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Strokessuck

Angry, resentful and miserable

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Alan! I agree!!! 👍🏻

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Hi, Chris, 

    Please remember that your anger and frustration are absolutly normal, and you must vent somehow. That is important for your mental health. Also remember, and one of the things that I've learned with stokes is that nothing is cut and dry. There are no time frames for anything as far as healing from a stroke go. It's a major lifechanger, for sure, and definitely the life you didn't ask for. My heart goes out to you! Also, please take care of yourself. Do something you enjoy while your husband sleeps, read a book, go to the gym, etc. I don't mean to sound corny, but we also need to look for and be grateful for the small steps that your husband might make in his recovery. Stroke recovery is long and hard, in most cases. For all parties involved. But is's still very much possible! Everyday is one step closer to that. I hope this helps you!

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i see some small improvements often..my chiropractor gave me exercises for my affected leg which seem to help, but are tough.

I get down on the floor to stretch which is very helpful and gets easier the more I try, but I still get frustrated and feel like" why me?"

You cant help that. The brain controls emotions and the brain is just not the same..hopefully it will get to be someday though.

 

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Alan your brain learns even with things like emotions. So yes the raw emotions can be difficult and sometimes out of hand but crazy as it sounds "choosing to be happy" is actually a thing and will get easier with practice. The studies show that the reinforcing an emotion makes it easier to feel that emotion. This is the principle behind things like the GLAD system, and 100 days of happiness.  So yes the brain controls emotion but you also control the brain. When you get a case of the "why me?'s acknowledge that's what it is but choose to put it away don't dwell on it. 

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Ed, I went to a neuro-op just after I finally came home from rehab. My concern was my nystagmus. I was dizzy all of the time and also had nystagmus. The combo wae literally making me feel sick. As you can guess, he said there was nothing that could be done about it. I cried all of the way home after that As time went on, I kind of got used to it, believe it or not. I got used to seeing things between the jumps and not being able to read because either the letters kept flying off the page, or I kept losing my place. Then, at 4  yrs. post, the nystagmus in my rt. eye just disappeared! I still have it in my left eye, so things still bounce, but I can focus so much better.If it disappears in my left eye, it won't sneak on me because I've noticed recently that it has slowed down, and even has times of not bouncing.We'll see. The nystagmus has never come back to the rt. eye. So I THINK THAT ONCE IT STOPS, IT'S GONE.   Becky 

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Fingers crossed you are right Becky, that Nystagmus thing sounds scary and horrible, another one to be glad I haven't got. But it makes sense that once the brain gets control of it again it stays that way.

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On 6/4/2019 at 6:11 AM, Strokessuck said:

     That describes me! My husband had a hemmoragic stroke 2/16/2018. That stroke took everything from me. On that day I lost my marriage, my husband and my life as I knew it! Nothing will ever be the same. My husband was 62 and I was 52 when it happened. At first I was a real trooper! Determined to help in whatever way was needed. I felt lucky because my husband didn’t seem to lose very much from the stroke. It seemed as if it were all physical. He still had his quick wit, he only had a slight slur which eventually cleared all together. 

    After 3 weeks in the hospital we spent the next 6 weeks in a rehab facility. He was doing really well. Progressing very nicely. It was very encouraging. The day before he was to be discharged he didn’t seem quite right. I brought it to the attention of the nurses and docs. They took him for mri’s and CT scans. They came back saying they didn’t show any changes.  They tried telling me it was because of the meds that he had been on for about 8 weeks that were discontinued earlier that week  (Lyrica). I believe he had a TIA stroke. The kept him in the rehab only one extra day and then released him. 

     When he had the stroke we were in Florida. I on vacation and he on a business trip. I had driven to Florida. He told me to stay there since he was going to be there for work and we’d drive back together. We reside in Texas. The trip was a long one to say the least. Since the TIA stroke he spoke very little. He wouldn’t initiate any conversation and when he was asked a question his reply’s were as brief as possible.

     Since we’ve been home over a year now it has been very difficult. Now I find myself being very angry! My husband has a very short fuse! He’s rude, impatient and very insensitive. He sleeps all day everyday. He never wants to do anything. On the rare times I can get him to do anything he is complaining of pain within an hour.  There is absolutely no intimacy between us. My role has been reduced to caregiver only. 

     I suppose I am just a very selfish person. I’m not ready to give up physical activities or sex. I can’t imagine never being intimate again, to never be touched or kissed or held in that special way. I’m too young to lose that. But what am I to do?  I miss my husband. I wish I could get him back. I know that there is no way I can turn what is left of my husband back into the man I married. It’s just not fair!

     I’m also very angry at the fact that my husband has 3 adult children and not one of them has even made an effort to see their dad since he had his stroke. They are all very selfish. I guarantee they’ll be there when he passes away trying to make claim on anything he had!

     My husbands best friend lives across the street from us. However, even that relationship has gone by the way side. It’s so sad to see that happen.

    People just don’t know how to act around or treat my husband. He can be very difficult and sometimes even embarrassing too. 

    I tried finding a support group to go to. The one here was geared more towards the stroke survivor, not the caregiver.

    I hate strokes. I hate what it has done to my husband, to me and to our relationship. It’s very depressing.

 

     Thank you for letting me vent. Like I said, I suppose I am just being selfish and petty. Maybe I’m just acting like a spoiled brat. If I am, so be it. I apologize. 

 

Chris....

 

Hi chris i see this is a old post. It i dont get here much being so busy but i can feel for you. 10 years ago i had a ischemic stroke in thw middle of the night it Effected  my ballance bad at first and my speech. Ballance is better but im older now so that sucks. My speech is better but still bad like ordering a “pupu playter” is near imposible. I was divorced and moved to florida with my older brother and live together. Then 5 years ago now he had a stroke that paralized his right side and was in rehab were id did come back some but not great. But he was doing good we boated together he ever was riding seadoos  but as time went on he stamina for walking went down so he sends me in everywhere  he needs me to get bis pills out and refused to do it himself he takes about 10 differnet pills  i have to cook and he isualy says it sux and dosent say what hed like i clean up after him and rhe house and usualy it lisses him if im doing it around him we bave two dogs i care for and if i fo out to work in rhe yard or take rhe trash to the road the dogs will bark wantj g out with me and my brother *beep* and i hear about rhat. 
so your not alone ive seen it from both side   As im just a caregiver. Unapreciated jjust exspected   
after my stroke my adult son cane down  here to help. But decided he really didst want to help he nust was looking for what he could get and not has nothing to so with me and bavnt seen bim in going on 10 years. 
So it could be worse 

hang in there.  

 

 

 

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