merichsen

Marybeth,

I was reading something this morning that sounds like it may be similar to what you are talking about. I'm curious, if you can message me the info I would appreciate it.

Thanks,

Maria

Pumpkin,

I kind of think of chasing acceptance like some people chase happiness. Some people spend so much energy trying to find happiness, they sadly don't realize if they just stop and enjoy life, they may just be happy.

Early on in my recovery I had a very hard time accepting what the stroke had done to me and I was determined to be who I was before it happened. I spent a ridiculous amount of energy refusing to change anything about the way I was because I was determined that if I worked hard enough I could be tougher than the stroke and be back to the way I was before.

I'd have good days when I was all charged up and raring to go and others when I hit the wall when the reality of the unchangeable hit. After countless days of tears, frustration, and angst I looked in the mirror and realized all I was doing was the same as chasing happiness. One day I would look and there would be nothing but an old lady looking back at me.

I made a choice. I could waste my life chasing something I finally realized I couldn't change, or accept who I am and focus my energies on improving who I am now and enjoy life.

There will still be an old lady looking back at me, but at least to have gotten there she'll have lived.

((((((hugs)))))))

Maria

Check out Swedish cutting boards. This thing is the bomb, it has a vice, spikes, the whole thing is dishwasher safe.

http://www.amazon.com/Norco-Swedish-Cutting-Board-NC28502/dp/B003DQM5QU

Linda,

I agree with making an appointment with your cardiologist. I had an aneurysm which burst during surgery to repair it. Afterwards each time I had the slightest headache or felt nauseous it was another aneurysm growing to blow point. I would actually bring on headaches half the times from the anxiety and stress of thinking there was another one lurking. I really needed to know there really wasn't anything up there ticking like a time bomb. I told my neurologist of my fear, he pointed me back to my neurosurgeon for reassurance. To give me peace of mind and as a follow up as well I'm sure, I got to have the fun of having a little camera snaked from my groin to my brain. Amazingly there was a brain but all else was clear. Not the most fun test but absolutely worth it! I never gave it a second thought after that. I had pictures and proof that I was good to go and was told to come back for a recheck in 5 years. I haven't given it a thought since.

Until now. It's actually 5 years this month. ~ God works in mysterious ways.

Thanks for the reminder.

Make an appointment. I will too.

((((((((hugs))))))))

Maria

Depression and Mood swings

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=12006

What didn't they tell me about psychological effects of stroke?

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=12297

Grieving Process and Depression...

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=10215

I feel sad all the time, I'm a burden

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=9921

Scared, depressed, confused...........

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=9405

Depression

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=8682

Stroke emotions & effects, behaviors & emotions of stroke

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=142

So Depressed and ugly

http://www.strokeboard.net/index.php?showtopic=3399

Some good advice from our classic postings for coping with the holidays.

Hi Mary and welcome,

You don't mention how long ago your stroke was; it takes a considerable amount of time for the dark cloud to lift. The incredible value of this site is that talking to others who have gone through it and doing things like blogging will help you to work through your emotions and move the process along. A stroke is very traumatic and we suffer the loss of many things as a result of it. We need to go through the normal grieving process just as with any loss in order to heal.

Please ask for help and hugs as often as you need. We are a very caring group who will warmly be here for you.

Bunny,

I'm sorry you are so sad and feel so all alone. I understand what you mean. I also worked with a lot of people prestroke. Looking forward to seeing them everyday almost becomes a means of socializing. That's another great value of this site. As you begin to visit regularly and get to know people the same thing happens. It becomes a social thing for you. You'll start to make friends,will have people to talk to and hang out with. You probably will also find another thing will start to happen. You won't be so sad anymore.This is really a great community of people which you'd very likely enjoy very much who would more than welcome you as a friend to hang with.

Phil,

You say you felt sorry for them, but did you enough? That's called pity. The difference now is that you no longer feel pity, you are empathetic and that's a world away. You really hit the nail on the head with this post. The site was build on the empathetic need for support of one another as stroke survivors, not to pity and enable. We don't offer support to fellow survivors out of pity but rather because we feel enough of their plight to want to help them. I don't think it really changes your personality, but absolutely your perspective. We certainly have a heightened awareness of everything in life and are more sensitive to the needs and feelings of others which seems to change our behavior .

