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Stroke Survivor - female
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Everything posted by SassyBetsy

  1. SassyBetsy

    Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow

    I am sad I not hear from my son He not text and say he understands the misunderstanding on my text or explain his emotional outburst I was not expecting. I hurt and miss him dreadfully. Is he so mad he will cut off paying for my cell phone which not only gives me netflix but also enables me to schedule my medical appointments and transportation. Our phone jacks in room do not work and and I would need to use phone at nurses station. I appreciate he says to me that it is his turn. How sweet. But my children do not owe me. They gave me a gift of love. My days are like the poem thing tomorrow and tomorrpow and tomorrow and tomorrow.....they blend in, some goodness is my hobby. I just got new books,pencils,Hooray. I have care. I have had pain everyday for 4 years. 1 year was at home, 3.5 here. I have survived and I recall lots of help I gave after my stroke as well as what I took from those who loved me. Yes I feel alone and I would never trade places, would never wish this on my worst nor best friend,I had a beautiful life I was blessed, but yes young I lost my life freedom and I call home this snf which will soon have new administration. I am happy today. I missed support group for stroke,tbi,bcause it hurts to walk. I did not want to shower, get ready. Pain is exhausting. I stayed in bed this morning.
  2. So I kinda eat the same foods every day. I do eggs in the morning only once in a while. fried well done. I get them on my noon salad usually daily with tomatos cucumbers and hopefully blue cheese. or any kind of dressing is fine. I love salads. But here they are served with yucky processed meat ham or turkey that I scoop off. Ew! And I need more protein so I will eat hopefully whatever the entree will be. I avoid the artificial mashed potatoes that are not like the boxes I bought. I will eat a baked or scalloped. I love any kind of rice. So I only do a couple table spoons of the starches.But even they are necessary for good nutrition. I love squashes and every veggie but they overcook most and so I pick and choose and pass. So I rarely do their plate. I like my salad. I love cold cereal. any kind. ok ALL kinds. Now it perplexes me that while they over cook most food, they undercook an egg. So I say burn my toast and make my egg crisp. Then it comes toasted and egg perfect. So I learned if I want A hot breakfast and not my usual fruit plate and plain bagel with coffee, Then I order it special early and then the cna brings it and it is not on a cart. I rarely eat a full fruit plate. I get it for the fruit that is not melons. so that is a handful of pineapple or strawberries or grapes. Anyway I make sure it is a handful only. I will have an orange as a snack at night sometimes. That is a treat. The dinner is my smallest meal. If it is not spaghetti or fish then I pass. I will eat peanut butter sometimes with crackers... So I try to do ratio of more salad and veg....handful fruit daily...handful of protein when I like it. So dull but peppered in are the best darn desserts in the worldOh I pass on the creative pear dishes,.pears with jello sprinkled on them...chocolate sauce whipped cream on canned pears is just immoral criminal and should be banned and punished. But I mean the cheese cake.cake with icing. brownies. cookies of any kind. Yes they serve me. and I indulge in a half portion they serve once in a while. So this is working so far. I mean let me eat. all other pleasures are gone. My body really is enemy. And food here is yucky but some is great. If I do the handful only then my numbers stay good. I use novolog as meal coverage with lantus as long term. The juggled me on thisnthat..but this combo dances well to my music. Ok so I freaked out. shots. seriously. But I hated finger testing. At least thankful for my numbish hand right but it can zingzang feeling weird. so luckily me smart son went hunting online and found the smaller guages....My personal lancets are multicolored and good for kids...and me. They are 33 guage and seem to be thin enough to avoid the nerves. I control the depth the lancet goes..usually also use my own pen tops.not theirs. Mine are shorter and thinner. 32 4. Very nice. So I can do this. I was hating it unable to do myself and then son found these. No one else cared or looked or suggested. So Now You Know. Hopefully it helps. Unless you are stronger than me. But this changed the dreading checks and shots all day. And I eat well. I do fastfood once a month. splurge. usually chicken nuggets and tacos. Ok so about honestly sneaking candy. of course. it happends. ohhh the guilt. Good and Plenty candies. those old school things. to die for. literally. I do that at times. sometimes a chocolate but not often. I need to avoid salt so chips is what i really want. so not half the bag. only handful once in blue moon, it shows if i cheat. so hope it helps. just need to fin t.d a happy way to live log term with it. You can have anything if you balance it out.)! And get the diabetic shoes. I got extremely light athletic shoes. I picked my colors too. My shoes are blue,teal,and mint. I bought mint and teal tanks and camis wear them under clothes so i match. I bought a mint colored terry sweatshirt I wear going out when in A C. I love my new colors I wear. Friend sent me matching nail polish I have not tried. But the shoe program is great. VA gets more too. So hoprefully this helps. So what do you do?? Maybe you have ideas because I need to cut down breads.
  3. SassyBetsy

