Dwight in Chicago Posted August 9, 2009 Author Share Posted August 9, 2009 Hi Lisas, thank you for sharing the story of your father. It's always helps to hear other people's stories. And I'm pretty sure it's time to let mom go. So she can be at peace. Jan, thank you also for your encouragement. I am hoping the other doctor can offer his second medical opinion on Monday. I will next want to meet with the hospice people to see how that works. I am the luckiest guy because my mom was the best mother you can imagine. She definitely lives on in me. And in the hearts of all who knew her. Dwight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fking Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I'm praying your mom will survive from this point forward! Fred! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjohnson Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 I was wondering how it went when your company came in from California? Are you still speaking with those you had sent the mass e-mail out to? I feel you are at a good spot in your life at this point in time. You have such good memories and your love for your Mom will live on for ever n ever ..... You are blessed to have that in your life, so many people don't. Hospice is a wonderful organization,They are "Angels" on this earth. I have worked with a lot of them through my cancer ministry. I can't rave enough about them. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for the Monday meeting with the Dr. We care about you and are here should you need us. How is your Brother doing? Have a peaceful weekend. Did you meet up with your Buddist Mentors? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruthpill Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Dwight, I am so glad to hear that you have such a wonderful relationship with your mom. Count yourself as blessed. Many of do not have such fond memories or relationships with our mom's. I am glad that you at peace with your decision. You know what she wanted. She made her wishes known to you. I will keep you in my prayers on Monday. You are fortunate to have your friends and mentors. I had to make that decision for my first husband. He was brain dead when we removed the respirator. It is a hard decision, but you know in your heart what has to be done. RUth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcdube Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Thats great news for you and your family Dwight. Its so important to know there will be someone there for you if need be. In Canada, I am in a similar situation, my doc retired and we have no one to replace him. In this area, at least the docs are not taking new patients and this has me very worried. I am happy for you that you and your family now have someone you can count on. Keep us posted and take care, mc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjohnson Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Just letting you know I am thinking of you as tomorrow comes as it will be your meeting with the Dr's. We are here for you. I pray it goes well and all your questions will be answered and you have pure peace in your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwaltke Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Dwight I want you to know that I have walked on each set of footprints of this issue, my dad had a fatal stroke and I had to make the very decisions you are making now with your mom. It really came down to loving my Dad and knowing without a doubt the decisions I was left to make were the ones Dad would make I have never doubted we made the decisions he would have made. So firm was my mom she took it out of our hands and wrote a very specific living will. After sometime to go through the grieving I became a Hospice Volunteer I had my living will in tact when I myself stroked. Hospice was called in for me inpatient. I woke up not even realizing I had stroked so they did not waste a second to get Hydration etc restarted. I am a miracle. Fully in every way my Dad and Mom were loved and cared for and their lives were in life and in their passing lived in the fullness of Gods love until he called them home I assured them I would honor their wishes And I did so My heart and my prayers are with you now. Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwight in Chicago Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 Hi all, I have been fortunate to have surrounded myself during this time with family and friends to support me. I have consulted doctors, buddhist leaders, my financial planner. I have chanted to do what is best for mom. On Friday I meet with hospice to learn more about the process. We will remove mom from the ventilator toward the end of August. And have a buddhist memorial probably in early September. Though mom remains in a coma, my brother and I have stood at her bed and talked to her about what is happening and why. We've urged her if she is able to awaken and recover -- to tell us right now. I have thanked her for being an amazing mother. She always loved me and believed in me. I told her that I look forward to meeting her again in her next life. And assured her that her spirit lives on in me. Dwight :Neeeedsleeep: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjohnson Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Dear Dwight: Thank you for your update. I will keep you in prayer and thought for Friday when you meet with Hospice. Like I have shared before with you, they are a wonderful organization of "Angels" on earth. I am happy that you have been surrounded by a host of different individuals and they have been there for you. Just remember, your Mom may be leaving this "earthly" home, however, she will be having her HOMECOMING in the next. She is going where we all hope to be one day. I know she has been loved by her sons and that has brought her much comfort. Know you have a place here with us my friend. You will always have her loving memories in your heart as she has left footprints on your heart. I know you are honoring her