Time has passed well slowly or is it rather quickly...hmm times are confusing these days. I suppose that question depends on the day. It's not hard to recognize that the world is a bit out of kilter this year and I hope going forward we as people take the best we can from it. Finding peace has never started out being calm most times. Change is hard but it is a good teacher or reminder. I suppose as for me, I am oddly calm inside...watching the world around me in a kind of slow motion...observing. A weird way to think about it but I am content to stay close to my inner peace (for sanity's sake lol). I suppose I am grateful that today I am in a more realistic mind frame than I used to be. I realize there are so many things I am not in control of and choose to not let them weigh heavy on my soul. I'm not afraid of dying (even that sounds weird to myself). Also, my heart loves people (of every race, culture,etc., etc.)...all people though I am absolutely a hermit haha (I just feel better alone, inside, with my Kitty and new baby kitty Bella). Outside is too...too much for my brain and it's now outside of my comfort zone. How ironic, I was the absolute social butterfly before stroke and now I am 100% the opposite. I'm ok with me though. Probably much better with myself than others are with me. It's my goal and my Neurologist's and Psychiatrist's orders (remove all that stresses you for your health). I have found out that people stress me more than most anything so what is the answer make my home a haven. 🙂 for me!
So, I have been quite relaxed during lockdown moments. It's my jam!!!! I've kept myself busy crafting and continuing my painting, focusing on keeping my bird feeders full so I have happy birds in my back yard, spoiling my fur babies, catching up on some Netflix, trying to learn new tricks to help my sleep normalize (not always successful), and planning a bunch of fall DIY's. These are things that make me feel good inside. Still pressing forward, trying new things, practicing things I already know, trying my best at increasing the good feels. I'm winning more than losing these days and I'll take it! I'm not too hard on myself and allow mistakes. If I fall off I just get back on that pony and keep on riding. I try to ignore those who judge ignorently (ok without knowledge) me and what I do or don't do. I'm getting pretty darn good at knowing my normal and I am good with myself. I know how much I do and how much effort I put into my everything and if someone doesn't understand that well it's their issue (they probably worry about it more than I ever do so I'm glad I'm not them). Well that was the long way of saying...I like me and in all truth that is the most imortant thing for me and hopefully for each person to like themselves. Ok...off my podium now lol.
It has been a hot, humid August so far. Ick the air is thick!!!! Thank you Lord for my trusty A/C! 🙏 I think most of the chilfdren in my area are going back to physical school. I sure hope so because even though I thought summer break could not get here quick enough I looked forward to starting a fresh new year each year. I'm so glad I had that without fail and I bet in the long run most kids will agree. I have already started my fall DIY's and changed some summer decor to fall...getting ahead of the curve. I look forward to fall leaves, cool wind, sweater weather (not cold!), pumkins, mums, and all the coziness of fall. If it were up to me it would be spring and fall all year with no humidity and no temperatures below 45ish lol. Nature does what she wants though and I find myself lucky to get a taste of all 4 seasons.
I am starting on a new part of my journey soon in two ways. First I'm having varicose vein therapy so I am excited for more comfort and well prettier legs. I'm not vain but it's been a while lol. Also, I decided to go to a weight loss surgery consultation. This is a big step for me. I find that I can't get moving enough to lose weight and it is creeping up slowly oz. by oz. Since they never figured out why I had my stroke, I have to think about all the factors I can change to help reduce reoccurance. Weight has been my foe though I have conquered most other risks. My Neurologist suggested last year that I think about it and I quickly said "absolutely no". I feel ready...ready to embrace change and face my fears and believe that I can accomplish it. So, fingers crossed I go the 2nd of September to my consult to truly explore all my options. I am hoping a few of you will cheer me on haha. I will keep you posted! Before I end I just want to say thank you to all who have been such wonderful friends and support here and for those who pay it forward to others. I'm not going anywhere I just wanted to say what I feel. I am a better me with you!
Stay safe, wash your hands with soap and water, and wear a mask for the safety of others!