I was taught and tried to teach my kids before you speak or act to think of how it would feel if it were you. That's a tough concept to get and a lesson that some of us had to learn the hard way. Teaching us compassion, empathy, and softening us a bit is probably one if not the only up side of stroke.

Josh,

Time heals all wounds is an adage that applies to stroke too. The emotional and psychological impact of losing everything familiar to you in the blink of an eye is devastating. When you back that up with the fact that you were blindsided by it and the fear it could happen again, it's pretty overwhelming. As time goes on you come to realize that the constants in your life are still there, as you are showing you are for her. You also see that who you are inside is still the same. Trying to understand it all may only be made worse by cognitive deficits.

It is extremely frightening because you are unsure if much of what you are feeling in this new unfamiliar world is only happening to you. That's where we come in. We've all started out in much the same place she is now. With questions like... Do I vaguely resemble normal in some way? Here she will find that most of us had vision problems, couldn't type, took forever to understand and respond to a post, needed help doing so. We all cried a lot, got depressed, were scared and thrown in to an unfamiliar world and were lost. She'll also see that we all survived and that we are a community who are an upbeat family who have a bond much closer than most of us had with friends prior to our strokes. We accept one another for who we are because that is how we learned to accept ourselves. It would help her greatly if you could help her to start to talk to other survivors.

Maria :friends:

Louis,

Sorry to hear of your difficulties with your family.It is not uncommon and in great part why this community exists. Unless you have lived through this it is very difficult or near impossible to understand. I sometimes wonder if I would have been able to comprehend what this is like if it had happened to my husband and I were still thinking as I always had. I don't know if I would have been able to fathom what it is like. Maybe you could get your wife or son to join to gain some perspective. Just because your son is in the medical field don't expect him to have a much greater understanding. I've come to believe neurologists don't even have a true understanding of what this is like. You're not alone. Here we do understand and we are your friends. You make perfect sense to us because we've been there.

Maria :friends:

I think I preached this one already, but too bad you're going to hear it again. Many times we are quick to say negative things about ourselves, e.g. I'm stupid, I never blah blah blah. You wouldn't say things like that to other people especially those you value because you know they wouldn't tolerate it and probably would no longer bother with you if you did. People would not like you if you spoke to them that way. How then can you expect to like yourself if you speak to yourself or of yourself in such terms? Always be as kind and considerate of yourself as you are to those who you value because you should value yourself as much if not more. Would you let other people speak to you that way? how dare you let yourself get away with it.

That's my soapbox sermon for the day, as I said I think you've heard it before and no I'm not redundant and stupid...I'm just determined to help you guys feel better after stroke has ripped off so much of your self esteem, as is Jan. Thank you for the topic Jan.

Katrina,

My attitude was always that I could do anything that I put my mind to. After my stroke I continued to have the same outlook toward recovery, as time went on and I became somewhat frustrated, I was told that I might just have to accept the fact that this was out of my control. I don't back down that easily though and I have yet to find anyone who can give me a good enough argument as to why I should not think if there's a will there's a way. I think what made it harder for me earlier on was that I tried to put time constraints on my progress, e.g.I would predetermine that i would have my arm working in "x" months and felt defeated when that didn't happen. That wasn't realistic or the type of thing we can do with recovery so I was setting myself up for disappointment and failure. When I came to that realization what I also considered was that it may not be the recovery of my arm that may be out of my control, and I may need to adjust how I look at attaining goals in life. I always looked at it as shoot high, if you shoot for the sky, you may land among the stars, but if you only shoot for the stars, you'll land on the clouds and so on. Reach as high and never take your eyes off the goal no matter how long it takes you to get there. Spirit, will and determination are amazingly powerful forces ~ just look at your transcripts Katrina.

Maria :hug:

We often talk about IEED in terms of how it effects us outwardly but where it stems from most likely is present in many of us even if we do not have it do the extreme that makes it visibly noticeable.

http://www.stroke.org/site/PageServer?pagename=IEED

Priscilla,

I'm glad you feel better ~ let me rephrase that ~ I'm glad you feel relieved which is better than having it all pent up inside and wondering. I am so sorry you are hurting and have your son which I'm sure is a great comfort.

We are here for all the hugs you need and will always be your friends.