wishes and that should bring you great comfort. Her Memorial service that you mentioned will be a great day of a Celebration of Life. You are cared for Dwight. Blessings, Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Dwight, Your post touched my heart. You are a peace with what your Mom would want. She will always always be your Mom and will always watch over you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwight in Chicago Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 Donna, thank you for mentioning my post touched your heart. It touched my heart to write it. As a creative writer, it is often my goal to reach people with the things of this world that move me, trouble me, and make me grow. Strokenet has been a great community for me and I've learned a lot from everyone's experiences. Jan, I agree that hospice workers are like angels. And the memorial will be nice with lots of funny stories about mom, I'm sure. Once my mother volunteered to help with an older patient who was dying. The woman told her that she was scared and lonely, and that no one had ever loved her in her whole life. My mom said: "I love you." "You do?" asked the woman. "Yes, I do," said my mother. And that night, the woman let go. She died peacefully in her sleep. That was such a great story. I want my mom to go peacefully too. I think she will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elondie Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Dwight, I truly enjoy reading your posts; they are not only articulate but most touching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjohnson Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 You know Dwight when you shared about your Mom being with that woman who was dying and she stated she had never been loved and your Mom said she loved her, with all my 35+ years working with cancer patients, when I have been with ones that were so close to death but wouldn't let go, they hung on with all their might, We would talk and I would say to them it was okay for them to let go if they wanted to, that their families would understand, that they had fought the good fight and that their families would be okay if they went home ..... they would be free and out of pain. Most of them felt like they needed permission to let go. They didn't want to let anyone down like they had wanted to stop fighting. The family would then tell them how much they loved them and they had fought a valiant fight and they would all be with the person and then finally they passed on. It is a very loving moment.... so much love in the room. The patient cared so much about their family even until their last breath. They needed for their family to share it was okay to let go, they gave them the permission. I pray your Mom's passing will be a safe and peaceful journey for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwight in Chicago Posted August 14, 2009 Author Share Posted August 14, 2009 Elondie, Thank you for your note. I'm glad you like reading my posts. I read your profile and learned about your 10 month old granddaughter having several strokes. I never heard of strokes happening so young. I hope she is recovering. Dwight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwight in Chicago Posted August 14, 2009 Author Share Posted August 14, 2009 Jan, thank you for sharing your experience working with cancer patients. That's good for me to remember that sometimes the dying need to know it's all right to let go. That the journey is coming to an end and we wish them peace and love. Dwight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myhome Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Hi all, I have been fortunate to have surrounded myself during this time with family and friends to support me. I have consulted doctors, buddhist leaders, my financial planner. I have chanted to do what is best for mom. On Friday I meet with hospice to learn more about the process. We will remove mom from the ventilator toward the end of August. And have a buddhist memorial probably in early September. Though mom remains in a coma, my brother and I have stood at her bed and talked to her about what is happening and why. We've urged her if she is able to awaken and recover -- to tell us right now. I have thanked her for being an amazing mother. She always loved me and believed in me. I told her that I look forward to meeting her again in her next life. And assured her that her spirit lives on in me. Dwight :Neeeedsleeep: Dwight, The last time I talked to my mother she said she loved me, I said that I loved her too...that night she died in her sleep that was 1999 and I still miss her everyday. I pray that you as well get the chance to tell your Mom goodbye, and to tell her what she meant to you. She may be in a coma, but I'm betting she hears every word. Be at peace my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwight in Chicago Posted August 15, 2009 Author Share Posted August 15, 2009 Stu, Thanks for your thoughts. Yes, I have been able to stand near mom and tell her all she's meant to me. How much I've loved her and what a great mother she's been. How much everyone misses her. Today I got to tour the hospice unit in a nearby hospital. I had a good conversation with the social worker. I signed all the papers. Every time I visit mom now, I tell her what she means to me...since time is running out. She had a cerebral hemorrhagic stroke last January. When I visited her today, she was coughing more than usual. We will remove the ventilator toward the end of this month. The doctor thinks she will probably live a day or two at the most. They've never been able to wean her off the vent. I'm glad that peace is coming for her soon. What great lady... I have so many memories. And some good youtube videos of her. Dwight P.S. I don't know if they'll permit this photo of mom, but here it is. Since many have wished her well, I thought a picture would be nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjohnson Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Dwight: