since my last blog.
I am writing this with mixed emotions now.
All that comes to mind is; I tried, I really did. My 42 birthday was in March and I realized all the things I have been missing out on. I can't do this anymore. I need to start thinking about ME for a change.
I see all our family and friends doing whatever they want whenever they want. I want that. I want to be able to sleep in one morning. To be able to come and go as I please. To just be me. I haven't seen me in a long time.
Am I weak? Am I a quitter? Am I just being selfish? I still am dealing with the guilt of my current decision. I always will. I know what it means. I know the consequences.
I guess basically what I am saying is I want out. Now I am another statistic. My family and close friends I have discussed it with totally understand, even our kids. Why is that? Some don't though. How could you say that unless you have walked a 100 miles in my shoes? Spend one day doing what I do, and your mind will change.
I haven't discussed it with Lisa or her parents yet. Soon. Very soon. It will be hard. I hope that I can get some understanding. If the roles were reversed, it would have already happened.
I don't know if I will blog again. This site and all of you have helped me through some of the darkest times in my life and I thank all of you. I hope to hear from you again.