Stroke Survivor - female
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Everything posted by Justice9

  1. Happy Anniversary Justice9!

  2. Happy Anniversary Justice9!

  3. Justice9

    Entry #1

    I just now realized that I had even written this blog! I totally forgot. Thank you for the comments. I ended up letting my parents buy my plane ticket to TN. Which I felt was more frustrated to me than driving! Trying to find where to be by myself etc. BUT I did use the little blue envelope they give you for "disability" people. And at one point I thought, "WHY would I drive 8 hours even if I never HAD a stroke when I can just fly!!" DUH!!! Anyway, thank you for the encouragement. I do like the idea of checking in with them, etc. So, that will be something I will try. Yes, I do have deficits...but they are invisible...
  4. Justice9

    Entry #2

    So, as I was reading some posts from people, I noticed someone had a blog. I wondered why I didn't have a blog! I figured it may help me in what's going on and venting etc. I go to start a blog...yep...you guessed it...I already have one! So, that was actually kind of nice! I thanked myself for starting one and here I am! I am preparing to take a license exam for social work and am becoming quite discouraged. My short term memory is shot. Which makes memorizing things next to impossible. I write, I read, I explain, I review etc....nothing seems to make it stick. I can't afford to take the test again. WAY to expensive. So, I am avoiding studying for the moment to talk with you all here! I continue to notice things I have lost the ability or understanding to do. Spelling used to come very easily for me...not anymore. Speaking and finding words has become a moment to moment challenge. Some days I just quit talking. Putting things in order, organizing, going through directions...so many things have all become challenges. Not that I am giving up...just that I am venting I guess. My family pretty much ignores that I had a stroke. Unless I bring it up, everyone goes about life as normal. NOT that i want everyone reminding me an such...but it's like it never happened to them. Wish I could ignore/forget it that easily. Hmmm...wonder how it would be if I forgot I had a stroke or if I never even KNEW to begin with... My doctor that I was crazy and needed therapy when I told him I didn't know what things were called etc. He SO did not take me seriously. He is no longer my doctor! I had my MRI done and he had to call me into the office and say "You actually DID have a stroke". REALLY???? DUH! Anyway, I guess I have rambled on long enough and need to get back to studying. Hope everyone out there in Strokeland is...well...I'm not sure what...just hope you are whatever you want to be! Hope everyone out there in Strokeland _________________________ (fill in your own answer!) <3
  5. feeling down....still

  6. Justice9

    Entry #1

    Okay, so here goes my first day of blogging about my stroke. It has been one year, 7 months and 1 day since my stroke. It has been 1 year, 1 month and some days (I don't do #'s well) since my heart surgery. I am struggling these days. A few weeks ago, my father, mother and grandmother decided to have a kind of "intervention" for me. I was planning on driving to TN to stay with a friend for a few days. They decided I shouldn't drive. My mother decided I shouldn't even drive to work! Dad really ripped into me and I totally cried and yelled. They don't understand. They try to compare my experience to their experience to them getting old or whatever. It isn't the same. It happened to me in about 10 minutes...not 30 years. I lost who I was overnight. I hate when people who have not had a stroke tell me their story of losing thoughts or words. They don't get it. It is so much more than that. I lost so much and continue to lose. I am shown every single day what I have lost and how I have changed. Yes, I have learned and grown and blah blah blah...I get sick of being positive all the time. It sucks. And I am dealing with it my own way. What gives them the right to tell me I can or can't do something? I am 38 years old for goodness sakes! So, all of this to say that I no longer tell ANYONE when I am not feeling good. When I need my migraine meds, when i am exhausted, when I can't think straight...all that fun stuff, I don't tell anybody. I am not going to have them fretting and worrying and trying to prohibit me from life. They tried to cage me, they tried to set boundaries on me. I cannot be caged. I will not. I drove to TN alone before...all night, in a thunderstorm. And I was fine. I have to be fine. I don't know how else to be. Some days I wonder if I feel this way bc of my stroke, or if I just feel this way. My kids are my motivation but sometimes, even they don't get me out of the depression. It's not like I stay in bed all day. I still do the things I am supposed to do. I don't know what to do about it some days. I do know that I am sick and tired of doctors and tests, blood draws and meds. I'm REALLY done with all that. Am I really this alone?