Sorry folks but my old computer doesn't like the new chat set up and won't let me in. So for now someone else will do it for me. I will be updating my computer though when I get back from my two little breaks so I will be back hosting again. I will miss chat as it has been a big part of my day.

Next week we are going to Camp Breakaway, it is only a short break, Tuesday lunchtime till Friday morning, but for me it is other people to talk to, others preparing meals and Ray still gets showered etc so virtually nothing for me to do. I find it is a pleasant break for me. He will go alone to the next session in November to give me a break at home. I'll need that as a run-up to Christmas, maybe get some shopping done and have that hair cut etc.

It is a dilemma in a way how to make the best of your life with a long term invalid. It is not the same as living with a person who more or less recovers fully after a trauma. I struggle to answer the question: What is the best choice to give the caregiver a break? Is it respite, other forms of care, family support? I think it is whatever helps to keep the cared for person in their own home. And ultimately, for the majority of us we know that in the end we will have to put our loved one into full time care and then we will be struggling with the guilt that arises from that.

The week after next we are going to Queensland for a week, to see Ray's brother who has lung cancer and his wife and to catch up with our other old friends who have been through a lot lately. Eric who worked with Ray many years ago has had major surgery for bladder cancer and frankly I think doesn't have a long life ahead of him now. We do speak to both couples by phone most weeks but there is so much more support in sitting in someone's house, drinking coffee and chatting. It is only human to want that full on companionship that only being present brings. I know that from having my daughter and her family so far away. It is lovely when she phones and I speak to the grandkids etc but it is no substitute for seeing them face-to-face.

Ray and I just went to a birthday lunch for my friend down the road. She has no children but lots of nieces and they are a happy, noisy mob and all very supportive. I think she enjoys being with them all so much. It was really nice that we were invited to join in this time. I think they suspect that this is her last "good year" so were all making a special effort. As I said in a previous blog I went to the same school for a year as some of the nieces so we all did the "long time no see" conversation and they passed around photos of the latest grandchildren. It was a very pleasant way to spend an afternoon.

I've been a bit down lately, not depressed so much as a little worried about the future past the end of the summer. Ray is not getting any more mobile. I have noticed he has more trouble getting up out of a chair and he sits a lot more inside now and does a fair amount of gazing into space. I wonder if the dementia meds are starting to lose their potency after him being on them a couple of years. The neurologist said that that might happen. I know I have to remind him of a lot of extra things now like taking his lunchtime meds. That was automatic before his hospitalisation, now left to himself he forgets to take them.

There are good things happening though. Spring is definitely here now. The birds are so busy flying around and pairing off that they ignore humans and seem set to knock you down as they fly past. We have a lot of trees in the back yards on our corner of the street so we are in their path as they fly from one tree to another. There is not a lot of flower in the garden, I didn't plant any annuals but I have tidied the garden beds up a bit and they look good with green foliage and the occassional flower. Gardening always makes me feel so much better so I have been outside quite a bit lately trying to shake myself out of the post winter blues.

I will miss you while I am away on my two mini vacations but will have access to the computer until next Monday and then for the weekend in between and if there is time I will update you on what is happening in our little corner of the world.