I don't know how this happened. Bruce's two best friends from NM and CA arrived about one week after Bruce's stroke. We talked every night here at the house, after we left Bruce. Both of them thought that Bruce would get right back on board with recovery. Bruce was very confident in himself, had taken care of himself since he was nine. Our home life was 50-50.
Part of this, I know, is the brain damage but mostly I know it is me. Fred has been so positive assuring me that it will come. But I know for sure, unless I leave this house, it will not come.
Bruce does not think about "I'll clean up my mess" - garbage pail is right next to him. He does not say to me "No, go honey. I can handle this." My thoughts were always if I took care of the household, Bruce would step up as to his recovery. When we focussed on cognitive recovery, that was never an issue. And I know now, it needed to be. How many stroke families need for someone to go right back to work? And the survivor must be trained, safe and left alone to function for some time. That is not going to happen here unless I am away and Bruce has to fend for himself.
So we are working on that. Morning routine is the safest. I have to leave for work and we do not vary from the routine. I feel that is the safest for now. I have the back up of the caregivers coming in by 9 am and really that is to cover the toiletting issues. And Bruce knows this, so no need to step up.
Saturday is the big day. I have no where to go at 7 am except work, but that is OK. I am close, will be getting paid and not having to pay a caregiver. We will get out and about when I get home, get the errands done. But I know, unless he realizes that Debbie is not here and there is no caregiver coming, I have to function - that cognitive recovery is not going to happen. Will let you know.