and sometimes into the gym or wherever the exercise equipment is found and work out with whatever equipment is there. I know you have some stroke damage but use whatever muscles work and make yourself strong agian.

Write a lit of all the positives in your life starting:

1. I have a good personality

2. I am not afraid of hard work

etc.

I will leave you to make a list and you can post it here, like some people do in "100 things you don't know about me."

This is too early in your life to say you are a failure. You just need to work smarter not harder and put your energies into the things that will help you the most. You can do it, you have the brains to do it, the personality to do it and the cheer sqaud (us ) to cheer you on.

((HUgs))) from Sue.

Katrina:

I am reading "I won't be broken" book by Jerry white. please read it and try to implement some of it in your life. first and foremost accept the fact that this bad things has happened to you, now what. are you going to sit & cry all days about it. you are still young and still have lot of choices in your life. make a right choices. find out wht needs to be done to fix your grades and work towards it. you can't go on with life feeling like failure and poor me. everybody is fighting hard battle. In my son's school 11 year old boy got brain tumor. trust me even when you think you are the worst off there are far more people worse off than you & start counting your blessings when things feel dark around you.

Asha

Caged,

Its ok to cry and its ok to be depressed. Please dont do as I did and allow your depression and emotions to overcome your life. Seek help immediately. It may be necessary to get some medication to help you through these hard times and to level out your moods. No shame in that. Only a smart person seeks help and my friend, when you write your feelings down like that, that is exactly what you are doing.

I spent years being bitter, angry and jealous of everyone around me and livin in my past, instead of looking at what blessings I had and living for today, I lived in the past. IT ate me up inside,not to mention what it did to my family.

I understand where you are right now.. Life Sucks Sometimes. But we have no choice no other option, but to pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and start all over again. Dont give up your dreams, if something goes wrong, begin again, and again and again. DONT EVER GIVE UP, when you do you give up on yourself.

A good friend told me, Ann you are as disabled as you allow yourself to be, so quit crippling yourself. Caged, look for ways, positive ways, espcially through prayer, my friend God is the Answer, you must leave your heavy cross with him, he is the way and he is the only one that can truly help you. by believing in yourself , you believe in him as he made you in his likeness.. So you are special.

Life will get better, but you must open up your heart to his blessings and to his help. Who greater to help you .... Come on girl. get it together, tomorrow is a new day. Hey Ive done alot of crying in the last 5 years and I know I will do more in the next 5, WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS!!! THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Trust me on this one, Ive been there.

Ann

Little Chicklet,

The stress of trying o jump back into the grind and going from the ease of summer to pressure of a full schedule is tough on the main stream population added to already having your hands full with the challenges you have and you start off almost on the edge. Know that when you look around on that campus very few would have the guts or courage to have even ventured going to college aside from achieving what you have. I know you're tired of hearing the accolades and at this point, it's probably just an annoyance, but you are a very admired, intelligent, admired, and well respected young lady on that campus.

It's a new year and you can't pick up socially, academically, and emotionally from where you left the game in May. Holiday breaks are very different than 3 months and a new school year - give the year a little time to settle in and establish. Don't forget last year you were a freshman..this is the first time you are returning to school so much of what you are feeling... you had no prior knowledge of and weren't prepared for. Last year you weren't concerned about schedule conflicts and not seeing your friends you were making new ones. Relax - you'll establish a new life this year, new friends, see your old ones too. You can't continue last year for all 4 years ~ you just expand upon it and that becomes your whole college experience. Enjoy this - it's really the best 4 years of your life just have a great time meet as many people as you can and keep smiling that beautiful smile.

Love Maria

hi katrina,

i am sending you a big hug! you know, as the anniversary of our stroke approaches feelings can get intense. add to that starting a new semester and feeling depressed can all add up to being overwhelmed. hey, stroke sucks and life is hard but you have come so far. talk to your doc about how you are feeling. do your best in class and with your studies and take things a day at a time. we are all behind you...keep up the hard work and be kind to yourself! kathy