We do banter about "new normal" a lot but most of the time we expect that new normal to have at least some form of predictability to it. Just when we think we have figured it out a new curve ball comes at us and we indeed wave goodbye. In the end realize that "normal" for us is chaos! My husband stroked Jan. 2, 2005. He had his first seizure about a year later then two more near his second stroke anniversary. The first one was terrifying because I believed Dick was dead for a few moments. I am thankful that he never was placed on seizure meds because of the problems so many people report with them. And for except for those three times the meds were not necessary for Dick. It is so different for each individual and that individual changes over time. If you are anything like me you feel like you are walking on egg shells again after finally getting to the point were you thought you were getting the hang of this caregiving role. Hang in there!

Ruth

I love the new yogurt commercial where they mention their "new normal" meaning their GI system! Wish it were that simple for all of us.

I am so sorry to hear of Lauren's set back. Know I am thinking of you both every day and pray he is stabilized and home soon. Debbie

Sorry to hear of Lauren's setback, as you know Ray has seizures too. I think we cn come to terms with it but will never like the changes that come after the seizures.

A "new normal" can change every day, it is indeed chaos, but out of chaos comes a new strength and creativity and a determination to enjoy life, such as it is, for as long as we can.

Prayers coming your way.

Sue.

Lauren came home yesterday afternoon. He was started on Keppra. It makes me nervous to use anti-seizure meds and nervous not to. He's on Coumadin so another seizure does not sound like a good idea if it can be avoided.

Ruth, I also thought Lauren was dying. We had a private duty aide here who was helping him with his shower when the seizure occurred so, by the time I got to them, I only saw the end when he was unconscious and breathing very noisy. In the flurry of getting to a phone to call 911 she didn't tell me about the seizure until I heard her talking to the paramedics. I honestly thought he was taking his last breaths. He didn't begin to respond in any way for over 30 minutes. Even the ER was uncertain whether something additional was going on. CT showed no change.

Lauren has been in the hospital 5-6 times since his stroke Dec 2010: viral meningitis, 2-3 UTI's requiring IV antibiotics, sepsis (ICU with that one), seizure. They have all taken a toll on me but this one has really got me reeling. I think it is because I seriously thought it was the end. Also, there is no way to say this medical situation is over. You discover the meds aren't working by going through another seizure. So yes, eggshells. Whereas I once felt fairly comfortable taking Lauren in the car with me if I had a quick errand to run and leaving him in the car while I ran into a store to pick something up, now I won't do that. I'm even scared to leave him sit on the toilet stool alone but I have made myself step away for a few minutes. I don't yet feel comfortable taking a shower while he is sitting up in his wheelchair.

Sue, thank you for lifting up the way these struggles bring gifts. Not ones we would choose to receive in this particular way but I do know each of us are strengthened by our caring and we call on new and creative parts of ourselves to make it through--not just to survive but to thrive. That's what we want for ourselves and also what we want for our loved ones. As much as is possible within the limitations they have, we want them to thrive and enjoy live.

Thanks to each of you for understanding and for your good thoughts and prayers.

Donna

Donna, So glad to hear Lauren is back home. Yes the different meds are scary. You may fix one thing but end up with another problem. And yes it is scary to leave our loved ones alone after such emergancies. But eventually you will find middle ground where you don't check all night long to see if they are safe. Unfortunately bad things happen but we have to come to terms with the truth that even if we are there we can't always stop them.

Ruth

DONNA,

WE HAVE A SAYING IN MY STROKE SUPPORT GROUP THAT GOES LIKE THIS; "YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHO I AM NOW, BUT YOU WILL LOVE WHO I BECOME"

-WILL

I had a grand mal seizure as a result of the stroke at 9 months post. Quite the surprise and it took a while to trust myself alone again. My husband was thrown back into the state of constant worry after he had finally started to be less hyper vigilant since my stroke. It's a real blow to everyone involved. It's that 'what's next' feeling. I hope things settle again quickly for you without further incident.

Lisa