Maria :friends:

Pjoy,

The only major loss I endured was my father. He died of cancer and i knew it was coming so I was somewhat prepared for it. The only unexpected hit I ever took was the stroke. I know it's not the same, but when you said you couldn't cry and didn't understand why that really struck a bell. i was devastated at having lost my career over night, etc. and knew i was deeply sad and depressed. I felt like I was crying inside all of the time but it just wouldn't come out and I couldn't understand why. I wanted to cry so badly for the release but the tears just wouldn't flow. I still don't understand it. I am so sorry for the pain you are in and wish I could do or say something to make it better. Please know that I and all of your friends here think of you often and will continue to be here for you now through this difficult time and as long as you need us.

Maria :friends:

Sherry,

First, this may help you better understand the crying

http://www.ieed.org/pc/about/

Secondly, people are probably just staring at your dazzling beauty but you're just self conscious because of your stroke. Wouldn't you have more sense than to stare if you knew that someone had a problem or handicap? Then look how much better off than them you are... who is really at the disadvantage?

Keep chuggin' along kid it makes you stronger in the end

Maria :friends:

Kathy,

Before I go on let me just say I love you and SNAP OUT OF ITof course you know you're just as warped as me so you really needed that. There's nothing wrong with feeling like hey, I didn't sign up for this!

You dust off and move on with a smile, but this is a tough one ~it leaves residual soot. So my little fellow Polly Anna don't beat yourself up because you feel like the stroke has stolen your spirit.

it hasn't girlfriend, we're tough birds. We'll be fine

Maria :friends:

Shirley,

It's not silly at all, i remember feeling the same way. My quad cane gave me balance and stability. I didn't like a single post cane because it felt wobbly and i couldn't rely on it to regain my balance if I needed to. Just wait til they yank that away from you. Don't worry they won't til they're very sure you're ready. I never, ever fell once. i think you're crying because you've come so far and you're afraid if you do fall which you won't you'll be disappointed in your progress~like you let yourself down Don't worry you will be fine just take your time and be sure to lift that bad foot high enough so you don't drag your toe and trip. see you for a cappachino:)

your fear may not be so irrational, you did not mention how you twice broke your ankle did you fall as a result of a balance issue or from trying to steer using one hand? in that case is there something that can be added to you trike like a wheel with a steering ball that may make it easier for you to handle?

No fear is irrational especially after a stroke. I have never had the slightest fear of dentists, in fact, i used to fall asleep through root canal, but after brain surgery, the thought of anyone coming near me my head with a needle or a drill completely puts me over the edge. We seem to gain a new perspective on how fragile ina sense we are, especially because we were just chugging along as usual and didn't see it coming, so now we are more careful...waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Good luck and I give you a lot of credit for taking the iniative to get back on that bike twice to begin with :You-Rock

HI RICH,

SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH A TERRIBLE PLIGHT SO YOUNG. I WALK WITH A BIT OF A LIMPAND IT MAKES ME EXTREMELY SELF CONSCIOUS, BUT ANYONE WHO SEES ONLY THAT AND NOT PAST IT IS TOO SHALLOW A PERSON FOR ME OF THOSE I HAVE MET THAT HAVE LIVED THROUGH THIS THERE IS A DEEPER SENSE OF UNDERSTANDING AND APPRECIATION FOR WHAT IS IMPORTANT AND A SENSITIVITY FOR OTHERS. I'M SURE YOU FEEL RIPPED OFF WHEN YOU SEE OTHERS YOUR AGE, AS YOU SAID WHO ARE MARRIED WITH HOMES AND KIDS,AND IT IS HARD NOT TO FEEL THAT WAY. AS A SINGLE MOM, I SOMETIMES LOOK AT FRIENDS AND SEE THE SAME AS YOU ,AND THINK...DID I DO SOMETHING TO HAVE THIS DUMPED ON ME?? I WOULDN'T TRADE WHO I AM INSIDE FOR ANY OF IT. NOONE OR ANYTHING CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU. LEARN TO APPRECIATE AND GIVE CREDIT TO YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU HAVE OR CAN OR CANNOT DO DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME OR ENERGY ON ANYONE WHO WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU. VALUE YOURSELF MORE THAN TO ALLOW THEM TO. YOU WILL FIND LOTS OF FRIENDS HERE, WHO ARE CARING, GENUINE, GIVING PEOPLE, WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT AND TRYING TO PADDLE IN THE SAME DIRECTION. FEEL FREE TO WRITE IF YOU NEED HELP WITH YOUR OAR. IT HELPS TO VENT.

MARIA