• entries
    38
  • comments
    197
  • views
    11,210

FINDING THE MIDDLE GROUND


ksaul

1,064 views

i am begining to think, at least for me, there is some sort of cycle involved with my stroke and my physical well being. maybe i am way off here......i don't know. i have always been a focused person and enjoyed exercise and creative activity. i did rehab with 100% plus of myself, and i want to do as much as possible to live my life to the fullest. i also know the old kathy is long gone and i am a bit more delicate LOL these days. i know if i go to my water exercise class i can only do half the class and that is it for the day......in turn, if i go to drawing class or to the doctor or out to dinner i know i must make these things my only activity for the day and i will plan a day of rest for after. so i feel i am being very concious of my limited stamina. what i have found happening is i still get...out of the blue...exhausted. i still have nerve pain that haunts me daily along with muscle spasms that gets to me now and again but i try to keep a positive outlook. i have many joys in my life...my pets, my outside birds, friends, grandson, art etc. yet i still get down and have crying bouts.

 

i know it is all stroke related and that helps.....but the middle ground i need to find in living my life fully seems elusive at best. i want and need to do the things i do..... and i try to do them senseibly. my sister suggested i consider keeping a journal of how i am feeling each day and my activities. does anyone else do this? does it help in warding off the exhaustion or blues? or even help you know you may be in for a down time?

 

maybe there is no answer and it is just another part of the stroke demon i need to deal with........thanks, :lol: kathy

6 Comments


Recommended Comments

Hi Kathy: Are you sure I didn't write your blog for you !!~ LOL I am feeling exactly the same way. I am in the process of do a new entry to my blog which will parallel yours. I get so frustrated that I cannot do more (facing the fact that ONE event a day is enough for me is just not sinking into my pea brain). So tomorrow I have my pool class and that is it, altho' I want to have blood drawn before the class - shouldn't be too much I think!!.

 

I think of you a lot. I honestly think the answer to our problems is ...giving time the time needed to adjust to our new self. My husband says it plainly. I was one person for 63 years and then when things went BOOM I cannot expect to change everything overnight. Hugs, Leah :friends:

Link to comment

Kathy

I understand your blog. I watch our nearly seven month old grandson each Tuesday and Thursday from 7:30 am until 6 pm. I do go to my daughter's house as she just lives several miles away and that way he doesn't need to go out everyday. I thoroughly enjoy caring for him and it brings joy to me. However, when I get home I just crash and it usually takes the next day for me to catch up. I was Director of Trade Shows/Meetings/Special Events for many, many years so you know that at one time I had a high energy level. Several of our friends ask us to join them for dinner on Thursday once or twice a month but I am too exhausted to do so.

 

The fatigue associated with stroke is real. This is one thing exercise and even a good attitude cannot undo.

Link to comment
Kathy

I understand your blog. I watch our nearly seven month old grandson each Tuesday and Thursday from 7:30 am until 6 pm. I do go to my daughter's house as she just lives several miles away and that way he doesn't need to go out everyday. I thoroughly enjoy caring for him and it brings joy to me. However, when I get home I just crash and it usually takes the next day for me to catch up. I was Director of Trade Shows/Meetings/Special Events for many, many years so you know that at one time I had a high energy level. Several of our friends ask us to join them for dinner on Thursday once or twice a month but I am too exhausted to do so.

 

The fatigue associated with stroke is real. This is one thing exercise and even a good attitude cannot undo.

 

stessie, such words of wisdom regarding fatigue and stroke.....i need to remember this! thanks, kathy

Link to comment

Kathy,

 

For the first time in 4 years, I was out the other day at my cousin's home and I did not return home totally pooped out. I had hesitated on going due to the weather and parenting "issues" but she had so counted on me being there I went. I thoroughly enjoyed myself with her and her family including 8 month old granddaughter, 2 dogs and 4 cats. I even remembered the furbabies names LOL.

 

Could I do that everyday? Probably not - the old me could have - but the old Donna is in the past - the "new" me is here in the present and future. One day at a time is a good way to look at it as in AA. We're all in recovery in our lives from something or other.

Link to comment

Kathy:

 

only advice I have for wise lady like you, is start being kind to yourself & start appreciating things you are able to do. things you are sweating that you did not finish r they that important?.

 

pace yourself & do only thing which is utmost important to you.

 

Asha

 

Link to comment

My Pollyanna friend,,

What makes it a bit more difficult is that we Pollys always believe the sun will come out tomorrow. Unfortunately Miss Scarlett we find with stroke that although tomorrow is another day, we may have to worry about it a bit because this is something a bright smile and positive attitude just doesn't cut it for. But we keep smiling and believing that somehow it is. While eternal optimism sounds like a good thing from the outside and certainly was prestroke. Now it's horrible.

We almost keep believing that somehow magically it will all go away and it will all be okay again, not intellectually, but in our Pollyanna view of reality. Then when we are faced with the reality of the fact that our optimism just isn't enough for us to find a way to pull us through, we feel beaten down and defeated. That's when through the tears Polly says I don't think so I can't worry about this today! I'll worry about it tomorrow! Armed with that we find a new plan with which we are determined that our spirit is stronger than anything we've encountered before so this too we will overcome. So the cycles continues.

This didn't kill your spirit my little fellow Polly. It just redefined the parameters of it. For now you're going to be optimistic and spirited not about being the old Kathy, but about planning a day or activities that are within reasonable limits for you now, so you can be optimistic about achieving them. You know what might find? You will have a good day, not be disappointed and cry. You will very likely to feel Pollyish enough to plan another and another, but take it slow so you don't burn yourself out reinventing Polly. It's like a diet where you need to plan your meals. You'd be best off to plan here to keep yourself in check. Socks are inconsequential in this. They make us happy either way.

I love you

Maria :mwah: :hug:

Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.