    Miraculous Mary

    A supervisor that used to care for me still does and I gave him a run for the money headache when I first arrived here in agony. He went to Paris and brought back Miraculous Mary medallions in a laminated wallet card with a prayer on it. He saw my rosary and we chatted about Catholicism and he promised me one. Last week he appeared with it. I am so grateful for this gesture and I believe in the strength he has loaned to me. I also appreciate that some know me here understand me and this pain I live with. I have many who know me well here and yet they are employees and I am just a room number. But some of them well they give you a gift of love. And then days later my new roomie that I welcomed tried to make friends with staying up on a thunderstormy night sharing stories loaned my nail polish and then she woke up saying she was warned not to stay in the room with me when she had the chance that no one here liked me and she was tired of hearing me say I also needed help from the cna. Well there is one call light and that we share...I said I did not mind waiting.she can go first. Well she had simply collected info for ammo. She said everyone was sick of hearing me. It was cruel. When I tried to tell the nurse that I had no problem with her and did not provoke her she mocked me saing oh the little girl is gonna cry. I firmly stated I am not crying. Oh then it was considered argument. They told us to stop. So I have ignored her. No more chatting. They still give us 1 cna to share. When I need something I walk to the door. When the cna comes in she immediately says I pressed the light. Help me. So what if I also want a coffee too.or pain pill. Did I mention that a blind man here is my friend. He asked me to be his girlfriend. I said no. This was years ago when I met him. But I visit and accompany him to bingo. He invited me to his birthday. And so we are good friends. He gives roses and I get him stuffed animals. But there is no physical affection at all.None. I am positive it is forbidden and I do not even want to go there. He is 16 years my senior and his english is poor and my Spanish is worse so we are an unlikely pair but I take him to activities. So....he comes to the room. Calling my name. Unaware she is there! He is surprised! She says hello friend of 13 years. He is friendly back. He asks where I am and I chime in. He visits and I go to
  4. SassyBetsy

    I did it!

