Hello 2013!
Entry posted by swilkinson
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It is hot. So HELLO 2013, so glad you came at last! What a blast! Such a contrast to Christmas Day when I wanted it to be hot. So some suitable beach weather for me at last.
I offered to have three of my grandchildren over New Year's Eve for my daughter in law who works on Police Assistance Line (like an Emergency Line). For me to have them benefitted her as she didn't have to pay for a Babysitter and me because I had some company. It is a grand way to wake up on New Year's Day with the sound of kids in the house. Mind you they did tire me out. Now they have just gone so I can relax and enjoy the peace and quiet. For me keeping busy is what dulls the pain, too much time to think and I am crying again. I want 2013 to be a much better year and it is up to me to make it that way.
The grandkids asked to go to the beach this morning about 9am and I would have loved to have taken them but three little ones and me on my own? Not a good idea. I offered to have them overnight while my daughter-in-law worked and kept them a few extra hours so she could get at least four hours of sleep in. It is hard for her on her own. I am glad Ray wanted to be home on a regular basis, even when he was in the Fisheries, a job requiring a lot of patrol work of the river network so a lot of time away from home, he mostly managed to be with us for the significant holidays. I do so miss that aspect of family life.
So we got up and Tori helped cook breakfast, she is 11 now and a big help to her mother. She makes what she calls an egg pancake which is a type of omelette and the boys ate that all up. They need that protein boost as they certainly go flat-out all day. It is like a day at a race track! They are busy and noisy, typical little boys. Oliver starts school this year so they will be in sixth class (Tori) first class (Alex) and kindergarten (Oliver) all at the same school. In 2014 Tori goes off to one of the local High Schools.
There is a new craze not to make resolutions for the New Year but to have a Word of the Year. I could not think of an appropriate word but have decided on one Alex (6) uses all the time. He says :Why don't we do .....Granma? it would be fun?" and most of what he suggests does sound fun, just not appropriate for a 65 year old widowed grandmother of seven. So my word for this year is FUN. So if you can think of something that is age appropriate and inexpensive and sounds like fun do please let me know.
I am starting to talk about Ray and Mum at last without tears. It was hard at first when so much pain from those last few weeks for each of them clouded my mind. Now at last I feel as if I can speak about them again as they used to be. Tori amused me last night when she spoke about one of the characters in "Hairspray" which we were watching together while we waited for the midnight firework display on Sydney Harbour to come onto our TV screen. She called the wowser Mom, "even more old fashioned than great Granma Durkin". I suspect she has a fairly warped view of what my Mum was like but she still knew from what I tell her that Mum could be fun and a bit of a quirky character so she knew she was not as strait-laced as some old Grannies can be.
I do not have any plans much for this period of the year, the time before school starts again except for doing some extra reading. Then comes February when it is all about the meetings,decision making committees etc.meeting to put the 2013 programs into place. I have not decided how I want my life to be, most people are saying to just let things settle down before I make any major decisions and I think that is good advice. I don't want to make changes just for the sake of making changes, that would be silly. On the other hand I know trying to make life stand still isn't possible either. I am not constantly in a state of denial, I am trying to accept the way life is changing for me.
Where do family and friends feature in all of this? I am not sure. Trevor rang from his truck on the way back from Sydney with only a small load of goods to be transferred via Toll (a bit like Fed-ex). He wanted to wish me a Happy 2013 while he remembered. Pam wished me a Happy New Year when she came to pick up the children, I am having dinner at her place on Thursday night so I will see the kids again then. Shirley and Steven have not been in touch as yet. Shirley and family are at their holiday cottage so out of normal phone range. They need the break and I do not begrudge them that, I just miss the phone contact.
When the neighbourhood is quiet and the phone does not ring it is good that I have friends who contact via email and Facebook. Some people are sending greetings and that makes me feel I am at least in someone's thoughts. I need to start being able to cope alone most of the time. I think I am a bit early in the bereavement period yet to be fully independent but that is the aim.
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