IS IT FAIR ?


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Since I & we contemplate with our new world I sometimes look around , and see the world full of drug addicts, alcoholics, smokers,obesity& just lazy people.Let alone a majority of those people still walk the normal life. Thats when some times I get upset, even my wife who is dangerously obese, smokes 30 a day , has high blood pressure 160/ 100 & never exercises still has a normal life I tell her she must do something only to fall on deaf ears. Then there was me correct weight, good B.P. bit of a sport addict, although smoked 15- 20 a day, liked abeer or two ( socially), then Bang look what happened. A bloke I knew ran along the beach religiously 3 miles, dropped dead before he hit the ground.So whats going on you look after yourself and you cop this & if you abuse it you keep on living the normal with of course problems as well. So sometimes I get jealous of people who abuse themselves and still got a normal life, how do you guys look at this. I know that abusive people have some complications of their own, but they can still drive, run, etc ,thats what gets to me from time to time. :huh:

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Since I & we contemplate with our new world I sometimes look around , and see the world full of drug addicts, alcoholics, smokers,obesity& just lazy people.Let alone a majority of those people still walk the normal life. Thats when some times I get upset, even my wife who is dangerously obese, smokes 30 a day , has high blood pressure 160/ 100 & never exercises still has a normal life I tell her she must do something only to fall on deaf ears. Then there was me correct weight, good B.P. bit of a sport addict, although smoked 15- 20 a day, liked abeer or two ( socially), then Bang look what happened. A bloke I knew ran along the beach religiously 3 miles, dropped dead before he hit the ground.So whats going on you look after yourself and you cop this & if you abuse it you keep on living the normal with of course problems as well. So sometimes I get jealous of people who abuse themselves and still got a normal life, how do you guys look at this. I know that abusive people have some complications of their own, but they can still drive, run, etc ,thats what gets to me from time to time. :huh:
Hi Phil, yes its true life is not fair but don't think because they look fine that they are, some might have severe mental disorders that we can't see, others might be living with abusive spouses and so on. You can't compare yourself to others like that. It will drive you mad and you will miss what good is left for you to live with. Or look at those who are a lot worse off than you, can you honestly say you were better than them? No, we all have our burdens to carry and they are not punishments, just life. I hope you understand what I am trying to explain. Take care

 

mc

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Phil.

 

I think it's like a coin, it has a head and a tail. We can look at it two ways, one, why us, the other, why not? So I look at my self and say I lived 62 years before my stroke and often think, man, I could have been born this way like many a kid I've seen struggling to walk or can't.

 

So I look at the high side, I got less years to be like this than what I had already lived and I'm still breathing, talking, walking and living. Then I think about Jesus, not a sin, yet he died at the age of 32 for all mankind and the sins and lives they lived.

 

With that thought, I don't get mad and I'm very thankful I'm a survivor. I could have been a goner right from the moment I passed out. I look at it as having a second chance at life in spite of all the sins and bad habits I shared. On the other hand people have strokes that has lived a life with no sins or bad habits. There's that two sided coin!

 

Is it fair?, Am I jealous?, no Sir, not one minute, I'm glad it happened and still, I'm alive. I'm getting by with what I have left! Lighten up on yourself, you are still alive! Don't let it get to you, you are not alone!

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No one ever promised life to be "fair", we each have choices, ... And as Marie Claire says, you don't know from the outside,, what is happening inside, or mentally.

 

I have known people who also, took god care, physically active, etc.. and have dropped dead.. Some of this is genetic, and now we are learning more and more health wise with food, fats, cholesterol. Others have their lives cut short.. by an accident.

 

Live life each day the best you can..

 

Bonnie

 

 

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Hi Phill

I was 60 when i had my stroke quite fit even at that age i could cut three ton of wood with a chainsaw and after lunch go and split it, smoked a few cigs drink only on occasions and look at what happened to me. It is just life some are lucky others aren't we just have to accept what happened and get on with our lives to the best of our abilities. I wanted so much to buy a van and get it converted and could have but with the blackouts i have I was only kidding myself. One just has to put the past behind themselves and look at the future in a positive way if you do not do that you will finish up a bitter lonely person.

