2008 is ending
it is a relief to say that Christmas is over. Everyone around the condos all seem to share the letdown caused by the expectations we all have of the perfect family holiday. Ours was fine...i was amazed and, almost appalled, at the number of expensive gifts our grandson Connor received. Perhaps I was just overwhelmed by the day but things were certainly different when i was a kid. gee, i swore i would never say that.
i have been reading posts and blogs this morning and am thinking of the issues members have coming up or are going through. Hospital tests, procedures, family fights, anniversary dates and season depression.......and i am touched by the strength of the human spirit and the depth of love a person can have for another.
sue's blog about not to worry about tomorrow really touched me. i am so much more fearful of the future than i was pre stroke. i am starting to realize that i expend too much emotional energy in this area. i worry about money and what will happen if something happens to my hubby. he was not a planner and without his pension (which stops when he does) i will have just my ssdi. he always saw me as strong, working and self-sufficient. i can make myself nutsy over the situation and now i realize that what happens will happen. i need to let go of what i have no control over.
my sister gave me a Y membership for christmas and wants me to try to get back in the water and exercise. i am going to try, but i am going to pace myself and try not to overdo. i still have a very hard time accepting that i do not have the stamina that i used to. i push myself and then get tired and once i am tired i just get emotional and go down hill from there. i have been thinking about this cycle i set up and put myself through; i am trying to learn to say no to others and stop to myself. it goes against my basic personality which was always living life to the fullest and being a doer. somehow i have to moderate and live my life to its fullest within the parameters of my stroke without being defined by the stroke.
i am so grateful for my cyber friends and family here. it is often their wisdom and humor that help me over a rough spot. i know now that my family will never understand my stroke.......and i am begining to accept this so, i have come to rely on the support here at strokenet.
so, as the old year comes to an end and we look forward to 2009, i wish everyone health, happinnes and love in their lives and a special wish for peace in the world. kathy
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