Very busy season and I wonder how that happens as we have so scaled down the holidays. But all of Bruce's followups are in December. Guess I should have thought about that earlier-lol.

Lots of discussion lately about the holiday season and the difficulties with stroke. Too much to do, having to scale back. I know Bruce has been very excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. A lot of it, I know, is my fault. I did not include him enough in the two past years as I thought he had enough on his plate. I deal with that every day, but can not go back.

December 2009-9 months post stroke. Mary Beth calls Bruce's best friend and asks him to take Bruce to get my special candy for Christmas present. In May 2009, I had brought some personal supplies to Bruce in the Rehab in one of the candy bags. Bruce read out loud for the first time. This company has a simple logo and no special marks, so I knew he was reading (and also probably expecting a treat-lol). This will touch me forever.

Friend took Bruce. Last year, nothing. Mary Beth was furious. She got Bruce on the phone and ordered on-line from her house. Candy arrived for my birthday. Personally,I do not care but this year, with Mary Beth involved in her own family issues, had Jen take Bruce on Friday. There is no sense in trying to figure people out or lamenting the issues, it is what it is. And Mary Beth is dealing with her own family.

I have been putting in a lot of time at work, opening up a new unit. I love it but of course, Bruce is off schedule. He has made no complaints, mind you. Sends me off with a kiss and a smile. Looks forward to me coming home and sharing. Even going in with me when I can not get a caregiver. In the meantime, he has had no TV in the bedroom for two weeks, due to cable restructuring. I ordered the box for the TV and then found out the TV was so old, it was not in the pre-programmed library and we would have to wait another week or so for that to happen.

I finished up my work project on Wednesday and had decided that this weekend was to be about Bruce. He told me he would like to get the tree. We talked about how early and would it last. I am trying to include him in everything now.

Friday, I left work and went to a local store for a 19" TV. I have never purchased a TV, have no clue about the new stuff. Ran the circular for the store by one of my younger and much more knowledgeable colleagues. It is the cutest thing. Weighs less than Kira! Now it took me five hours and three phone calls to Comcast to get the thing and the box up and running, but it is done. Dear Carl came by before his meeting to bring the Maganovox upstairs for me. That TV weighs more than me.

Today was tree and wreath. We go to the same garden center we always have. Bruce sits by the woodstove and gets served hot cider by the owners-lol. They have my four foot tree already put aside and a 16" wreath for the front door. So really a quick run, but I made it a big deal. Made Bruce "tool" around the garden center in case there was something that he wanted. Home to lunch, tree up, mantle done. Bruce is going to bed later at night. No TV for two weeks has gotten him into new habits. This is all in one room, mind you. Right in front of Bruce's table, so I can turn on tree in am when he gets up and has his coffee. He does love that. And with the candy purchases and the gifts for the caregivers, there are packages under the tree. Biggest decision now is to tinsel or not. Very time consuming. Bruce never had it until he met me, and like the lights, was always something only I did.

Rest of week is busy. Dentist for Bruce, hair cuts, errands and then the re-eval for a new round of PT-OT - I hope.

Tomorrow is grocery shop. Bruce has added "picking food" in case people drop by. This breaks my heart, as I know who he is thinking of and also know it won't happen. But he can have anything he wants and we will serve the treats with Carl and the caregivers. He'd also like to bring something to work for his "girls". And that we will do. He has not been going to work because of my schedule and they do so miss him.

So I sit tonight, with my tree lit and candles. A glass of wine. Kira is exploring all this new stuff. Bruce is sound asleep, able to finally turn off the TV himself. I will waken him shortly for his pills. I feel a certain peace, one that I do not feel often these days. Bruce and I both lost our Moms at Christmas time. We celebrate with those ornaments they gave us and our childhood ornaments that we now share. In both cases, it was a blessing. They were both very sick and had suffered a long time. And while years apart, we put the first ornament Bruce ever had, that his Mom made and mine, from my Mom's first year in Florida on the tree with tears and great joy. I only hope one day, many years from now, someone does this in memory of Bruce and I.