Mom - may she R.I.P.
Entry posted by dstraugh
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Hello my Cyber Family. This week, beginning Tuesday night, my life changed for ever. As many here know, there were quite a few issues going on between my Mother and I pre and post stroke. The last year we were in AZ things became worse in our relationship; after we relocated to Pittsburgh, it became even more strained to the point we quit talking in January after Mom said some hurtful things to Kristi.
Tuesday, 10-21-08, Mom's one close friend/neighbor called me to say that Mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Phone messages had been left for my Brother on his home phone and he had not returned them. Arlene asked me for Joe's cell phone number which I supplied. As we talked, Arlene told me some of what was going on. On 10-19 Mom sat Arlene down and told her that she had a cyst on her breast that had been bleeding and seeping for 2 years. Mom had not talked to the doctor about this so it was never properly checked out and treated.
During this 2 year period she also experienced back and stomach pain which just treated at home with no medical attention. She did not want to go to the hospital because she didn't want to be away from her dog, a shitzu, named Angel.
After Arlene left, Mom called Joe and told him she was sick and told him about the cyst. When Joe offered to go out and stay at her home with Angel so she could be in the hospital, she said "we'll see". Joe spoke to her on Monday and she said "you better come out"
On Tuesday the 21st Arlene walked into Mom's and got scared. She called the ambulance but Mom refused to go saying her son was coming and she had to wait for him. As the afternoon wore on Mom was getting worse. She couldn't walk as her legs were swollen to her thighs. Arlene once again asked if she should call the Ambulance; this time Mom said yes and was transported. The medic said they'd transport Mom to the closest facility which Arlene told me. Arlene told me that Mom had been going downhill for many months and Arlene felt there was a lot wrong.
After I disconnected my call with Arlene, I contacted the local hospital but was told she was not there. I called Joe and he told me he was flying to Phoenix that next morning 10-22 and he would find out what was going on and let me know.
Wednesday morning I called Arlene to see if she had heard anything. She had not; I then contacted the hospital that is covered by Mom's insurance. Mom was a patient in the ICU unit. I spoke with a nurse and after being on hold I was transferred to Mom's room
I spoke with Mom and she said the ER doc said the cyst was cancerous. I talked to her about options such as surgery. Her voice was weak until she heard me say that; she raised her voice and said she had already signed papers for no treatment - they would get strong and she was going home to Angel. As Kristi was home from school concerned about what going on, she got to speak to her Grandmother. They rectified their relationship and Kristi called her Grandma and told her she loved her. Mom got off the phone as she was in horrible pain. I did not have a chance myself to express my love.
Joe got to the hospital around 1 pm and stayed by Mom's side. A sonogram was completed and it showed that the cancer had spread throughout her body. Mom still insisted she was going home. Hospice came in and spoke with Joe to develop a plan of action.
At one point while she was resting he walked outside the hospital and called me. As he was going back to her room, I asked him a favor - to give her a hug, kiss, and tell her I loved her.
At 4:15 pm she passed away. As soon as Joe was leaving the hospital he called me before I called the hospital myself and found out.
He gave me play by play on all that had occurred. Even in all the pain she was experiencing she still smiled and tried to laugh at Joe's comments. She told Joe she loved me too. I got off the phone and was crying and telling her I was so sorry for everything that had happened between us and sorry that she was sick and we did not know it or we wouldn't have left AZ. Kristi was not home at this time so I had a huge outcry of emotions. I was able to calm myself enough to call Kristi to see where she was. She was on her way home thankfully.
I was on the phone with my Auntie when Kristi arrived; I got off the phone to tell Kristi. She took it hard, understandably and said that we left a dying woman alone when we moved.
Mom is to be cremated and Joe will bring her remains home where a mass will be held.
My one nephew and his wife and older children and my niece and her daughter are flying to AZ 10-25 to help Joe box up and ship memento's. Mom had no will, no insurance. As all happened so quick Joe couldn't get a power of attorney either.
I have wanted to help in someway. I wanted to get to get to AZ to be with my brother to help but my finances don't permit that. I spent much of my time trying to arrange for financial help - had no luck. Joe gave me an assignment to find a way to get Angel transported to Pittsburgh to live with Kristi and I so we can care for her for Mom. Time and money is of the essence. Thank God it appears thing are moving in the right direction to make this happen.
I know the days ahead will be full of ups and downs as Joe returns and memorial services are arranged as well as Mom's final resting place. My doctor prescribed Ativan for me to help with my anxiety issues.
Through this ordeal, my strokenet family has been by my side and I thank you all. Special thoughts and appreciations go out to 4 special members: Chris, Kimmie, Jan & Maria. Without these 4 individuals helping me and being there for me I'd be lost.
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