Yesterday I was still in a bad mood. Things had gone from bad to worse. I had tried to brighten up for Ray's birthday. I had decided we would do a few things in the morning including going to the doctor and going out to breakfast. Maybe we should have had the breakfast first! Instead we went to the doctor first, he read all the reports but still did not have the recommendation from the kidney specialist so we have to go again same time next week. He was disappointed when I told him that the kidney specialist had recommended insulin. He doesn't want to go there with Ray if we can help it. And he said if he does decided to alter Ray's tablets it will be one a a time, not all at once. In a way that made me feel we were still in control of the situation. We can take the advice of the specialist but combine it with some common sense.

The breakfast was good except that Ray, like a lot of stroke survivors, sees a large plate of food and promptly loses his appetite. I explained to him that this was the equivalent of breakfast and morning tea, it being ten o'clock by then. He still shook his head so I asked the waitress for a spare plate, cut up half of the breakfast and moved it across to the other plate. I would rather have him eat half of the food provided than balk at eating any of it. I can eat scrambled eggs and as she puts garnish on each plate it was rather like eating scrambled eggs with salad!

I had told the barber that I wanted Ray to have a haircut after the breakfast but when we got back there his room was full and so we couldn't wait. Ray had to be toiletted etc before he went off to Scallywags. I was disappointed as it is hard to fit extras into next week which will include the funeral of an old family friend.

My free time while Ray was away at Scallywags had to include a visit to Mum as she had had another fall, they seem to be coming regularly at a couple a month now. She had a bandage around her head and over her forehead where she had yet another cut but seemed quite cheerful. I stayed with her for over an hour as I had given up other plans to get there.

Ray got home from Scallywags and had another "fecal event". OMG, what a mess. Took me an hour to clean up, get him showered and into bed, I thought that the best place to put him for a while. It is getting harder for me to clean up now, as if it has a cumulative effect. I know it is not his fault etc. But it is still practical problem that we need to overcome. By then Trev was back home and wanted to cook a special meal for Ray's birthday dinner but I persuaded him to just cook some steamed chicken and vegetables, a bland meal to soothe an upset stomach. Wasn't very "special" but didn't stir up any more trouble.

Why have I called this baby love? Well tonight we had Alex and Tori while their Mum and Dad went out to dinner. I wasn't going to do it yesterday, I was feeling too sorry for myself, too hard pressed. But this morning I decided I would do it. Our daughter-in-law doesn't get to go out much without Alex and needs a break too. I remember the first couple of child free nights after having a baby, it is heaven. And it was the right thing to do.

This morning we spent all morning at our church fete. It was cold, blustery and wet but it has a large covered area between two buildings and a lot of people still came and bought. We had morning tea with some of our friends from our last church who had come to support us. A few of the new church members said "hello" and smiled at us, a couple even dropped by our table to say a few words. It was as if we are finally at peace and meant to be there. We stayed on past lunch time as Ray loves a sausage "sanga" (sandwich) from the BBQ. And it is nice when he gets one of the thing he likes for a change. Makes life more bearable for him.

Tonight Baby Alex was not in a good mood, he cried a lot, he pulled his legs up to his chest and screamed some. I cuddled him a lot and Tori watched videos after our evening meal. Then she wanted a bath and I handed a crying Alex to Ray, putting him in the crook of his "bad" arm so he could pat him with his good hand. After a few minutes the crying stopped. I went back in and there is Ray watching football with the volume way down and a sleeping baby in the crook of his arm.

If ever I have wondered why Ray has survived his five strokes and numerous other health events it is all vindicated with what I saw so clearly in that moment. Ray is here to help give love, to his friends, to his family however rarely they call on us and now to one more small addition to our family.