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Better Days



Life has calmed down considerably.


Dan is in an excellent facility this time. He gets OT, PT, and ST every day. He wasn't able to sit on the edge of the bed when he got there and yesterday he sat on the edge of the bed for 30 minutes without anyone propping him up. Yea rah!! He can't hold his head up anymore so they spend a lot of time stretching his neck and his back. Of course, he complains constantly. The first week I had to leave the therapy room because I just couldn't take his complaining. I could hear him at the front of the building yelling that his back hurt. I just kept on walking. It's so hard hearing him because I know he's in a lot of pain. I think (hope) that we finally have his pain under control via meds.


He hates rehab, but that's not new. I've told him that he needs to get stronger in order to come home. I can't bring him home if he can't help me with transfers. I'm old, tired, and my body aches everywhere. On the other hand, if he doesn't continue to improve in rehab Medicare will stop paying. A rehab room is $300 a day, a long term room is $200 a day. For $200 a day I could bring him home and have someone come in for 10 hours a day to help me take care of him.


He's stopped eating again, says he's not hungry. I take food that he likes and he nibbles then says he's full. Now he's got a UTI. He got Rocephrin injections for 5 days but it hasn't helped. They ran more blood tests today. Bless his heart, it's just one thing after another. My heart hurts for him.


As for me, I've finally started to relax. I've gotten a lot done around the house the last two weeks. I've spent some lovely time on the back porch reading the paper, drinking coffee, just relaxing and enjoying our new house. As much as I miss Dan and as much as I want him to come home, I'm still really enjoying the time alone. No TV on 24/7, no waking up in the middle of the night to get him something to drink or a pain pill, no complaining, well, you get the idea. Plus, I'm getting a massage this week. A very small part of me feels guilty because I'm enjoying myself. It seems that the guilt gets smaller every day.


I recently read a quote by a Philosopher named Charles Taliaferro. "Love is at its best when it longs for the good of the beloved...you may be in a position where you have done all you can for the good of your beloved." This quote has given me much peace and allowed me to realize that, for now, I've done all that I can for my beloved Dan. It's up to him to participate in rehab and to continue to get stronger.


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I soooo agree. We can do so much but unless our survivor participates in the therapy etc there is nothing more we can do. Like you I want Ray at home with me not in a nursing home but he knows that unless he can walk that is not negotiable.


When he is in respite (his holiday) I sit in the sun, read a paper, go for a walk, or spend a few days at my Daughter's place (my holiday).


No guilt MaryJo, you worked hard on his recovery, now take it easier until he is back home with you or settled in his future care home.


(((Hugs))) from Sue.

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I agree with you, though your love for him will make him work hard towards his recovery. I know I did.




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Mary Jo, that's good news and I applaud the new facility personnel for trying and getting him to exercise. I always say, it's the people at the facility that are trained enough to care for patients no matter their conditions.


Every patient will not be talkative like me but the personnel has to understand this and still do what they have to do in getting the person to cooperate with them daily. I know it was some on certain shifts at the hospital rehab I didn't get along with from day one!


I suppose there will always be dislikes in certain patients with the providers caring for them that day! We'll pray it all works out for Dan and he gets stronger everyday.

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I hope things get better. As for not eating you might want to check the side effects of all his medications. I was on one medication that had a side effect in a small portion of the population has an appetite suppressant. Once they got me off that medication and on to something different my appetite came back. Don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself you're no good to him if you get sick. You need to take time out for yourself every week or the stress will get to you. Take care


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Hi Mary Jo. I'm happy to hear you have Dan in rehab where he can recover and get stronger. You need to take care of yourself and getting a massage, relaxing anyway you can will help you. I wish I had done this more when Larry was an inpatient. When he came home, I was overwhelmed with all I had to do. I hope you have some help when he does come home.


Take care,


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Mary Jo,

I am happy to hear that Dan is in a nice place. I hope that get the rest and recuperation that you so need. that is a wonderful quote.


You have done alot. Everybody hates rehab. That is the nature of the beast.





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MaryJo: you get a few weeks off, in trade for the rest of your life. Dan would certainly agree with that. But I am so happy you found a Rehab that is working well and aggressively with him. Take your me time and he seems to be making great strides. Best, Debbie

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