How is that a way to go out-lol? Except woke Bruce up out of a sound sleep, totally scared and Kira is meowing in the kitchen. I am trying to breathe and talk Bruce down and comfort her and all the while I am hysterical laughing thinking no one will ever believe this one.

We have had a crazy two weeks. The engine light in the truck keeps going on. Oxygen delivery system to the catalytic converter and now probably the catalytic converter. Bruce has no trouble getting in and out of my Honda. But bringing the truck to service is a pain. Jen follows me there, drops me at work. This means leaving Bruce alone for almost an hour. Probably good for him, but again I am always aware of the BR issues. Then I need to get a lift home and often have to wait for Jen's next scheduled day to pick it up.

I would just like a week that did not involve making last minute changes and rescheduling. November proves just as busy as all of Bruce's follow up appointments are scheduled plus a new round of Botox.

Mary Beth and family will come here for Thanksgiving due to our schedule.

People have been coming to pick up the big wood that was left from the pruning. I don't need to be here as they are all known contractors, but if I am, feel they have to stop in and chat-usually at dinnertime which is the worst time in this house. Still I need them and enjoy talking to them, but Bruce is antsing for dinner and bed and I am always aware of that.

I was thinking this morning just what I would like for me. It is cool here now. I do not want to turn on the furnace just yet, so Bruce wakes me up-by agreement-when he awakens. I get up and turn on the space heater so it warms up in the living room for us. We generally talk for about a half hour. This is our intimate time and I would not trade it for anything, except getting up in the cold. I help him pop into the WC about 5:30am and off he goes to his coffee and TV. I generally go back to sleep for an hour or so and then up and at 'em.

He has missed so much work and swimming the last two weeks. Part of it is the truck and other household issues and part the weather. I planned to get a lot of chores done this weekend, so that Monday morning it is breakfast, shower and off to Bruce's work. Bruce's boss and I are trying to increase his work hours, but refuses to ask for help to the BR. I go back at 2 hours, but as far as Bruce is concerned that is go home time.

Today was jammed packed with errands plus Bruce's major grooming so it will be easy on Monday. Mary Beth called during all of this and I said Bruce is having his mani-pedi, will call you back. Mani-Pedi, shave, beard trim, other trims, shower. But he sure looks pretty and is well-moisturized-lol. Tomorrow is vaccuming, groceries, laundry and cooking for the caregivers for the week.

So I was thinking this morning that there is nothing more I would like than a morning to sleep in, coffee-newspaper, long, hot shower for me and then get into the days chores. That is not going to happen anytime soon. But I did schedule the hairdresser for a quick cut on Tuesday. I'll leave work and go back and plan to fit in a shower of some sort tomorrow.

Since Bruce had had such an uneventual week-mostly TV and naps, we stopped at a local farm market for some homebaked goodies and fresh fruit. He so loves this and it is one of the few times I do not have to fight to get him outside in the air. That is when I saw the Mint Chocolate-chip fudge.

When we got home, Bruce took a nap and I got out all the Halloween decorations. It is my favorite holiday and the decorations are simple, but we have three enclosed lanterns (don't have to worry about costumes near the candles) that I put on the ramp and a plastic jack-o-lantern, again with a tea candle. (By the way with Bruce's couponing skills these days, the candles were free: after sale price and his coupons-lol), some scarecrows. Dinner was prepped in the morning, easy. So Bruce goes off to bed and I am sitting here reading the posts and blogs, feeling sorry for myself so I decided that I bought the fudge for a treat. While my perfect day is still in the future, I can have some fudge and treat myself. Well, apparently it went down the wrong way, which brings us all back to Asphyxiation by fudge.

Just trying to maintain some balance. Taking care of his needs, trying to fit in some time for myself. I love our intimate times. Would not give up our early morning talks, his shower. Yes it would be easier to let the caregivers do that. But I would prefer if they would cook and plan a meal ahead; change our sheets and maybe sweep and leave Bruce's care to me. Maybe something to think about in the future. We will be rescheduling and readjusting as to our loss of Jen in January, so maybe I need to rethink this.

Bruce's bladder retraining is going well. I am determined not to back down and am enforcing tough love. I explained to him that he can not take a day off. Brain re-wiring is constant and while I understand it is tiring and tough, he must do it. My ace in the hole is the Texas Catheter, which he hates; but goes on when he refuses to toilet when due. His new thing with Leo is to wait until Leo leaves to come get me, and then let loose. Except I now check him when I get in and even when he says I was dry when Leo left, I know his thinking. Bruce is a very stubborn but intelligent person. He knows now Leo tells me if he toiletted before bed and if not, will happen when I get home. Small steps, but the down days are fewer and I am willing to work with him as long as he works at the continence. Will admit that the laundry loads have decreased and there is nothing better than waking up in a dry bed, without a clothing change at 3 am!

Good week all. Debbie