Sorry I have not updated my blog in a while. The meds have had me on an emotional rollercoaster. I didnt want to write 1 sad entry then have to write another one right after posting the first because I was no longer sad. I cant wait to go back to the doctor to see what he can do about the meds. Well I got my first B. The one teacher who doesn't believe in "perfect scores", the one teacher who I reported to the department chair, and the man who lost half of my test papers at the end of the year leaving me barely anything to study with, gave me a B. I had already explained the situation to my dad so luckily he did not go hard on me. I am just proud of myself for starting off with an F but ending with an A in biology and bringing my B to an A in English Lit honors. All of that Dracula and long papers actually paid off. So now I have a 3.9 but its better than having a 3.8. I am ready to go back to school and bring my grades up but I am not ready for all of that walking after this long 3 week break!

In other news my diving is going splendid. Instead of driving my dad's '95 4runner, he allowed me to drive his 2007 Envoy denali. I drove around the city and changed lanes very good. I even made a left turn while a car was about to pass in front of me so it showed my dad I knew how to react during an unexpected circumstance. I will begin saving for a car in 2009 so maybe I can have one by 2010 if my dad and the DMV sees fit.

In other news I have a new bestfriend. His name is Jesse. My last boyfriend claimed he was in love with me but I found out he was cheating. I am glad he is out of the picture because I really like Jesse. He has cerebral palsy and asthma so I enjoy the close parks since he has the handicapped placard (mine expired years ago). It is also just great dating someone with a disability. We have so much more in common. We went on our 2nd date on Saturday. He took me to a restaurant downtown, we walk in the park until we both got tired of walking, we went to the museum, and we got icecream, and seen a movie. The movie was Nights in Rodanthe and it made us both cry! We are going to hang out tomorrow for new years too. If I take pictures, I will share. Oh yeah and he bought me our favorite candy reeses and a charmbracelet for Christmas. I wrote a poem about my last bestfriend I'd like to share:

They say they'll have your back until the end

but can someone tell me the true definition of a bestfriend?

Is it someone you've known your whole life?

Or someone you love deeply like a husband or wife?

Is it someone you talk to everyday?

calls you when your sad and helps you pray?

Is it the one you text when you cant sleep?

you talk all day because you ignore the beeps.

Is it the one included in all of the moments you'll never forget?

the one who knows your mistakes, secrets, and biggest regret?

is it the one who you tell all your stories?

when hanging out with them do you forget all your worries?

well I thought I had a best friend forever.

but I guess I thought wrong since we're no longer together.

She was my help, my support, and backbone

always there when I felt alone.

Kept me alive when I felt like dying

made me laugh when I felt like crying.

but right now she is the cause of these tears.

who would of thought our friendship would end after almost 20 years.

I know it sounds crazy but I think I lost her because of love

I guess a better explanation would be lack there of.

love she gained for someone else, but lost for me

I fell from her top priority.

I guess she just got tired of me

our conversations didnt interest her anymore

she started ignoring me and avoiding my calls

things she never did before.

Just like my exes who broke my heart, she did the same things they did.

I thought we would be together forever, never grow apart

but eventually everything came to an end.

now thanks to her and them

I have this fear of growing close to anyone again

because the worst pain I ever felt in life is being heartbroken with no bestfriend

I finally spoke to her a couple of days ago on messenger for the first time since October. Basically she wants to be friends but she doesnt feel like we're bestfriends. I reminded her of the summer we just spent together when her boyfriend was not around and suddenly she remembered that we were bestfriends then. She just doesnt want to be bestfriends when her boyfriend is around or when she is at college with her other friends. but I think real bestfriends are bestfriends all the time. I dont know what has gotten into her but I am glad I have my new bestfriend (Jesse). Well I think that is all for now. Thanks for reading.