    8XyM.*I now am battery operated! I got a chance to speak to the rep from the company ,. He was there helping the doc. It was not that bad. The doc said he thot they would have to stop. My bp went to 200. Ya. Hurt a bit. But I did it! So I had to reposition 3 times. I did push ups! Not easy on a op bed thing. But they finally got the right angle. The curve in my back was in his way. Then too flat. Ok. Took experimenting. One more time they said. But my anxiety and pain elevated. I was exhausted. The total time was 2 hours on the table. They assure me now they have a map to work from and the permanent procedure will be easier. So then arthritis in my back made it hard to thread. Arthritis? Stenosis? Bone spur. My doc said everyone has arthritis so nothing to be concerned about. He did say to me "You really powered through there at the end and I really appreciated that!" Well after all that you bet I wanted success!!! But nice someone recognized the sacrifice,the effort,the courage. I felt a surge of pride,childlike,those words were needed. Bless my doc for the recognition and not taking all the credit. But he is heroic,he never gave up,he tried even though he thought he went overtime. And they kept me going with the IV courage juice. So I have just 1 lead in the epidural spaces threaded in the ladder of the spine. 8 electrodes are on the lead, impacting different nerve bundle stuffs of lower back, lower right leg and foot. The second one is backup and not needed really. Right away I felt my foot tingle with needles and pins. So I was taught to use the remote and tune signal down. Success!!! I am a responder!!! They said it went perfect!!! Praise and Thanks!! But...... The transport driver arrived and we rolled out only to find a van without access to the seats from ramp. I could not step up. I had to go back inside,call for another,wait. 2 hours they guessed. So I was put back in reclining chair, hooked to decices,BP cuff,O2 finger thing, and quite exhausted & happy, I drifted off a pain pill that was sure to help. Then I WAS AWAKE. Two nurses were saying Ok Shes back, numbers improving, call the doctors from a close by department,call my neurologist. Wait.wait.wait. wait.wait. It All went well.send me home! Two doctors asking me about did you fall asleep? Stoopid Q. I said I already know I have apnea but they want study before they send me around on oxygen. The doc asked nurses how did they notice my level drop. One nurse behind desk was grinning and said "Her Snoring. How could you miss it?" That is all it took for me to dissolve. I accused her Is this funny? Sure she thinks so,she is laughing about it. Hilarious! Thanks? Is this about saving me? And I swear the nurse covered her mouth and face with both hands and they all got a huge chuckle saying no its what we look for...... So there was that annoying sensitivity of mine...but cmon, saying THAT was unprofessional and cruel when it was obviously going to embarrass me. And I had already repeatedly told those 3 nurses that I had trouble with things moving fast ,multi tasking...like them buzzing around me caused nervous chaos vibrating around. Another kind nurse said comforting things,buzzed too but not annoying...softer buzzing yet still hurrying me. Every move hurt me. Breathing hurt. I had told that to my doc. She put it down to my weirdness. Then they explained how risky living with apnea could be. Hearing someone say in your ear, You could pass away,or have another stroke.......tears broke,my soul broke, why had I endured so much to just stop breathing. That funny sound was me choking gasping in a final breath obstructed. What is there to giggle over? Each doc made a speech...and both curiously reached out touch my hand. Interesting gesture that failed to comfort. Why? I just said that it was terrifying to have all the fuss...in the event something went wrong I did not dream of This Way..... And I felt guilty they called my doc to come back..... There he was as I emerged from the Loo...saying just go to rule things out,get what you need.... I could not hear or listen any more. For once I understand the worldview of the autistic.... I was overwhelmed...like the kid at an unwanted birthday party. I am THE brat. The obstinate one. Unknowable. Unlikeable. Yet I suspected the ER would send me back to the nursing home for my doc there to treat my sleep apnea. So I said Of course I agree to go to the ER BUT I said I already have appointment with sleep study.....ok my doc arrived and the medics were there..... So in the interest of urgency and decency....I climbed on another tiny bed. And then the truly OUTRAGEOUSLY HILLARIOUS moments of the entire saga of the day unfolded.....as they loaded me into the ambulance, the medic says "We are only driving over to the next building. The outpatient pavilion is actually at the ER. They could have pushed you in a wheelchair there. My Insurance WILL be thrilled! The triage nurse said I was not going strait to a bed......as if the ambulance fiasco was discovered....she put me in the waiting room....said the wait was estimated at 3 hours. I wore a mask and lamented at every coughing contagiousness surrounding me. And then they gave me that famous turkey sandwich,banana,graham crackers, and the npo fast ended. That was all I needed to feel normal again. And I dozed off in the waiting room where no one was watching. And if no one had noticed,I had a thing shoved up my spine, threaded,pounded.....the numbness wore off. I begged for pillows to sit on,lean against. Somewhere in there they went in same arm same place as the earlier IV but unsuccessful at getting blood. A second try was a fool wanting to use that same arm, I was not drinking water, so I heard myself screaming rather than arguing. He left and I felt they were disgusted. No comfort. I mean the whole day was tortured. Every hour. I scream and no one says sorry. They want an apology from me for not providing them blood. So then they wanted me to sit in the bed reclining on my back. I sat in the chair padded all around sleep overtaking nodding flopping over and then begging for my pain medications.....as expected to need them....in the beginning.....and the doc sent me away saying,well you have had it for a while,so just go see your primary doc, you know it is sleep apnea. By midnight this Cinderella was removing her shoes and sitting in the chair,then sleeping in the bed. Without oxygen. Even though I gave the papers, told the tale. We will call the doc. That is a broken response,and today Between napping,totally day passed unnoticed, but tonight I was adamant. I finally said then return me to the hospital, and then oxygen tank came in for me to use while sleeping. The medic said he had sleep apnea. He was looking fit. That encouraged me to resist despairing I am on the oxygen. I wonder if lack of O2 is making me the irritable person I am. Or maybe 4 years of continuous pain. Or maybe sick of people Who are just annoying. Oh the old roomie who said I made it impossible for her to remain well she sent well wishes. I ignored it.
  5. SassyBetsy

