[color="#000000]I was thinking about this, if I state my thoughts on this site, some individuals feel they are being pushed "religion" ..... I don't feel I am as I am only sharing something that might have been sent to me and if I take the time to post it ... I do so in hopes it might help in some way. I never post it to cause a stir. But, I feel I will share such posts here in my BLOG. This is where I can share my innermost feelings. I feel it is my mission to share what I do because when I should not be still here, God saved me for a purpose.

I thought about this and this is my statement for each day now:

One day at a time is how I shall live my life, When in doubt, I shall look up and know there is HOPE, Believe in Miracles and SOAR

Since my Brain Stem Stroke, I have had a mixed bag of emotions. There has only been ONE person who has been there, who truly understands and who will never leave me nor foresake me, only ONE person who constantly loves me and only wants the best for me.

I have such a passion for life and I have only the best intentions for everyone.

My New Year's ended up with me being so sick. I had a fever of 102.3 and chills, I couldn't stop shaking, it was horrible. I felt so bad .... I thought I should call 911, however, when I had my last two strokes it was during this time of year and I just couldn't bring myself to calling 911. I knew it was bad when my hubby even said to call them. I was being pig headed. Now, after getting over the worst of it, I should have called them. I will not be so ignorant again. Anyway, my stomach was red as though it was sunburned and it hurt to the touch. I had tried to get in to see my Dr. however he was booked solid. I finally did get him to call me and we discussed my case over the phone in a conference call. He said you know what I want you to do and I told him I couldn't go to the hospital. I just don't have a good experience with them I asked him if he could call something in for me, he finally decided he would and so the medicine begins. He told me he would call something in if only I would promise him if I didn't seem better the next day I would go to the hospital. Well what he called in was a miracle drug and it started to turn my situation around. I know it was God who turned things around. I also realize if I had gone to the hospital maybe my suffering would not have been near as bad. I can't play around with my life like I had did. Come to find out I had an infection under my skin. My DR explained to Wayne and I .... I could have died. That statement stung in my mind. So, what have I learned from this? To listen to my Dr. He knows best and I did apologize to him. He helped me because he knew if he didn't I might not be here. He put himself on the line to help me. He is such a wonderful person. He is my friend, someone I can trust. He understands all about my Brain Stem Stroke disaster. He understands and gets the reason I have such a phobia about hospitals. If only the Dr in 2003 hadn't told me over and over again, in November 2003 YOU are only going in for an in and out procedure. a heart cath, only an in and out procedure, I go in November and don't come home until the end of March 2004. I lost my trust in the medical community. Well, this is 2009, I believe it is time I try to march onward and try to start believing again. My statement is BELIEVE IN MIRACLES AND SOAR..... well, I want to continue to SOAR... but that only will happen if I keep Believing.

I see growth because I can admit to myself I had made a wrong choice, I should have called 911. Besides, I have a voice now and I can be my own advocate. I need to give others a chance to provide for me when and if I have to go back into the hospital. So, I will do things differently next time. I need to face fear in the face and not give it the power to control me. I want only the best for myself. I have to nuture myself. I hope by being totally honest here in my Blog that maybe it might help others. It is not meant for others to judge me, but, hey if you have to judge me, then go right ahead, at least maybe my words might be affecting you because they are hitting home to you. That is all I have wanted to do in my life, help others. I have done volunteering all my life, it has been my mission, so maybe I can do that somehow in my Blog.

On another note, Patrick Swayze, is helping me by sharing his walk with Pancreatic Cancer. How far the medical community has come with that.... My precious Mom was diagnosed January 14, 1974 and died March 19,1974. Following his story has been very healing to me. I have been a fan of his forever n a day. I remember in Ghost when he had to leave Molly and he stated, Molly, it is so awesome, I am leaving with all the love, that is what life is .... loving those on earth and taking all that love when I go. My Mom loved me and nutured me and she is still loving me even now. I find whenever I get so sick now, I always cling to her. I miss her so much. It has been hard being out here on my own for 34 years. I know there is someone who has been there 24/7 and he carries me when I find it too hard to do it on my own. He puts special people in my path to go along life's paths with me. I am so greatful he led me here to Strokenet. The only thing I can do is me byself, what you see is what you get. I am what I am. I will not compromise my faith for anyone. I will not speak about it on the boards, but I will speak my thoughts about it in my Blog. My Blog is where I can share my innermost thoughts. I know this week on Oprah she had a whole day about Spirituality. It was very interesting. I know or I would think people had some thoughts about something higher in their being/their life to help them when life gets to troublesome for them. That would be such a sad thought if they had no one. I am blessed I have someone for me.

This New Year 2009, I have hope, there is something within that has been turned on and I look forward to each day.... as each day is a day I truly should not have had according to the medical profession in 2003.

Prayers go out to Nancy Farrell and her family on their daily journey .... May they feel peace, joy and happiness. along with Kevin, Amy's boyfriend, Prayers for continued healing to Fate's family, Cathy and Holly. I pray their financial burdens will get taken care of. May my fundraising experience help Cathy. I am blessed I have had this journey in my prestroke life and I can still use it now. Prayers for Allen, Let him feel healing and the power of prayers and positive energy from his StrokeNet family. Healing for Kimmie's Dad, Charles. Let a way become available so Kimmie can get to see her Dad and her Grandson, Baby Jake.

I know how many prayers I say in the course of a year and I see the answer to prayer in a BIG way. I think this world need to see what is truly important in life. People. That is the answer, our families and friends. I always hated the bumber sticker, he who has the most toys wins, what do they win? to me it is a shallow life. Oh, well, I respect others opinions. I can not judge others, that is only a job for God. I have also found in life when we don't like something someone is doing, is it a mirror reflection of something going on in our lives? Either now or in the past? hmmmmmm......

I have been doing an awful lot of thinking these days. My recovery..... I want more, I am keeping the HOPE alive, I am trying to stay in the here and now, not go off in the future, but sticking to the here and now. When I am off in the future, I am missing out on the here and now. Each day comes and I don't want to miss a single moment of it. It is a precious precious gift. I love life, Thank you God for another day..... how am I going to make good use of it? By staying in the here and now, By staying positive, I know when one is positive their immune system is up and endorfins work and they are more powerful than morphine. Isn't it amazing what a fine tuned body we are given? why do so many of us mess it up? It is my goal in 2009 to show mine more love and respect. My name is top of the list. I am taking care of me. Should have done it years ago. But, I was too busy working with my cancer and muscular dystrophy children. Well, it is never too late. I am in class 101 of taking care of Jan. I am even working on when to call 911 and when not to. I am taking my life one second at a time.

One day at a time time,

Sweet Jesus,

That is all I can ask of you, One day at a time....

Thank your for those seconds God.

I need to remember where I came from, from possible be in a vegetative state for the rest of my life to TODAY. I am getting 24 hours each day I awake, how am I going to use them? I choose to be happy, to be positive and to love life and experience each day ....

My best to all, take time to enjoy your twenty four hours.

Believe in Miracles and SOAR[/color]