Life has calmed down considerably.
Dan is in an excellent facility this time. He gets OT, PT, and ST every day. He wasn't able to sit on the edge of the bed when he got there and yesterday he sat on the edge of the bed for 30 minutes without anyone propping him up. Yea rah!! He can't hold his head up anymore so they spend a lot of time stretching his neck and his back. Of course, he complains constantly. The first week I had to leave the therapy room because I just couldn't take his complaining. I could hear him at the front of the building yelling that his back hurt. I just kept on walking. It's so hard hearing him because I know he's in a lot of pain. I think (hope) that we finally have his pain under control via meds.
He hates rehab, but that's not new. I've told him that he needs to get stronger in order to come home. I can't bring him home if he can't help me with transfers. I'm old, tired, and my body aches everywhere. On the other hand, if he doesn't continue to improve in rehab Medicare will stop paying. A rehab room is $300 a day, a long term room is $200 a day. For $200 a day I could bring him home and have someone come in for 10 hours a day to help me take care of him.
He's stopped eating again, says he's not hungry. I take food that he likes and he nibbles then says he's full. Now he's got a UTI. He got Rocephrin injections for 5 days but it hasn't helped. They ran more blood tests today. Bless his heart, it's just one thing after another. My heart hurts for him.
As for me, I've finally started to relax. I've gotten a lot done around the house the last two weeks. I've spent some lovely time on the back porch reading the paper, drinking coffee, just relaxing and enjoying our new house. As much as I miss Dan and as much as I want him to come home, I'm still really enjoying the time alone. No TV on 24/7, no waking up in the middle of the night to get him something to drink or a pain pill, no complaining, well, you get the idea. Plus, I'm getting a massage this week. A very small part of me feels guilty because I'm enjoying myself. It seems that the guilt gets smaller every day.
I recently read a quote by a Philosopher named Charles Taliaferro. "Love is at its best when it longs for the good of the beloved...you may be in a position where you have done all you can for the good of your beloved." This quote has given me much peace and allowed me to realize that, for now, I've done all that I can for my beloved Dan. It's up to him to participate in rehab and to continue to get stronger.