Forget what you had and enjoy life to the fullest while you can, you never know what the next day might bring

 

Allan

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I can identify, in one way or the other, with what everyone has said. I had quit smoking and drinking (completely) 10 years before my stroke, was in good physical condition, low BP, decent CHL and boom - my life changed. The drs and me don't know why but it happened. I try daily to have a positive outlook but some days or worse than others. I'm here today, cried a lot last night and this morning but it has disappaited now . My emotional lability stinks and "normal" people don't get it. I reach to God for strength and courage to go on and just maybe I have some more recovery in me

 

Is it Fair - probably not. But instead of why me?, why not me? If God thinks I am strong enough to get through this, I guess I should be honored. Sound nuts? yep I am!! My brain is injured and I had to remember that. Leah

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phil, i am surprised at your post. we should be thankful that we were given a second chance in the 1st place. i believe god has our lives mapped out for us from when we are born. so the strokes we suffered were fate. if we did or didn't take care of ourselves,prior to the stroke that was our choice. millions of people appear normal to others but they have their own battles they are fighting i'm sure. remember everything happens for a reason. as allan stated, we need to accept it and move on with our new lives. we waste to much time, wondering why me? yes i have thought that myself right after my stroke, who doesn't i think. but as mc stated there are so many out there worse off than we are. i remind myself of that daily. i really wouldn't want anyone else to go through what we have had to. i hope your wife will listen to you soon. she may be headed down the same path as you, which would be a terrible thing to happen. we have to live for today now and pray that tomorrow will be a even better day. don't get yourself depressed about the other people you see appearing normal to you. forget them and be happy for yourself, you are a survivor.

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MY DAUGHTER RACHEL WAS BORN WITH A GROWTH HORMONE DEFICIENCY, BLIND IN LEFT EYE, ROTHMUND THOMPSON SKIN SYNDROME, DEVELOPED GLAUCOMA, CATARACTS IN BOTH EYES, CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE BY AGE 21 AND HAD HER MASSIVE STROKE AT AGE 22. AT 25 YEARS OF AGE NOW, SHE IS THE MOST THANKFUL PERSON I KNOW. SHE THANKS GOD EVERYDAY FOR HER LIFE. SHE LOVES ALL PEOPLE AND JUDGES NO ONE. I STRIVE TO BE MORE LIKE HER.
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I hear people say: "Life's Not Fair." But I feel, No, Life's Not Fair, BUT GOD IS GOOD...

Why is it people who give and share in their lives are the ones who get sick? The ones who take for granted and feel he who has the most toys rules.... But, I don't have time to get into all that, I focus on each day with my recovery, be the best wife I can be, Be a good Mom to Harley, Have the best relationships with those who have stuck beside me since my stroke, Keep my priorities in order, God first, family and friends. Keep focusing on my journey and keep hoping for more recovery. I don't judge others, that job is for God. He did have our lives mapped out as Kimmie stated, I always say he is the Alpha and Omega, he knew when we would be born and when we would die. I want to continue my life as it was pre stroke and after stroke as a person who is passionate about life and wanting to give to others and making a difference in their lives. Everyone has pain in their lives one way or another. So many people would ask me why don't you ever think and say Why Me... my answer was always the same... Why Not ME, look at Jesus, he went through so much more than anyone else I know. I feel I was chosen because God had a mission for me. I have learned so much and I take this assignment and try to make the right choices. You won't make it if all you do is look at the negative, look at what is great in life. The beautiful seasons, the flowers, trees, wild life, people. I have learned People will let you down. You need to dig deep down within your soul and find out what you are made of. Life is good and full of surprises, all we have to do is look and check it out. I try to get as much as I can in the days I was given to as a present from God. So, I want to stay and live in the present.

