hi leah,

i know this has been a hard year for and i think it is great....a gift to yourself...... to go and talk to a professional. i know it really helped me, along with some anti depressants. do not be afraid to change doctors if the first one does not click...it took me two tries, but was worth the effort.

my hubby has never looked into what stroke is and how it changes the survivor. he also refused to do therapy. he 'knows" what stroke means cause he lives with it every day......... please do not beat yourself up....you are doing your very best and that is all you can expect. i have a feeling, like me, you want to be the "perfect" stroke survivor. well, there is no such thing...we try our best, but we are mere humans.

your hubby and mine are about the same age and i think talking about feelings is very difficult for men of their generation. it is sad cause now more than ever is the time to talk and share. taking charge of what you can work on....your feelings around your stroke is all you can do. take care of leah and jerry will have to figure his own way. hopefully, as you become increasingly comfortable with the new you he will too.

as far as the vacation....my hubby has always gone off on his own. in fact his one year sabbatical was spent overseas.....i stayed home and kept the home fires burning. you can take offense at his need to be alone or go along graciously and use the time for yourself. as long as you feel safe being by yourself, i say enjoy the time....write, think, spend quality time with yourself.

i know you hate long posts...so sorry.......i wish you the best 2009. you are a wonderful, strong woman and you are doing better than you realize! [/b :friends: ]kathy

Leah:

feel proud on yourself that you have come quite far in your recovery that Jerry is able to take that vacation alone without worrying about you. I pushed my hubby to go to his conference without us & it helped all of us. I realize I can handle our family alone, & I am sure it helped him to relax at the conference without us tagging along. I wish you happy, healthy & prosperous New year

Asha

And we thank you for putting up with all of us. Happy new year!

LOL, Fred, that's easy to do.

thank you Asha and Kathy for lending me support (Fred too!). Love you girls and guys

Leah,

Seeking professional help is your gift to yourself dear. May your 2009 be filled with everything you deserve and more. If hubby is taking a time-out vacation, perhaps you need to do the same.

Leah I could have wtitten your blogI really take all the negstivety very personal as if it is all my fault Communication would really hrlp - but God Forbid that might cut into TV time BTW I am 57 & Wayne will be 60 in May

Susan

Leah I could have wtitten your blogI really take all the negstivety very personal as if it is all my fault Communication would really hrlp - but God Forbid that might cut into TV time BTW I am 57 & Wayne will be 60 in May

Susan

Thanks for your comment Susan. I'm 65 and Jerry is 71. The TV is on any time that he is home (and not exactly tuned to what I would watch). I ignore it during the day and usually stay out of the family room. I must give him credit that when I'm eating breakfast he will mute it for me and go into the other room. Anyhoo, I have some hope for you....Jer and I had a great conversation last Sunday...like real communication. He and I both told each other things we had been keeping to ourselves (that without me crying!! ... I did that earlier in the day) and we haven't been to counseling! I want to grow emotionally to not take things so personal - maybe one day...it wasn't as bad before this stroke.

See you around. Leah :friends: