No, this blog is not a confession, it is an observation. To illustrate a conclusion I have just come to about why we are often not getting the support we think we deserve. I am reminded of a proverb: "Old sins have long shadows".

In chat this morning the caregivers were talking about lack of family support and how one family member will often influence others in the family to keep them from supporting us. I am drawing a conclusion without much evidence here but bear with me. Before I went into chat I had a phone call from one friend talking about another who has once again fallen out with all her family members and is now saying how mean they all are. What she gets out of this beats me, but she seems to enjoy being the wronged party, the "poor thing" and sucks up a lot of attention that she would otherwise not get. I'm afraid I do the "dear me, you poor thing" less and less well these days. I know a lot of people have bigger problems and are expereincing real sorrow and I know from reading here how much REAL pain there is in the world.

If we want to know why something is happening we often have to look at the past in the light of what we know now and somewhere back there will be the reason for what is happening now. The shining memories of good deeds, the shadows of bad. And sometimes, without wondering why, we are still influenced by some mis-deed that makes us think we are picked-on, less well-thought of than others, or in my case often thought little of. It usually has to do with something unresolved in our past. You think you are free of this? Think again.

For a period of my life I called myself Sue Who? This came about because I worked in a place with a few Sues and something I had done got credited to another Sue, resulting in some embarrassment when she got an award she had not earned. Eventually it all got straightened out but the award ceremony was not repeated, in fact I never saw a certificate with my name on it. I guess it was not something others wanted to remember. Strangely from that incident I concluded that my work was not worth recognizing. Silly I know now, but that is the way it seemed at the time.

Ray is not supported by his family. I know in a way this is because one family member once received a lot of support and immediately the crisis was over moved quickly interstate and started a new life. There was never a thank you or an expression of gratitude for what others had done. I think in some way this led the other family members to conclude that helping someone was not worth while. And so they each live like lone satellites floating in space, each family unit unconnected to the others, each concerned only with the welfare of their own descendants.

My family taught me to help others, to be a strong person, to look after family members but also friends and neighbours too. This in a way was because we were a migrant family and needed to give and receive support among people who were not blood kin. And so I ran messages in my neighborhood, Mum gave the men haircuts in exchange for eggs or vegetables, Dad lent a neighbor a hand erecting the frame on a house and the man and his friends in their turn helped Dad etc. Not only were we neighbors but often much more than that, we became friends.

Helping others without thinking of a reward is not completely selfless. I have got a lot out of life by being community minded and belonging to church groups and other organizations that I could see made a difference in people's lives. And I knew those letters of thanks we received were down to the collective effort of people like me - people who want to make a difference. I know we get called "do gooders" and other less flattering names but in a crisis it is to such organizations that we all go to get help.

Here on Strokenet we extend the hand of friendship, share our experiences and give support to strangers who sometimes, somewhere through the process, become friends. We start out ourselves feeling friendless and unsupported, we find new strength through the support others show us, then we in turn go on to give support and strength to others. I know that in not what happens in every case but it is the ideal.

I saw an obituary in the paper today, of a man we once called a friend and was reminded of a family scandal in that family that had scattered the family members. Each child's family remained unaware of their relationship, unable to be the caring cousins and kin they should have been. In reading further sadly the "donations to the cancer research foundation" told the ending to that story. I wish at some stage they could have forgotten past hurts and got back together. Maybe now the ones that remain will do that.

We don't live in a perfect world, we are not perfect people but surely, in a tough situation, we can put some of our silly little differences aside and support each other?