Hugs,

Jan

Believe In Miracles And SOAR

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Phil,

 

I hear ya loud

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hi phil,

i really am just adding a bit here...i agree with the answers to your post. there is a lot of wisdom in each person's answer. i too spent some time right after my stroke looking and judging other people and thier obvious bad habits that i knew were self-inflicting poor health. i thought why me for a time and then realized why not me. i have decided not to waste my energy on that type of thought....and we never can really know what it is like to walk in another person's shoes.

 

you are a survivor and have a second chance to live life........life...fate...whatever is not fair! just do your best everyday and try to stay positive. cheers! kathy

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Since I & we contemplate with our new world I sometimes look around , and see the world full of drug addicts, alcoholics, smokers,obesity& just lazy people.Let alone a majority of those people still walk the normal life. Thats when some times I get upset, even my wife who is dangerously obese, smokes 30 a day , has high blood pressure 160/ 100 & never exercises still has a normal life I tell her she must do something only to fall on deaf ears. Then there was me correct weight, good B.P. bit of a sport addict, although smoked 15- 20 a day, liked abeer or two ( socially), then Bang look what happened. A bloke I knew ran along the beach religiously 3 miles, dropped dead before he hit the ground.So whats going on you look after yourself and you cop this & if you abuse it you keep on living the normal with of course problems as well. So sometimes I get jealous of people who abuse themselves and still got a normal life, how do you guys look at this. I know that abusive people have some complications of their own, but they can still drive, run, etc ,thats what gets to me from time to time. :huh:

 

Phil,

 

Prior to stroke smacking me up alongside my head I worked in social services. I worked directly with individuals who massively played Russian Roulette with their lives on a daily basis as drug addicts, alcoholics - they also involved their innocent children as well.

 

I worked to help them regain control of their lives, sometimes it worked, times it did not. When I was in college earning my BA in Psychology, I followed the beliefs of a Psychologist - Carl Rogers. He believed that everyone has good in them and wants to do the right thing. They need guidance. I learned as well they have to "want" it for themselves.

 

Back then I tried my hardest NOT to follow society and also pass judgement. Even post, as I watch individuals around me, I try not to pass judgement upon them for the chances they take with their lives and their health. It is difficult not to get caught up in passing judgement; howver, if I do so, it's not going to help me with my health. It won't make the fact that I experienced a stroke go away. Now I have more to teach as I can explain how my circumstances permitted stroke to select me. If they chose to go the Russian Roulette way, so be it - it's free will.

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Phil I will give you a thought to pause on. I was hospitalized for of all things Pancreatitis Never drank in my life?!? They could not keep my hydrated and thought I would need surgery. So they went to do a Central Line. That was the last thing I remember I had at least two bleeds into the brain right there. I was in the wait between a catastrophe occuring and being let go to honor my living will when I woke up. I thank the Lord he was with me, he never left nor did he forsake me. Even though this was done TO me I still am grateful to the Lord Each day has been precious even when it seems uphill sometimes.

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I hear ya Phil and understand. I too, sometimes think that way though not as much in the beginning as I used to. I use to always think that I was the good sibling who would always have the best of everyone's interest, honor my Mom and Dad and be good to people. Never tried to jack anyone up like a certain sibling of mine. Why did it happen to me when I was the good one? Well, never got an answer and it drove me nuts... I'm over it now and just concentrate on appreciating life and my family. I am thankful I am still here for my disabled daughter who is just growing so fast. It's hard Phil..I know but try not to dwell on it so much or you will go batty. It's not fair..we didn't ask to stroke but what can we do now that it has happened?.. we just have to keep on working hard on recovering as much as we can.

 

I still feel mad and hurt at how this stroke has changed my life so much, especially, when I feel I did everything right and tried to be a good person and see all the others that use and abuse this or that. Even more so when I look at my disabled daughter and say "Why her? It's not fair!" It takes bit but I can usually calm myself down, take a deep breath and try to remember that things happen for a reason and that I have to make the best of my life not just for me but for my daughter as well. And it always comes back to me thinking, "I wouldn't wish a stroke on anybody"

 

It's the pits Phil and a major bummer but we just have to move ahead and not keep wondering about the fair and not fair that Life throws at us. Hang in there Phil..you are awesome! :hug:

 

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