I didn't think earlier in the year that she would make it but Mum turned 94 today. So today I didn't go to my usual 9.30am church service. I know that Mum is better, more alert and better focussed in the morning so went to see her at that time instead. One of the diversional therapists met me in the lobby, he told me Mum was in the Dining Room. Apparently the Lifestyle Lounge was full and the Boronia Lounge doors still not fixed. I am glad he told me as I would never have looked for her there.

Mum looked asleep when I went in, not deeply asleep, just having one of the many little snoozes she has through the day. I just sat by her and held her hand and watched a movie while she slept. She does hold onto my hand and she opened her eyes a few times and I managed to give her her "morning tea" so I was happy with the visit .At times like this I try not to even think of the past and all the good times, previous birthday parties etc. It is counter productive and depressing and I am not going there if I can help it. I try to keep the visits on a one day at a time basis and enjoy the moment.

I went from there to see Ray as usual and spent some time in the courtyard, then took him to lunch in the dining room and then we were watching an old movie in the lounge room. Ray was alert and did actually reply to a couple of remarks the other carers made. One of our fellow "beer garden" inhabitees was 72 today and his wife had brought in muffins which we shared before lunch. It is good to have that fellowship.This man is a bit resentful of his wife putting him into care, but he, like Ray, can neither weight bear or walk so she really has no choice. He was pleased however that most of his children had been in to visit him for his birthday.

We had the usual discussion about those who do not bother to visit as one of their sons had said he was too busy. The wife said she had warned the son that unless he shaped up she was going to change the will to include the children who came to see their father and exclude those who did not. I know and probably he knows that it is just a threat but I do take her point that those who care, come in despite the hardship this sometimes causes, are more the kind of adult she had hoped to raise her children to be. One of the other women said she feels the same about her two older children and made some pretty unflattering comments about them.

I try not to do that, make negative comments about my children. At one time Ray and I lived ten hours drive from my Mum and Dad and my sister and her family lived even farther away. My parents "adopted" a family from their church to make up for the family contact they missed and that turned out badly. It is difficult to know how to balance relationships and work, lifestyle and leisure and we all do our best. It is not good though in my opinion to forsake family and friends in the meantime. We all need that family contact. I'm glad we moved back here in the mid-80's and were able to resume a good relationship with my parents. Sadly Ray's parents died younger and we could never get those times back. Sadly this also affected Ray's relationship with his brothers and sisters and we do not have them in our lives any more. The exception is the wife of his older brother who is very good at keeping in touch with us.

I went to 6pm chiurch and as it was the first Sunday of the month it was followed by a soup and damper supper. It is just a small group so it was nice to sit down and fellowship with them. One couple are Trevor's next door neighbours and so we all heard about how Edie had taken baby Alice over to see them and how thrilled they were with the visit. I am glad Trev and Edie are blessed with such good neighbours. Another couple were celebrating their 57th wedding anniversary, these two lovley people at one time ran a youth group that our daughter Shirley attended so I always pass on news from her family too. It is good despite a district population of 350,000 we can still find old friends wherever we go.

Shirley and family are over the flu so I am going down there for a few days as the children are home from school for the winter school holidays and it is an opportunity to catch up with them. I will miss out on a few things locally and will miss seeing Mum and Ray but I leave telephone numbers that the staff can reach me at and hope that helps. Both Mum and Ray are healthy at the moment, I know that can change fast but hope that it doesn't. If anything happens I can be home in just under four hours anyway.

I will enjoy the break. I get tired when there has been a few busy weeks and I think the wind, rain and short winter days have made it more difficult to fit in all I want to do. In winter I find it harder to remain upbeat. I have read a lot of posts about depression both here and on other sites and am glad I am not really depressed, just sad mostly at what is happening to Mum and to Ray as they deteriorate. Ray had a bad turn, possibly a continuing seizure, on Tuesday night and spent Wednesday in bed, then had another small seizure while I was there on Thursday. He came out of that one okay.

Life is just what happens day by day. I don't know why we assume we can control it or even sometimes why we think there is a master plan. Looking around me I see others in the nursing homes visiting their families uncomplainingly. Their lives go on, as ours do, mostly uneventfully and they manage to stay positive so I will try to do the same.

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