Hey everyone! I had my surg yesterday It went fine Im a little sore but... Im home! I think I met an angel. She is 84 her name is Evelyn. She had a mesetomy 2 mths ago. She was recovering from a minor surgery today and 12/31/08 she goes in for open heart surg. Her only care at the time was me. When I was discharged the nurse took me to say goodbye to her, shes such a beautiful person such faith and love. Ill ask a favor please pray for Evelyn. Faiths spreads. I thought that my stroke was for a reason. I thought it was because my life was going good and I was forgetting the lord. I wondered why, God must have a plan. I hate to say I lost my patients. I got angry I did not have an answer, and took it out on my wife(Im a dope)I did not have an answer and then got more distant with God.(what a mistake) but

I got more depressed. It started to get bad. I got crazy. I started imagining my wife, friends ,and family were out to get me. Just picture me not trusting anyone and needing help from eveyone. Talk about depressed talk about crazy. I was more and more paranoid I just stayed in my room but would get mad if my wife did anything. My relationship with my wife got bad we could no longer comunicate it was so bad we avoided each other. I was psychcotic I had paranoid behaviors I hide things and would loose them. Some how I realized it was me, that I was psycho, I got more paranoid I did not know what to do. I finally Had the chance to talk to Kelly. God intervened She was affaid to be alone with me, there was always arguments but one day I was once again in the hospital and Kelly could not get someone to go with her to visit. God knew it was time and my wife had to come alone. I turned my back on God but God never turned His back on me. I was desparate and prayed the famous "God help me " prayer. That day I told Kel I was sorry and told her about my crazy thoughts. Well with Gods help I felt better. As time went on I least my mind did better. My wife and I got along and were getting closer. I started realize I did have a problem. I never trusted anyone since I was a kid I did not trust anyone I was only so close I protected my heart by trusting no one. Now I understood my crazyness. I depended on people. I needed them. That made me unsafe For the first time I really needed to let the wall around my heart down. Well my wife ,brother my wifes sister were with me for my surgery , my brothers wife at home with kids praying. They all love and care about me. I love and care about them always did. They have been by my side though all of this. After my " oh!God" prayer I learned I have a loving wife and family that I can TRUST I let the walls down and finally live. It took now I trust them 2 strokes many illnesses and heart surg for me to truly be free. Thank you God. A wife and family I can trust and I know will always be by my side is the best present I could have . Thanks for the stroke