I have been making several mistakes where typing/spelling/grammar/language are concerned, at the office. Not real happy about that, but determined to try harder. I don't want people to think that because I had a stroke, I can't properly do my job any more. I know there are a few who already believe that and would like nothing more than for me to prove them right. Once can't work at the same company for 13 years (as of today, in fact!), forge a career for oneself, and others not be less than supportive of that. There will always be some one who thinks that theirs should have been what mine is.

Fortunately, the people with the ability to make calls concerning employment are very understanding people. They are giving me plenty of time to make my mistakes, learn what I need to do to avoid them, and succeed, as is my typical way of learning. But there is still some concern.

For my part, one thing I have talked to Dr. Mike about is the fact that vision seems to go blurry or doubles in my right eye, if I am reading/typing/coding for more than about 90 minutes. If I try to press through that, letters/numbers/other characters stop having any meaning to me at all. I simply can't read....period.

Well, the not being able to read thing is "all in my head," litterally. It is a problem of left-sided stroke and happens when my brain gets tired. It may go away over time, it may not. The best thing I can do is use losing the ability to read as my brain trying to tell me that it needs a break, and take one. The vision is something a little different.

Dr. Mike is referring me to a neuro-opthamologist. He will be able to tell where the deficit is, why it is and help me learn to compensate, or prescribe treatment. Dr. Mike says that the damage is done. We can't reverse it, but we can manage it and try to prevent it from getting worse. Hmmm, where have I heard that before?

Well, yesterday, I put myself "to bed" early, meaning I went to my room, shut the door, locking out all of the cats, turned on what I wanted to listen to on tv and climbed into bed with a sketchbook and a set of pencils. I wanted "to be alone now."

Automatic drawing, the situation where you don't "try" to draw anything, just put pen to paper and let whatever is going to come out of your hand, has always been the way I overcome blocks and spark creativity/imagimation. It's a pretty successful way. Last night, a few lins and swirls down on the page, and I stoped to look at what was there. I decided I didn't want to try to make a "picture" out of it, but use it more as a study in shading technique, so I started putting in shadows and highlights, just letting it become an abstract image of shadow and light. It felt good. I worked on it for about an hour or so, until I noticed the double vision thing again, then stoped for the evening.

There was a time, after my grandfather died, that I did not do any artwork for a year. Then, when I started working as a graphic artist, I went 2 years without ever doing anything artistic just for the pleasure of doing it. I don't want to let a whole lot of time go by before I start to create again, this time. I want.....no, I need to know that I can still be an artist. It's a little part of who the old me was that I want to hold onto in the new me.