    Spinal Electrode in the Morning

    I go in the morning to try the thing. I am scared. I must shower tonite. Now this is a problem as usual. I have new roommate. I have not seen her yet. My admirer brought me a veggie drink that is horrid. Thought counts. He said old witch former roomie told him I had surgery tomorrow. I said No I did not. It is a procedure I will be awake. I will endure pain. I will feel the nerve bundle awake as tūhey thread wire leads into my spine with a local shot only while everyone is there. I said her name should never be rmentioned again. I told him she was jealous. I said she was Awful to me. She said Hurtful things to me. I said I was glad she was gone and I will never see her. There. Whew. I said to him. Do you even understand me? I know there was an audience. No one offered to translate. I heard my voice hoarse from talking all night to my friend. I was sleeping. He woke me. He said were you sleeping??? I just blurted. Emotion was there. On the verge of tears. I was screaming Inside. I am WOUNDED. Stupid. If I had thought first. Here it is phoney cheerfulness. He not speak my language. He said he not play bingo with me for candies. He gets candies at the store. He says he plays to see me. He said Only You I play Bingo with. OMG. OMG.OMG. I feel childish. Silly. There is misunderstanding here. Yes I know I say.Thank you. I say again that I do not like our mutual acquaintance. She is a terrible person to me. I say Yes thank you for the gift. Thank you for coming. I tell him how to get out of the room. He says I only want good things for your life. I feel now like I should have pretended. Shut up. Then I hear him call for housekeeper who brought him up. I hear talking...then in English I hear Yes I know you did not do anything. I listen to that and think I cannot look at him and not recall how she mimicked his calling my name and said blahblyblah. I needed him to know it all but the words were lost uselessly not there. He was worried about surgery for me. I was angry she mentioned that to him. She stole something. Fake concern. And no he is so innocent. Just came to visit us. But 2 women cannot share. I knew she was angry when she heard him call me that day. She resented that he returned calling my name not hers. Petty Stuff. But I feel violated as people come in the room saying you have your room back. WT? And then the nurse is there that I despise. She makes trouble for me. I shoo her off like a fly. Now today I am selfish. I already gave it all. I was nice.I shared food.nail polish. My life stories. I feel that it may be true that no one likes me. I am odd here.out of place. Pain makes me need.Ask.Demand. They only see that. Not tears.not alone. Not ME. I wanted him to see it. Pain. No one ever does. They walk away just always saying it is not their fault or problem. I always show it to them. Stoopid. I told the nurse I reported her so stay away from me. I say Report that to your supervisor. Tonite my cna says she is too busy to get me into shower. No one told her early. I was sleeping. I said I informed them.reminded them. I need a packed up breakfast too. And a mug with tea and fixings. I will eat at 6am. Then NPO until dinner prob. Just water. When it is ok. I will hurt. It does for spinals. Then relief. Will this be so? Ok. Well I want to just survive. I do not want to lash out. I thot I gave from the heart. I was shot at by all sides. I speak up. I may be snotty. But I am good. Better than some who speak behind the back saying oh they are trash then 2 nurses came to speak support to me about that mean nurse. They dislike her. They dislike what happened to me left in shower without pain meds. There is decency out there. But silent. God sees me. Please keep watching. I am speaking up.
  6. SassyBetsy

    She is cute and handsome couple so baby wull be doll baby!! Fun travel day! God bless!!
  7. Tracy your writings help me think positively about loss of my home my belongings. Even now I enjoy things that are just senseless attachments. My friend sends me surprise boxes. I give away things I will never use. Our lives are not material. We are spiritual beings. I am happy that you may get your own place eventually. Alone is a good thing.
  8. SassyBetsy

    Yes. Like it never happened.
  9. SassyBetsy

    Spinal Trial.

    On Nov 9th I will go in for the Electrode trial. I am tired of pain. Risky but I will bet all on table now. I live in agony in a world that sees only weakness in it not the strength it has taken to live since 2014 in pain. And I need pain pills on time. So the home has policy that pills given in room omly. I got stuck inthe showers and no pain pill given. Policy first. I need freedom.
  10. SassyBetsy

