EvRi1' Blog

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More to Come???


EvRi1

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I don't know anything about a blog, but want to write in hopes that others may learn from my experience! I've read that a blog is a day-to-day diary. That is not at all what I have in mind. I hope that what I'm doing is okay! I will continue posting occasionally until I am told to quit, get a lot of negative feedback, run out of things to say or am no longer able to say them. I don't want to offend anyone!!!

 

I tore my vertebral artery in 1994 and had a TIA. I never even knew it until on Easter Sunday; my brain became starved from oxygen. It was called a very severe base-of-the-brain stroke for lack of a better term. They never removed the blockage and I was told it doesn't matter. Dead is dead and the risk is too great that it may kill me. After recovering, the first words out of my mouth were, "Let me die" but no one could understand me anyway. Being at a relatively young age of 44 and being very healthy, I became very bitter, taking it out on others.

 

Sometime around June 2008 I was told by my eye doctor that I am going blind in my left eye due to lack of blood flow, but restoring the flow can kill me. I was told that my eye will turn white. (I guess I'll wear a patch)

 

In October 2008, I had a severe heart attack with 99.5% blockage and received three stints. (Since then there have been several times when I have gotten dizzy). Then a month later on Thanksgiving Day 2008 I just went down. I woke up with paramedics getting ready to take me away. I demanded that they leave me alone. However they insisted that I get up off the floor, make it to bed on my own and sign a waiver before they would leave.

 

Iin January 2009 while at the dentist, I was told a medical term that indicates I have something in my arteries on the same side as my injury. Then later in the spring of 2009, I broke my nose and almost bled to death when my heart stopped causing me to pass out and fall. As they say, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired".

 

I'm writing this now and taking each day as it comes because my future doesn't look very bright; instead of sunglasses I need a flashlight. I recently took a real age test and although my chronological age is 58, my real age was 72 and that was before my heart attack. I have to assume that my days are numbered.

 

By now you may be thinking, "Why is he doing this? Is he intentionally tying to depress me."? That isn't why at all. It's been 15 years since my stroke during which time I have gone through many changes. I am beginning to feel like an expert on the topic!

 

I've come a long way during which time I wasted many years in denial, depression and self-pity. I have never physically recovered, and now realize that I never will. I have learned to accept it. I have gone from rock bottom to the happiest years of my life. I always wanted to get well physically. What I never realized is that attitude is the key.

 

One of the first rules of psychology is, "Just because you know me today, it doesn't mean that you'll know me tomorrow". We are ever evolving creatures based on our personal life experiences. The Philosopher Earl Nightingale called it The Strangest Secret..."We become what we think about." And the great Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "A man is what he thinks about all day long."

 

It's so true, negative thinking produces negative results while all good things can and will come to him who thinks optimistically. Perhaps the most profound statement of all regarding the power of "Definitely Directed Thought" comes from the tongue of Jesus Himself, "All things are possible to him who believes" (Mark 9:23).

 

We need to accept the fact that we have experienced a major change, and there's nothing that we can do to change that. The sooner we accept it the better! Over time, I've learned to have a sense of humor, take every day one at a time, get right with my family and God, and to live every day as though it may be my last is about all that anyone can do.

 

Awhile back I was regressing into depression, antidepressants and alcohol. I was feeling sorry for myself and complained to Steve Mallory in an email. He wrote back, "How can you even say that? Look at

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Wow, this is a powerful blog and I have never experienced anything like you have so I have nothing to give you.

 

Ray has had five strokes, 1990, 1999(x2) those two retired us, me to look after him, 2001, 2005. He does have diabetes, peripheral neuropathy, vascular dementia, the list is endless. BUT we do enjoy each day and do a fair amount of what we like to do. Ray's wants in life are small and his greatest day is when he gets to sit on his verandah, do his word puzzles while I bring him food. Nothing like having someone who looks after you eh?

 

Blogs for me are part of how I relate to life and deal with what it throws at us. Venting, rejoicing or just sorting life out, blogging is good for you.

 

So welcome to the blogworld and long may you be around to open up your life to us.

 

Sue.

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hi Rick:

 

welcome to wonderful therupetic world of blogging. I suffered stroke at age 34 & I spent my first 2 years feeling sorry for myself and being depressed. but luckily having young family at home helped me come to the acceptance part quicker. I am glad when I understood why mot me part & let go off my selfpity. life is wonderful once again with way I am. though I am still searching for other things in my life & blogging about those things help me a lot.

 

Asha

 

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I read your blog and then reread it again slowly so I could absorb. You have written a powerful blog letting your inner self shine through. It is about life and truth in dealing with illness. I applaud you for blogging to help yourself and to help others.

 

Look forward to more of your posting. BTW, we are the same chronological age.

 

Stessie

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Rick,

 

Welcome to the world of blogging. Quite profound and insightful first entry. You spoke from the heart. I look forward to reading more of your entries.

 

Yes, we all at times need a kick in the pants to get us back on track.

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I'm judging from the comments that I receive to decide if I should "blog" again or not. I joined this stroke group back in June 2007 and tried this all then, but gave up shortly thereafter after because I am not very good at communicating, I type with one finger and get frustrated when I can't find the words to say what I mean.

 

I have been reading everyone else's comments on a somewhat regular basis but am leery of leaving comments of my own. Everything seems to come out wrong; I am a very happy person and want to share, but have trouble conveying that. I am also a very realistic person and sometimes hurt others at times without meaning to. I apologize, but by then it is too late.

 

If I should ever offend you, please believe me when I say, "It is not intentional".

 

Thank you for your input!

 

Rick

 

P. S. I also tend to ramble

 

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