Bart,

I read your blog daily and you're doing well. I see pain and hope and great intentions in your entries.Keep hanging in there! So far as you blog getting lost after two hours; here's what I do.. I create my daily entry as a WORD document and "save" it to my deskytop. I do periodic "saves" as I write it then when done I copy and paste it into the website.

Wesley H.

I dont remeber how to do that. I dont remember how to much.

Bart:

from the wondows open microsoft word document & start typing your blog entry in it, & periodically do ctrl-s for saving the file & save it, when you are done typing, copy that document by selecting words in the whole document & do ctrl-c(for copy) & then in this blog do ctrl-v(paste), you can do this operations from edit pull down menu too.

anyhow you are not a burden. you are just different now. I believe that since you are still here your job here on earth is still not done & you still matter in this world. you matter to your family,friends.

Asha

Bart,

I too enjoy reading your blogs. there are times when the system has blurp or hiccup as we're trying to post a blog.

What I suggest to members is to type their entry into their word processing - safe it - then copy and paste it into their entry - title it and click on add entry.

Good luck and hope all goes well.

I dont remeber how to do that. I dont remember how to much.

Bart, I am so sorry you feel so badly. I don't think you are a burden and I don't think your wife thinks that at all. If she does, sorry to say but you married the wrong girl, but like I said I am sure she doesn't think that. Have you told her how you feel, if not why not? She should have the chance to tell you herself how she feels. Bart, you seem a bit depressed, have you seen your doc about this? Are you taking anything for depression, if so maybe the meds need to be adjusted. Take care of yourself Bart and don't be so hard on yourself. You do have to get used to the new you. If you do things differently now it doesn't mean you are ready to be thrown away like garbage. What you lost to stroke, I guarantee is not all your wife saw in you. You have a lot of the old Bart in the new one. Please Bart, take care of yourself and get that depression taken care of. Hoping to see you in chat or on the board soon. I am sure others will tell you the same thing. Take care

mc

bart,

At one point my husband said to me do you think you could please stop telling me how I feel? It seems you are doing the same thing I did. You seem to be making assumptions about how your wife feels based on how badly you feel about yourself right now. You don't get what she can see in you right now, but maybe you need to give her credit for having just a little more depth. You also need to realize that there's a lot more to you than what's on the surface. You're a very warm, likable guy who I just sense if you weren't so depressed is pretty upbeat too. Even through the depression that comes through so it seems you have some very outstanding qualities to work with.

We love having you around and I'm very sure your wife and family does too. You just need to accept and start being a little happy about the fact that we're all willing to accept you as you are.

Maria :friends:

Bart I felt much like you. Not that the feelings were identical but if I could have put my feelings to paper instead of in sillence thinking how my darling husband and family must feel with being burdened by all this. Well.. I came close to ending my life in the depression. My daughter in law recognized it and I went in patient for about 3 days. I went on an anti depressant and its the best thing I ever did. One of my life friends told me he said Karen when you have had a stroke its not an if you get depressed its a WHEN you finally realize you are depressed call me. He had a stroke a few years ago. When they took him off the heart lung bypass machine. Stokes will change everything. I accept that now. Between you and me Once I accepted the stokes and hemmorages into the brain and that my family does love me. They are going through changes too. They are grieving as well but they really want to help me however they did not know what to say or do around me anymore. I was at the lowest point I think you can go. Some amazing things happend all arount the same time. My little grandaughter said I ub u grammama and when they quit feeling sorry for me and stood back I started to grow a little in my ability as well. I felt they all treated me like I was retarded not the survivor of the stokes. Today we all turned a corner and we are growing together. We are all the better for it and understanding I cannot grow if they always just do it for me. They push me to come more and more into their world and I am making progess sloe as it is. Two days ago I saw my little Kaylee (my grandaghter) I asked for help to get down to play with her. I played and played with her on the floor. She is walking and running now. She got up and she wanted me to get up and push her in her little V-Dub toy we got her. I could not get up . So sne said Up Gamma I dont know how I did it I got up and using the handle of her riding toy and my cane I pushed her all over the place!!!!! I used it sort of like a walker. We had a blast Would not have dreamed I could have done that and niether would of my family. Life can be so good we can lfind ourself lost in ldepression. It is amazing to live and fine myself totally surrounded in the love and innocence of a baby girl. I am praying you find that and talk to your family. The burden my family carried was they could not do it for me..... they could take care of my physical needs I am the only one who could speak about and take care of my needs to accept life changed and no it was not fair But it is sooooooooo way worth living. You hang in there and if you need anyone to listen we are all here and I bet they are wondering how to love you so you know how much they love and need you First I had to learn to love and accept myself the rest will fall into place. You have all of us here and we do know and we do understand. I know any one of us is only as far away as reaching out. Karen