hemideb

Yes, I've felt it but never admitted it before. No one has ever asked me this question. I think it depends on how you viewed yourself pre-stroke. For me, my self-worth was always primarily been about my brain. I know that sounds funny, but I am a highly educated woman and I work in a field where my skills are entirely cognitive... and now that I have had the stroke, my ability to do my job is not only an issue, but it becomes an ethical question for the future. If my judgment becomes impaired I must not do my job. Period. A stroke is an acquired brain injury. My sharpness, my memory, my skills, ME.... it's been damaged. I don't feel at fault, but I feel "less than" and I don't want anyone else to see me that way. I am extremely grateful for the support staff around me. I'm still good at what I do. I am still doing everything (okay, almost) I used to do, just much less of it. But I need help with simple tasks now, and depend on others for that. I get confused, I get lost in a sense. It's not all negative, I'm not saying that. I am lucky and have a good life. But yes, there is a sense of shame about being "damaged." And about having a fear of the 'next one' that I never had before.