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Problem Solving


Ethyl17

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I don't know how this happened. Bruce's two best friends from NM and CA arrived about one week after Bruce's stroke. We talked every night here at the house, after we left Bruce. Both of them thought that Bruce would get right back on board with recovery. Bruce was very confident in himself, had taken care of himself since he was nine. Our home life was 50-50.

 

Part of this, I know, is the brain damage but mostly I know it is me. Fred has been so positive assuring me that it will come. But I know for sure, unless I leave this house, it will not come.

 

Bruce does not think about "I'll clean up my mess" - garbage pail is right next to him. He does not say to me "No, go honey. I can handle this." My thoughts were always if I took care of the household, Bruce would step up as to his recovery. When we focussed on cognitive recovery, that was never an issue. And I know now, it needed to be. How many stroke families need for someone to go right back to work? And the survivor must be trained, safe and left alone to function for some time. That is not going to happen here unless I am away and Bruce has to fend for himself.

 

So we are working on that. Morning routine is the safest. I have to leave for work and we do not vary from the routine. I feel that is the safest for now. I have the back up of the caregivers coming in by 9 am and really that is to cover the toiletting issues. And Bruce knows this, so no need to step up.

 

Saturday is the big day. I have no where to go at 7 am except work, but that is OK. I am close, will be getting paid and not having to pay a caregiver. We will get out and about when I get home, get the errands done. But I know, unless he realizes that Debbie is not here and there is no caregiver coming, I have to function - that cognitive recovery is not going to happen. Will let you know.

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and it is true -- dan although left alone very, very little ( but on occassion i do step outside) has pulled a few things... the type of self help things actually -- so for bruce - i have faith lots of good can happen... i think back on him watching over dan at the casino... he had every thing down, every answer, every contingency planned...

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Debbie,

 

Perhaps what you said, "there is no care giver coming in", I have to function on my own as best I can!! That is exactly what I had to do once I got better enough to get out the WC and my wife had to go back to work although she just flat quit not knowing how long it would take for me to get back on my feet.

 

I still thank God I got the scooter, my drivers license back and somehow recovered enough to be on my own during the day, Oh thank God!!! So my thinking for Mr. Bruce is it will come but how soon or how much later we just don't know yet... Our conditions dictates normally how long we will be in recovery and what we are able to accomplish on our own.

 

I remember I came home unable to walk but soon learned with more out patient therapy. My first task was to climb stairs and my thought was I can slide back down the stairs on my butt long as I learn to walk upstairs to sleep in my bed with my wife. That was my early goal.

 

Then for my wife to stop having to push me around in the WC and struggling to load/unload it in and from the car. She was worn out I had to get better so she could go back to work.

 

Everything in getting better depends on how bad the stroke was for each person. I just always thought I was the worse off because I stayed five months in the hospital looking at others come in and go home long before me.

 

I wondered if I would ever be able to walk again in life when they told me my whole left side of my body was paralyzed and probably will not come back to life. That scared the hell out of me, what was I going to do with my life???? I really worked at my recovery and prayed daily several times a day to get better.

 

So Debbie that's why I say let Bruce do much as he can safely in the house. You said it..."you know for sure, unless you leave the house, it will not come for Bruce." That's why I suggested letting him use his scooter to be mobile in the yard on the sidewalk and get a ramp or a lift to load it in the truck to carry with you for him to use.

 

Again, that's how I started out. Like a little kid on a bike then you learn to ride with ease. Again I say Bruce is a smart man. I hate when some people look at us survivors as dumb because of our conditions, our speech or how we walk!!! Sure our brain no longer control a side of the body but that don't make us crazy or can't learn how to do things. Problem Solved!!!

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Debbie :

 

Every stroke is different & so is recovery though I will give you my story after I came home from hospital hubby was not comfortable living me alone so had hired full time caregiver, though her job was mainly to take care of our household & our young son, she cooked, cleaned & did my home exercises with me. It was good in the beginning since I was too depressed & would have done something stupid if there was no watch on me. but my problem was having her home I never felt need to get out of bed & take care of my son & my family. I just spent my days crying my eyes out & wishing I was dead & felt worthless. Though once I saw how it affected my then 7 year old son, I picked myself up & after getting rid of full time help once I started doing more for our family better I felt better about myself & my life.

 

Asha

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