    Sue the director of nursing said I needed to go to my room in a shower chair or wheel chair to get the pill. I was crying in pain not temper tantrum. I was polite. I never curse. I called ombudsman and the lady said be careful of complaining. They can say they cannot meet my needs. I have been here 3 years. They said that was policy. And no blood checks no insulin out of room. Nonononon. No one lives by that here before ever. They discouraged it in dining room. I would walk by nurses station and take insulin on way there. Hoping to get to food before it hit. The ombud said are they lying to me? I took a picture of it today. Ok so weekends are not mon fri but yes People first. It was not my fault to be in there. Another man went before me. We said ok.but he took longer than expected. And pain comes on harder sometimes. I am in a high priced affluent neighborhood close to the hospital. Inhumane treatment.
  11. I have said thing forever but now am going through saying odd things or opposite word I not want to say. Sure being tired brings on shakes and stroke stuff more. I find it frustrsting and I speak slow some say sounds normal but I know it not right. I derail and fake the ending clueless about what I am saying. People laugh. It is funny when I say hand me the zipper please but not when they ask me and I say no...then embarrassed I say of course. Brain stem.pons area
  12. This is our book. I read it to both my kids,chanted those lines as long as I remember,meant them with every fiber and will always. I recall when the kids became the adults caretaking their mother. It seems impossible the anger bitterness hurt that festered to a head. Truly Once my daughter's pediatrician when she was a teen gave her acne med saying our closeness was evident so she trusted My daughter would confide problems that arose. Well we had typical stuff. My son pulled away to grown into a man. I respected his decisions. I am proud of him. He hid when his marriage failed but I cried for him. Honestly we were so close as a family. Then stroke. Then then then None of that matters. Forgiveness matters. I wish the kids were close again but he will not talk to his sister so she blames me and no one talks now,years lost. My son said well you can watch grandson grow from afar, I can send you a picture I found online. I texted the truth to my son. My jealous daughter said I took away her brother so she withheld the baby so I would feel like she did. She was angry that son and I went on roadtrip, it was xmas,she just gave birth,could not go,cmon...... Nothing big.. Nothing small Now we are torn apart Like all those jealous of our closeness before...let them rejoice, we are strangers now.
  13. SassyBetsy

    I got it approved,or rather the doc office wrote it to code. So now I schedule it, go in do it, wear it,and see if an electrode is option for me. I am terrified. Of more pain. Seriously. What if there are horrible complications or just not works but hurts a lot. I am sooooo chicken I want fall to be happy holiday time. Not pain experiment time. My support is some caring staff.My son has gone,my family disappeared. I guess no need to postpone it.
  14. SassyBetsy

    I also trade fatigue for relief. BEST wishes that you find solutions. This is awful to live like this isn't it.
  15. SassyBetsy

    Hi Welcome to my FUNHOUSE! I take meds for dizzy and vertigo. I wear prism glasses for my visual stuff. I use an eye patch sometimes. So I know what stress and just being in new place can do. I pray others will help by realizing I live in that house tilted sideways with funky mirrors. Good socks. Hope th= knew shoes are fun.
  16. SassyBetsy

    Tracy YOU have YOU! Belong to our group! Love yourself and do not be let down. Families are notorious for causing hurt sometimes so protect! Heal! Enjoy your life. Material things come and go. Don't worry about that old stuff. Someday you will. I am former smoker. It is a hard hard step to do. Congrats! You are strong and Beautiful!
  17. SassyBetsy

    Can I bea crazy cat too without a kitty?
  18. SassyBetsy

    She's like a Rainbow

    I am with a roommate like my twin. We watch movies together , talk during a thunder storm the other night, and talk about how I got diagnosed with stroke pain. I see her problems that are similar to mine,similar to CPS. But she calls it neuropathy. She is not diabetic. I asked how did you get neuropathy and she said after her stroke, but she never heard of stroke pain. I
  19. SassyBetsy

    Oh and the lady talks non stop about staying now haha, but she has lived in other room with a roomie for a decade, so she is torn. This is 2 beds not 3, the room has light and air, and I rarely run my tv since I watch netflix on phone. A gift from my son. And has me. So since she hates the lady in middle bed,that one will prob come here. Another dementia. I will explode. So we will see.....
  20. SassyBetsy

    It is temporary. While her roomie is treated for mersa. Now i said PLEASE DO NOT expose me to amything before my spinal procedure. The social worker said oh NEVER. No one would tell. Then 2 different cnas told us. So not air born so hopefully not contagious.
  21. SassyBetsy

    Time for a Ball Cinderella!!! Wowee, she had a do list all prepared ahead of time. So are you the Resident Slave, ok yes you are concerned,kind,and even advocating.... And I am so glad you are taking time to rest for yoirself.
  22. SassyBetsy

