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Lion and the sheep



it has been a while since I've been in here but I feel the need to ask for help. I have been having some emotional problems. I need therapy but with the lack of transportation,, well you get the drift. I am becoming so sensitive to people and tones of voices. My brother-in-law and I have always bumped heads. It started with the birth of my youngest son. We got married just a month before we gave birth. My health insurance still had my maiden name on it so when I had my son and was just waking up from my c-section, he came storming into the room because he saw 'Baby Garrison' and not 'Baby Smith' There wasn't enough time for me to get on the insurance yet. "My brothers last name isn't good enough for you?" was basically what he was shouting. I was strong minded and strong willed and not afraid to stand up for my rights but then I hadn't even seen my son for he was still in PICU for I was very sick during my pregnancy as well as having emergency surgery. I had to call my husband to come from work to the hospital. ( I was in there for a few days) So he came up and I didn't bring it up again. Fast forward to a few days ago.. his attitude has always been a problem with me and he and I always but heads though we both love each other. After my stroke, people can see a change in my personality though I can't. I'm calmer and more sensitive. I agreed to watch my niece and nephew for the summer and would get paid each week for a favor of transportation to New York. I got my butt handed to me because I was the reason that we are in debt. For the past 5 years, I've caused our family to spiral down. Not the fact that my husband hasn't worked due to Union Lay offs or the fact I had a stroke and can't work now, I had to get up from the table and break down and cry, He has seen me break down and doesn't even acknowledge the fact he got me upset and my husband, his brother, doesn't really see anything wrong for that's him and he's always been that way... blah blah blah I have decided not to go over to the parents house anymore for Sunday night dinners for I don't want to fight. My husband told him not to talk to me but that is just as ignorant as if he was yelling at me. I have to pick and chose my battles and I have enough going on for my plate. Am I wrong for not going? I just feel that like others have said, I've gotten on the roller coaster of emotions and normally I'm ok.?!?!?!?!Ask.gif


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Give yourself a break or call it a vacation. You must let your in-laws know, however, that none of this has to do with them. You need some precious time alone and unfettered.


You might want to remind your brother-in-law that you did not CHOSE to have a stroke. Nor did you chose to have the deficits that stroke brings. While you have been dealing with this for years, you are now the "new" you; more sensitive and less able to compete. Don't put yourself into a situation when you know from the git-go that you are going to end up in tears and upset. Not healthy for you, you are still recovering and trying to find your way.


Obviously your brother-in-law is not willing to help or even leave you alone to figure it out yourself. I am truely sorry your husband and his family are not more supportive. Sounds like brother-in-law rules the roost and there is nothing you can do about family dynamics.

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you should do what is best for you & I think not going there is the right thing to do why aggravate your health. you already have lot in your plate & you don't want this additional emotional stress in your life at this point in your life.



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Kelli ,, you need kelli time,, and if family dont understand how you feel or what your going thou thats on them , you need to take care of you , nd your baby ... You didnt ask for a stroke no one does,,,my mom forgets or doesnt want to knowledge that i had a stroke a year ago... I have a 2 1/2 yr old son ,, ..And my wife is still trying to understand or be ok with my issues with whats on my plate..... Dont worry about what your in laws say or think ,, no one understand what it is like to have a stoke unless you had one your self ,,, .. take care of your self oyu need to talk im here....



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Hi Kelli,

I've found that I've had to set new boundaries with some people post stroke. I can't tolerate stress or conflict as I was able to do prestroke. My husband needs to leave his work anger at work, my daughter has to solve some of her problems before she tells me about them and a childhood friend that I have a history of arguing with, has been put on ignore through email and facebook after warning him to stop shoving political and religious issues at me. I'm not up to the arguments now. I'm not up to difficult people and if those people aren't sensitive enough to stop their behavior that causes me distress, then it's up to me to take actions that are compatible with my needs and recovery. I should have been more this way before the stroke... :)

i hope you find a comfortable decision for yourself.


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I've always lived by the rule to not argue with ignoramuses. Just based on their behavior I knew it couldn't be just me and odds were those around were likely victims of the same nonsense too. Putting myself through the humility of defending myself the bully to those who likely knew just didn't make sense.


Don't think for a second his family doesn't know EXACTLY what he is like or that this is the first time he has done this. They know he's the bully and power monger of the crowd so it's pretty unlikely anyone is going to make themselves a target by coming to your defense.


Your family consists of you, your husband and your son. Who really cares what the dynamics are of your in laws family with their children? That was their kids sibling rivalry. Your strong prestroke personality may have just been a threat to it.


Try to keep in mind there's really nothing to win. The best way to combat someone who tries to play with your emotions is with apathy; they can't mess with you if you just don't care.


Love you,




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I had a bad experience on Easter Sunday when I took Monster to church. We didn't stay for service and I haven't been to services since then because I'm still too emotional to deal with it.


IT's just the way things are for us.


Let yourself have time for it to sting less, then when you feel like you can handle having a talk with your brother-in-law, use one of the Sunday family dinners, and your mother or father-in-law as a mediator, to put everything on the table with him. If that doesn't work, then consider no longer attending the dinners.


You don't deserve to be baited by anyone like that, no matter what.


Love you,


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Hi Kelli,

My first inclination was to just say, yup stay away. He sounds like a not very niceperson though I know I'm only getting your side... Still, it seems like a pretty jerky thing for him to do I know people can't begin to understand all the changes a stroke survivor has to deal with but still most people seem rto be able to mudster more compassion than this dude. As I read the posts. I was like." yes, just stay away. Who needs more drama when waking up and getting through the day is enough drama for us already but then I read Lydia's response and although I also gree with Merichsens comment I think Lydia is right it's worth a shot and if he's still unble to be nice then bounce. Don't stress yourself, Our emitoions are much more tangled, confused and intemse after stroke and you don't need his negaytive energy. You can and may have to be the bigger person nd try to work it out but if he still behaves hurtfully, du,p him and up him fast _{ Sorry its a quote from amovie I like... } Sonny said that to C in the movie A Bronx Tale... I may watch too much tv LOL Good luck and cry here with us wheneer you ned to but the adult thing to do is what Lydia suggested although the kid in me wants to kick him in the shins on your behlf but that's probably not the most appropriate course of actiion :o) Best, take care

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Kellie, You do what is best for you. Other family members and friends are expressing them selves to you cause when they look at you they see them self. that scares them and you are hearing their fear for themselves.If you ask them the question If they know what they are mad at.(that you are receiving ). Your never upset for the reason you think. Kellie it's not you, don't take any of their verbal abuse you are not warranted it.

A mantra for you to repeat>


This will bring your mind back to peace. Jeanniebean :cocktail:

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A mantra for you to repeat>


This will bring your mind back to peace. Jeanniebean cocktail.gif


I love it and thank youpash.gif

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