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pushing and prodding on a daily basis...



I am the pushing prodding part of the relationship.. I don't know if the stroke eliminated the sense of urgency for continual work or if William just does not have the drive to keep working as hard as I want him to. I push and insist that he works at recovery. I am told by everybody that william would not be where he is today unless I had pushed him as hard as I have. I must say that William will work with me most times. Sometimes he gets cranky and I get angry. I talk to him and explain to him that this is necessary for his recovery. He will give in and work with me. I tell him that the water therapy is excellent therapy...it helps him to sleep and makes him feel good. I work him arm and legs and his endurance.


I have explained to him that he needs to be good and not cranky during our work outs. This makes our time in therapy very long and arduous. We have been doing this for along time and I do not see an end to it. I mean I hope that at some point in time...I will not have to help so much. I hope to have more free time.


Lucky for William I enjoy the pool and love to swim.


I wonder if the tables were turned and I had a stroke. Would i not be able to push myself? Who knows?


Since I am able to be the motivator...I will continue to do that ugly job. Unfortunately, William does not always appreciate my initiative. After i give him a tongue lashing about his bad behavior and lack of appreciation...he says that he is sorry and will try harder not to get so cranky. i really do understand...It would be horrible to have somebody prodding you into the pool at all hours of the day. 6AM???


I do hope that all stroke survivors get the attention and extra help that Gabby Giffords gets. I was told that the newspaper had an article stating that they hope to expand the care that Gabby got to other patients. I do hope so. but with all of the cost containment programs in place. i doubt it.




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Ruth, I, like you, do not see any help financially, for stroke recovery in the near future. So, as caregivers, we do the best we can with what we can afford.


I do not get the cranky, I just get a flat out no. Then let the negotiations begin-lol. We do what we feel is best and we see the progress and just keep on truckin'. Debbie

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Maybe teh stroke took the drive out of him. Maybe he just has had a harder time accepting that this is what he needs to do. Or, maybe it is I who have not accepted that "this is what it is."


I push myself. But I've always been the typical type A, driven personality. I will say, the stroke took some of that out of me too. There are times when I just don't feel like pushing for something.


But then, my answer to the "you have to keep active to continue to progress" was Monster. He keeps me motivated. He needs to be walked, exercised, taken outside, loved, trained, groomed, fed, the list continues. Since he is my service dog, I accepted the responcibility of doing most of the care for him. It has made me feel needed again, which has made it much easier for me to keeping doing the things Monster needs me to do for him.


Maybe William feels like his is no longer vital, no longer meeded and no longer in control of anything. That was the hardest thing for me, the feeling that so much of life had been taken away from me. It must be worse for William, since he is much less mobile than I am.


It's something to think about. Maybe he needs a project to keep him motivated to keep working at it.


I hope that insight can help you both.

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hi Ruth:


Lydia has a point there , Since I never had lack of motivation issue, maybe because I had young family who depended on me to do more for myself & our family. Though I sat at the sidelines sitting & crying for a year and then realized how it impacted my young son, I decided to work harder in getting my independence back. I sometimes feel I had to fight hubby & doctors who said I should not be doing some things, which I never listened, I guess being stubborn helped me in my recovery & enjoying my new normal. I guess William needs to see what will be his benefits if he worked harder in his recovery. maybe able to drive one day if he is mobile &independent enough, he can achieve that goal.I am sure given that carrot he will work harder to be more independent.




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You are doing all you can and he appreciates your concerns I'm sure. My wife is the same way about me getting better. She knows I came from a long, long way and was happy she had the chance to go back to work.


A job she loves very much, supervisor of the teller line at the drive up part of the bank. I think she will be there until she's too old to see numbers or count small coins and dollars! :big_grin: :rolleyes: JMO!

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Dear Ruth,

Keep up the good work. William will be told often by many that he needs to be very grateful to you for sticking to the routine and not giving up. I sure agree with you about Gabby's care and I wish we all had access to the rehab and steps that are being taken for her recovery. We have been blessed with figuring it out as best we can and like you, pushing and prodding our way through. I'm a pusher too, Bernie hates it but she's doing well and improving and that's what counts right now. William is improving because of your active roll in his recovery, as long as he recognizes and acknowledges that fact it's a little easier to accept. Although I'm with you on the me time and I hope you find a break once in a while. Mike



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Ruth, I agree with all the comments you received. Now, speaking from being a survivor and not totally finished with rehab myself, then being the caregiver.

Carl really didn't encourage me in my rehab until he stroked.

Now he understands what I was battling. Emotions, rehab, incontinence s, Pt, OT. But Carl did stay by my side threw it all.

Carl ended up with Aphasia as his deficit. He needs lots of encouragement. Carl was the talker in our family before. I was the listener and had to turn into the talker. (I don't like it to this day).

I encourage Carl to start conversations were ever we go. He rather I do the talking but, I stay out of it. I too have to get Carl to go to the Y and do water aerobatics classes. Carl too gets grouchy. Carl is able to drive and usually goes grocery shopping his self. Carl always did the cooking in the house and still does, with is sharing the preparation. So Carl has self worth.

I on the other hand, was not able to get out by myself for two years after my stroke. I ended up with depth perception, their for I only drive around town. I lastly have the feeling of Independence now.

Ruth did William have any hobbies pre-stroke? Using physiology with William, suggest in a round about way.

Ruth the dog gig was and is such a good idea. Maybe that will be Williams more independent time. Kudos to William. remembertolaugh, Jeanniebean


But in the end all is forgiven.

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