    Through My Eyes

    I was visited by Health Department regsrding a complaint I made againt a nurse for being an abusive bully insulting me and interfering with me getting to urgent care...where they called an ambulance to escort me to the ER and then I was admitted to the hospital.....so now that nurse still cares for me but cannot contact me so someone else brings my meds....... This was a complaint I made last year....so the HD said I got the name wrong...oops well lets recall who told me a wrong name around here..... So the HD said it cannot be proven. I said I know. HD said well still complain because then if many complain...... OH I just zoned to my happy you cannot follow me here place. ........no one can prove what another does........ Then I admitted I took a picture when the 2 nurses were standing hands on hips in front of me....cannot prove...but to my memory issues it reminds me it was real not a dream...and I have hospital discharge sheet. But who can prove another's bad behavior.... Oh interviewing others? Some code of silence. So HD asked if I was afraid. I said well this nurse takes care of me but not in my room. She parks her cart outside my door because that is where plug is.......I just do not like the nurses who are on some power trip......that are lvn anyway. But I deal..... it is history My real problem Is that I got a text from my son who says for the last 4 years I complain I am alone and ........ok I do not recall exactly but the gist is I am wrong,selfish...and my inner voice chimed in...undeserving, ungrateful....you get the train here. I was stunned. His opinion of me is priceless. I want his love and respect, yes still. How dare he address his mother this way. And I thought all was well. Ok he never visits and it has been months since he took me on outing...which was a 2 hr limit store excursion. Yes he has busy life. I want him to use his off time for his social life, not mine, of course. But I do expect him to be there.for fun times visit,talk,eat. I am grateful for time he makes for me. Where did this come from? I think it comes from his friend and that mom who hate caring for grandma. So I am that now? Someone warehoused to die? And I have the nerve to want to be taken into live,society. Well, lets see..I have never been invited out with any of his friends for some occasion, just like in real life,ones mom is not included. So how do I interfere?I do not. I do not expect much. I text. But most of the time I am misunderstood....that I have said something bad against him or hurtful. But he never calls. He prefers text. Great. But somehow I say one thing that becomes a disaster. He loves me. I hurt him. This situation. He helped, but he young, not expected to be able to do more. But then I read that and think wait, he is 29 now and looking back, I had 2 kids,took care of my mom...... Maybe root is something else. Families have bitter jealousys I do not have time for. NEWSFLASH here, I have CPS. For the last 4 years. While I have been whining, needing reassurance I am not alone when I really actually am alone, I have had daily Pain,hourly Pain and constant unrelentless pain that actually honestly and in 4 dimensions of reality hurts. I have endured losses. I do not need that laundry list again. So if I am a pain in the ass, excuse me but I am not some sweet granny that grew old into an inconvenience and wants a call. No, am I needy on my only son? Well I am in a SNF for life so how much more can I disappear? Well MY son said to put my phone away until I take a pain pill. To me that translation is Hurry up and die already you old bore. Oh and he is upset, still upset I may add, from a statement I made when I got home from hospital,had no filter or emotional control, which no one was expecting and I said something like I wish I had not had them. Now let me tell you about my struggle with infertility,miscarriages,and 2 high risk, one even told to abort but I did Not. SO everyone knew my children were wanted and my ex lost parental rights, so I devoted my life to both....and that could fill a book... ....yes one sentence kills a relationship I have apologized, and we traveled around we spent time....but now I see oh sure he went along,but nothing was forgiven or understood. Did he read ? I feel heartsick. I feel all that but then I feel I survive for myself. No not really It is always about my kids. I go on dreaming for it, that happy ending. I am not going to the support group meeting tomorrow. I hurt. I should go,want to,but my leg burns,hurts to stand,buckles in pain. But good news. There is always one piece somewhere. My electrode trial was approved so I will schedule that. I am ready. And I have new coloring books from my fav author. Plus new set of good pencils. MY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I finally got what I never got after I ordered this with activies director. She gave substitutes. Ok nice.But... How did you ask? Well I did a survey and earned $$! I am doin another next week for Amazon gift card. In the meantime I will wait for pain thing to be done. And being selfish feels good, i finally spent money on myself.
  23. SassyBetsy

    Deserving. There is the greatest word. Thanks Tracy.
  24. SassyBetsy

    THANK YOU for listening. Really. I am really flabbergasted. I did not jump on it as they say...For once I am innocent. It was a misunderstanding....BUT it touched and triggered and brought out all the times I was NOT. My son'S anger and that I hurt him are killing me. I wish we talked but it would dig a trench. He says for the past 4 years...but it is all my sins of his lifetime. He said this weekend he would come but I doubt it now. It will take a hurricane.