I am so happy to hear you enjoyed your visit with Hospice. That prayer has been answered. I love this pic of your Mom. She is beautiful and you could tell she is filled with life and love in the picture. I am happy you shared this with us. Just hold on to those memories of her. You know Stu's answer to you and what you have shared means a lot to me as I was not one of the lucky ones to be able to be there with their Mom when they leave this earth. My Mom got sick the 14th of January and died the 19th of March 1974 from Pancreatic Cancer. My Sister never told me her condition. Therefore, I worked my two jobs and I would see Mom but never knew. When I got to the hospital that day, she was already gone, I just held her hand and spoke to her as the Dr and Nurse told me her hearing was the last to go and that she could hear me. I have lived 35 years with guilt and sadness cuz I could never say to her I Love You and how much she meant to me one last time. So, I am happy that you can tell your Mom every day all you want to say. I know today that she knew but then it didn't register. Know you have major support here. The transition will be a smooth one and she is going to a far better place than where she is now. She will be at peace and be able to breathe and be out of pain. She will become your Guardian Angel ..... What an awesome thing that will be. I feel my Mom so deeply and I know she is with me. She lives in my heart BIG TIME. You should post other pics of your Mom in the gallery. Take care and update us soon if you can. Did you notice the angel she had on her dress? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwaltke Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Dwight I was a Hospice Volunteer for several years. I am sure they will do every thing to honor your wishs and to be there with you if you need. I thank all of you who have called us Angels. I would like to share in all the situations I was involved in, never did I even come close to giving as much as I received in each case. I feel so blessed to have been a part of Hospice. If ever I can drive and become able to do the patient care again I will. One thing is certain Hospice will be there at the close of my life unless it comes suddenly. I could not help notice Dwight the Angels and stars on your Moms sweater. That touched me deeply. Hospice also has grief counseling available should you find that a need in time. Bless your heart Dwight you are a wonderful son. Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 Dwight, Thank you so much for sharing this picture. As you can, please feel free to post others in the Gallery. You could set up a visual tribute to your Mom in the Gallery. I lost my Mom October 2008 to undiagnosed breast cancer. We were 2400 miles apart - I never got to tell her how I felt. My brother was by her side for 4 hours before she passed. My Mom passed before hospice actually stepped in, your Mom may be called home in the same way. I know in my heart your Mom hears your words and is rejoicing in the love she has for you and your brother. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwight in Chicago Posted August 16, 2009 Author Share Posted August 16, 2009 Hi Jan, Karen and Donna, I'm glad you all like the picture of my mom, Patsy Okita. I didn't notice the angel on her sweater, but that's pretty sweet. Dwight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjohnson Posted August 21, 2009 Share Posted August 21, 2009 Dwight: I just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through these days. Your Mom is a true blessing and one can tell by her beautiful face that she just glows. She has so much love and you and your Brother are a product of that love ... Know you are cared about so much by all of your friends here. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you ... When you have time, please let us know how you are doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwight in Chicago Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 Hi Jan, Thanks for your note. Things have been busy. My mother, Patsy Okita, is now in hospice. It's a nice calming place close to my house. I have consulted countless people and now the plans are made. We will remove mom from the ventilator this Friday, August 28, at 11am central time. There is a small group of friends relatives who will be present. It's likely she will pass quickly on that day, but it could be a few days. And this Wed, August 26, is my birthday. So I am going out with my friends for dinner. Because life must go on. The cycle of birth and death in a single week! Mortality. Vitality. Two sides of the same coin. I've wished my mother good luck for her journey ahead. I thanked her for being my mother. She has taught me so much about love and forgiveness and enlightenment and joy. And resilience. She taught me a lot about resilience. Dwight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Thank you Dwight for the update. Your Mom will pass with the dignity she is so deserving of. And, on your birthday, you will also be able to thank her for bringing you into this world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kanderson Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 hi dwight, this will be a bittersweet week for you. you made a good decision on your mom's departure from this earth. she will now live on the heavens above watching over you and your brother. be at peace with yourself. she will go peacefully i am sure. hospice is good about that. your mom is a beautiful lady and full of love for her sons, you can see it in her picture. i wish you a happy birthday early. perhaps you can celebrate with your mom 1 more time. you were blessed with a great mom who taught you so much. just being with her would be the best thing you can do for her now. she will live on in you and your brother. come friday, she will become whole once more, like she used to be, no pain, stroke, or coma anymore. i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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