jlgood

I have been a caregiver for the past 17 months and I am preparing to end the relationship. I appreciate the views of all here, but I have to agree that our relationship was in bad shape before the stroke. As I go through Jean's list of questions, there isn't much that I struggle with. While we have known each other for nearly 20 years, we have lived together for the past four. Of that time, he has lived off of me and my children (six of them) the entire time. He did not work 12 months straight at any time he's lived there and didn't contribute to the household what time he was working. I hate what the stroke has done to him, but it has not changed many of the things wrong with out relationship - unless for the worse. He refuses to do anything that the doctors have told him to do to try to improve his condition. He dropped out of speech therapy and quit seeing his psychologist. He is quite content just sleeping or sitting in front of the television. I know that the sleep is caused by the stroke and I'm okay with it. But his complete lack of effort for anything else is not. I feel guilty for wanting him to leave, but it's not the first time in our relationship. Bad part is he has three grown sons whom he didn't do much in taking care of (left them with his parents) and now they don't want to take care of him. His parents are in their 70's and they don't want to take care of him. I have eight children total, six still at home (2 extended family members I'm adopting), I work full-time for a non-profit, own my home and try to keep it up as best I can. I feel very guilty about asking him to leave, but I also feel very burned out at him sitting there day after day making no effort to do anything. He is on anti-depressants and he is capable of simple household chores (laundry, dishes, sweeping). He just won't get out from in front of the TV - unless I walk in the door. He has cursed at my children, thrown things at them and blames me for everything! It's my fault he had the stroke, I'm trying to kill his parents by asking him to go live with them, and on and on. Oh well, guess I just needed a minute to vent. Caregivers have feelings too. Mine are just expended at this point and I have to look out for my family.